Benign Flame: Saga of Love - BS Murthy (best way to read an ebook .TXT) 📗

“In my opinion,” commented Raja Rao, “there is more to religion than meets the eye. It is the most effective means devised by man to hold human beings from cracking at the threshold of their anxieties. If you see, when a man is gravely ill, his wife fears that she’s on the verge of widowhood and all that goes with it. Unable to bear the anxiety about her future without him, won’t she turn to God via her religion to transfer her burden? ‘God, please save him’, she would pray for His mercy while waiting for his recovery in hopeful anticipation. Thus in the mean time, making it easy on her mind, her own anxiety lies in suspension of belief, and in the end, if he comes out true and kicking, it’s God’s grace, but were he to kick the bucket, then it’s God’s will. However, life takes over where her man would have left it, and soon she gets adjusted in the altered situation. The feature of faith is that it rescues us from going insane by helping us to face the vicissitudes of life with the religious hope.”

Thimmaiah nodded in approval as Narasamma scowled her disagreement,

“What you say might be true but it could be too sensitive for your wife.”

“I would like to see life with maturity and not approach it with sentimentality, I’m glad that I’ve found the right guide in my husband,’ said Sandhya.

“That’s the benefit of woman’s education,” said Thimmaiah greatly impressed.

“But the real tragedy of man lies not in death but in life itself,” said Raja Rao characteristically. “Man tends to nurse animosity lacking perceptivity, burdens himself with sentimentality, courts trouble thoughtlessly and then turns to god-men for deliverance. It’s a pity that man meditates for peace of mind having purchased headaches at a discount.”

Seeing the nuptial couple yawn at length, Narasamma suggested that it was time they caught up with lost sleep under the mango tree in the backyard. After siesta, however, at Sandhya’s behest, the aged couple accompanied the newly-weds in the evening to the Sathyanarayana Swamy temple on the banks of the village tank.

After the parikrama, they had the Lord’s darshan and sitting by the lake, Narasamma narrated the temple’s legend thus:

When Lega Sathyanarayana of the village went to Annavaram, the Lord visited him in his dream and directed him to begin building a temple for Him at this very spot. Once Lega returned, everything fell into place by the blessings of the Lord and the benevolence of the villagers and the others. It was thus at Godspeed this temple for the Lord was built.

On their return though, as the nuptial-couple headed home to have their way, the elderly, while preparing to receive them for dinner, reminisced about the finest day they have had in years.

“Let me repay my debt,” said Raja Rao picking the soap, as they went into the backyard for bath.

“Wait for my call,” she said smiling.

“Don’t keep me waiting,” he said ardently.

When they reached the Thimmaiahs place for dinner, seeing Sandhya in an off-white voile sari with maroon border, Narasamma was truly impressed. Though Sandhya returned upbeat after dinner, nevertheless, Raja Rao found her morose in his embrace.

“Why darling, has the honey turned bitter just after seven takings?” he said in jest.

“Don’t be cruel, somehow, I’m missing Roopa, that’s all,” she said.  

“You should’ve opted to be co-wives then,” he said sharing her mood.

“To tell you the truth, we too thought so,” said Sandhya smilingly.

“If it were so, how I wish I met you both as misses,” he said as if to put ideas into her head.

“Well, but I’m in no mood to miss you now,” she said eagerly.

“Wonder how Roopa excites you as well as depresses you!” he said taking her into his arms.

“You got it my dear,” she said before he sealed her lips.

Over their weeklong stay at Kothalanka, having gauged Sandhya’s ability to take things objectively, Raja Rao thought it fit to lead her on the realistic path of life.

“Sandhya,” she heard him croon, as she lay exhausted in his arms that night, their last night of their honeymoon. 

“Hahn.”

“I must confess to you that I fancied many women and even enjoyed a few of them, I even imagined that a wife could be just another woman in my life. However, you’ve made me realize that wife is man’s very own woman, different from all other women,” he said.

“Are you upset that you didn’t get a virgin man,” he enquired, as she didn’t respond

“Not at all, I was just thinking about something else,” said Sandhya.

“Normally it is better that woman keeps her past from her man but as I appreciate the proclivities of youth, you can be open with me without any hesitation,” he said setting the standard for their relationship.

Then she readily narrated her experience in the city bus, and said, sinking into his chest,

“Now all that would seem so funny,”

“So, he stirred the nest, and the cuckoo flew to my chest,” he said, making light of it all.

“Now I’m relieved; it has been bothering me ever since,” she said  fondling his chest.

“Treat that as one of those small pleasures in life, and no more, but they too have a place of their own in one’s life,” he said smilingly.

“Maybe, it’s my love for you that induced that guilt in me,” she said reaching for his lips.

“While nature has conceived man-woman attraction for the furtherance of procreation, it is man that invented the institution of marriage for orderly living,” he said, after she released his lips, to let her grasp the import of it all. “However, nature didn’t oblige us by altering the catalysis of man-woman chemistry to suit the structured need of marital fidelity. Thus, the human proclivity to get attracted to the opposite sex comes into conflict with the concept of adultery. That’s why it’s not fair to judge the sexual ethics of others.”

