Eric - Jody Kaye (read out loud books .txt) 📗
- Author: Jody Kaye
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Book online «Eric - Jody Kaye (read out loud books .txt) 📗». Author Jody Kaye
I’m apologizing to them over and over, unsure if I’m speaking or thinking my pleas for forgiveness. No one will ever understand how sorry I am.
The doctor who comes in to examine Corey takes one look at my vacant expression and says I’m in shock. He doesn’t make me put him back on the exam table. After giving Corey a clean bill of health, he suggests prescribing me a sedative. I refuse the medication and, while Eric tries to cajole me into taking the advice, he also doesn’t force it on me. I remember why he’s the boy I fell for. Why I’ll never love another man the way I love Eric.
Other than when we’re escorted back to Kingsbrier and Corey is buckled into a carrier, I don’t let go of him.
At home, we get Corey ready for bed, dressing him in a fresh sleeper, and letting him rest with us. Neither of us has the energy left to change our clothes. Eric crawls onto the bed in his dirty pants, spooning his front to my back and rounding his hand over the baby’s bottom the way he’d done before Cory was born and my belly was swollen.
Blissfully unaware, and more importantly, unscathed, Corey tugs at my long hair
I stare into the old tack closet sufficing as Corey’s bedroom at the elegant crib.
“There’s hardly enough room to close the folding door,” I comment.
“It doesn’t make a difference. I don’t want Corey out of my sight,” Eric replies.
My confidence wobbles before I speak, but putting Corey up for adoption is the right thing to do for our little boy. “We should’ve decided to let him go.”
He should have gone to a family ready for children. A mother who knows what she’s doing could still adopt him. The kind of woman who doesn’t leave a child unattended, let alone sitting in an unlocked car. Not that locking the doors matters. A good parent wouldn’t leave their child in a parking lot at all.
I wish I had the courage to make this decision before Corey was born, but wasn’t strong enough to push Eric away. My boyfriend could have led the life he’d planned with no strings attached. Perhaps he hasn’t lost the opportunity to find someone more worthy of his love than me.
My stepfather is being charged with kidnapping and two counts of aggravated assault. I alone take responsibility for my actions and won’t blame Alan Adair for the problems I’ve created. However, I lived with the man for six years. It’s unfathomable how that the ugliness I encountered at home hadn’t rubbed off.
I berate myself, taking personal each insult anyone has thrown at me since the beginning. A decent woman doesn’t trick a man into having a baby, no matter how in love they are. Corey and Eric are better off without me, so they have a chance at happiness.
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32
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I bury my face into Ginny’s hair. We’re unwashed, wearing the same ragged clothes we had on during the long rainy afternoon in the dirty parking lot. Still, our bed smells of her shampoo and the fresh powder scent infused in everything of Corey’s.
Laying down at night, this is a whiff of home, of safety, security, and everything that keeps my world spinning on its axis. What Ginny is suggesting is akin to febreezing their existence. The cloying stench of chemical gardenias and fake vanilla makes my throat close up tight. I’d truly begun thinking we could manage being the best parents to Corey.
I understand how much Ginny worries about being a good mother. I hadn’t needed to know from the guy whose wallet she’d returned that Ginny was a good person. It’s the reason I fell in love with her twice in the past few years. Okay, make it three times. I couldn’t help but fall in love with Ginny again in December when Corey came into the world.
Looking back on the day my son was born, I never realized anything would hurt as much as watching Ginny giving birth. I’d been helpless to make her pain go away. Today was a thousand-fold worse. The uncertainty over whether or not the baby was okay this afternoon was the most horrible part of losing Corey.
Ginny’s asking us to sacrifice our relationship for the sake of the baby, but I’d vowed in the parking lot if my boy came back I’d do everything in my power to keep my family safe. It’s selfish, but there’s no way I’ll give either of them up knowing there’s a chance they’ll be hurt and I won’t be the one protecting them.
“I can’t live without either of you. I’d die tryin’.”
“You didn’t deserve this. I can never make up for what I did.”
A lone tear trails down, landing on the baby’s terry cloth pajamas. I hold her tighter.
“I know your heart, Gin. Simply watching you try is enough for me. I don’t want anyone else to be our baby’s momma. I can’t bear to consider coming home without you being here. I don’t want to miss a single day of Corey growing up. Not after today. At some point, he’ll leave us of his own accord. I need to know we’re the ones who made him the person he’ll become and that he’s happy and healthy. I want my boy to see me still loving you so someday he’ll love a girl as much and know they can get through anything together. When they are old and gray and their babies leave, I want Corey to have someone just like you to rely on and keep loving.”
I want nothing more than what my parents have always had.
I shudder to think about what Gin must’ve lived through growing up in a house with Alan and the things she hadn’t revealed he was capable of. While it may not justify her transgressions, it makes them make sense.
“Reliable and lovable are the last words to describe who I am.” Gin judges herself.
“No, Sugar, those words are a perfect description of who you are. You are the only person who has kept me going since my brothers and sisters left. The only one to love me through it, and the sole focus keeping me sane today when our world came crashing down on us. I won’t throw us away.”
“How can you still love me after all the things I’ve done wrong?”
“Because everything you do right outweighs them.”
“I’m so sorry, Eric.”
“I know. Sleep now, Sugar, tomorrow is for us. No work. No leaving the apartment. You, me, and Corey. That’s it. We will figure the rest out later.”
Her breathing relaxes and I take my son from her arms, finding I can’t put the baby in his crib the way I planned. I need to feel Corey’s solid form against my chest to remind me he’s real, and home.
I prop my back against the pillows and spread Corey’s blanket over the two of them. Ginny rolls over, placing her left hand on top of Corey. I moved the diamond in her engagement ring so it stands upright.
At sixteen, I hadn’t known the first thing about loving Ginny. At seventeen, making love to her was intimidating. When we were eighteen, I was clueless about how I’d manage as a parent. Now, at nineteen, I’ve done all those things with the one person I was meant to spend my life with.
I rest my eyes, remaining vigilant and awake the rest of the night, grateful for the warmth surrounding me. I ponder where I’ve come from. Nothing has gone according to plan. Yet, this life is everything to me and the sense of loss, believing it could be over in the blink of an eye, was more than I’d ever considered possible. Being without Ginny or Corey isn’t anything I’m willing to endure.
Maybe we hadn’t needed a plan? Perhaps the sense of security I needed was as simple as remaining pointed in the right direction? Other than a split second of chance today, the path toward spending our lives together and raising a family has never wavered. Somehow, though, waiting any longer to get married doesn’t make sense. Gin agreed to be my forever and I’ve decided forever starts now.
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33
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“It’s my room.” I attempt pushing Brier out the door. For someone as diminutive as my sister, she’s solid.
“No, it’s not your room anymore. We will vacate, though, since Daveigh has a hair dryer in our bathroom we’ll need to make Gin beautiful.” Brier juts her hip. “What’re you doing in here that is so dang important anyhow?”
“Gin’s beautiful without you interfering and none of your business.” I fold a plastic dry cleaning bag with a pink dress in it over Brier’s shoulder and shove her makeup clutch at her. Ginny doesn’t need makeup and I’m afraid of what my sisters are turning her into for our wedding. I toss a curling iron on top of it all and push