“You’re an intellectual, I am proud of you really,” she said in all admiration to him.

“You are my angel, I adore you,” he said, as he became eager all again.

When the time came for them to leave, the old man hoped there would be similar summers to come.

“But with the newborn next time,” said Narasamma, making Sandhya blush to the roots.

After being in the seventh heaven for over a week, the honeymooners left Konaseema for their new sojourn.

Chapter 16

Tidings of Love

Roopa was languid in her bed that morning when she received Sandhya’s telegram - ARRIVING TWENTIETH GODAVARI RECEIVE US STATION.

Overwhelmed, she threw her hands up in excitement. However, she picked up ‘The Hindu’ lying in the door latch as though to confirm the date. Thrilled at the prospect of meeting Raja Rao, she looked at the clock, and was shocked at what she saw.

‘Oh God, the train would arrive in half an hour, the time that takes me to reach the station. Can’t the department show some consideration for such messages,’ she thought in irritation. ‘But why did Sandhya have to wait until the eleventh hour to wire?’

While cursing her friend impulsively, she reached for the mirror instinctively.

‘I’ve to appear before Raja unkempt or keep them waiting to freshen up,’ she thought, apprising herself of her appearance. ‘But I’ve been craving to see him for the past eleven days, am I not? When the longed-for moment is on hand, why am I bothering about my looks? If I don’t show up in time, they may try to make it on their own. Won’t that further delay his darshan? Moreover, a mix-up would leave them stranded at the doorsteps, and that would surely present me in a poor light. Oh, no, I will change the sari and mend my hair on the way.’

As soon as she got into an auto-rickshaw, she began goading the driver to go in top gear, all the while blaming herself for her predicament,

‘Oh, how stupid I was! It’s my idea to receive them at the station that has landed me in this mess? Didn’t they say they would make it on their own even then? But, I insisted on receiving them, didn’t I? But how could I’ve anticipated all this then? Was it my fault wanting to see him as he got down from the train? For all my longing, don’t I deserve to see him as he alights? But as luck would have it, I might as well miss the bus.’

“What’s wrong with you? Where have you parked your driving skills?” she berated the driver in annoyance.

“Madam, what can be done when the roads are as bad and the tyres so dear,” the driver said in apparent helplessness.

‘Well, the roads too are as wretched as my life,’ she felt dejectedly while her thoughts instinctively turned to Sathyam, ‘of all days, why had he to go today on that god-damn tour? Had he not woke me up at four; I wouldn’t have had a disturbed sleep later, and so should’ve got up as usual. It’s as though ill-luck would shadow me in his shape.’

Having reached the Secunderabad Railway Station with such wayward thoughts, Roopa all but fumbled at the Enquiry Counter but on learning that the Godavari was expected shortly, such was her relief that she didn’t bother to check up whether she was early in coming or the train was late in arriving.

Pregnant with expectations all again, she rushed to the designated platform and awaited their arrival with all her heart. Having instinctively recalled the glow on Sathyam’s face in the wake of their first night, she thought, ‘post-nuptials, how would Raja look?’, and tried to envision him with a peculiar sense of thrill. ‘Raja must be looking at his handsomest best given his unique looks,’ she resolved in the end, and recalling his enamored demeanor and his longing touch, she craved even more for him.

‘It feels as though we met only the other day,’ she thought in all fondness. ‘How two weeks have passed since! When weeks could roll by in his thoughts, then years could be but fleeting moments in his company, won’t they be? Oh, why does he never leave my thoughts? It’s as if I’m incapable of holding any picture other than his persona now! It’s as though he has become an immutable essence of my consciousness.’

‘Would he have given me a damn all these days?’ it crossed her mind to her consternation. ‘Were it possible that he wouldn’t have thought about me at all? Why, hasn’t the love bug bitten us in the same vein? But still, wasn’t it just a brief encounter? Is it possible that it was just an agreeable distraction for him? Moreover, hasn’t he been with his beautiful bride all the while? What a stupid I’m to expect that he would long for me!’

Though startled by that thought, she nevertheless conjectured in hope,

‘He loves Sandhya for sure, and don’t I rejoice at her fortune for that. Still can’t he feel some fondness for me as well? In spite of his preoccupation with Sandhya, shouldn’t he be thinking about me in blissful anticipation? Maybe the same way I think of him while in Sathyam’s arms.’

‘What if the glow of my attraction had paled by Sandhya’s effervescence in his eyes?’ she thought in fright, as her doubts resurfaced. ‘Sandhya’s ardency should’ve nipped his passion for me in the bud. Don’t I know how ardent she is? Besides, her ethereal beauty should’ve bewitched him, blinding his eyes to my charms forever. The softness of her manner should’ve seeped into the soft centre he could have nursed for me in his heart. Her love by now could have satiated his lust, obliterating the traces of his infatuation for me.’

As she turned gloomy thus, she thought melancholically,

‘I should’ve known that it wouldn’t lead me anywhere. Yet, how did I fail to rein in my enamored heart! Why this fruitless feeling for my friend’s man? Won’t this fatal attraction for him engulf my life in passionate misery? Well, the dead weight of my hopes used to be a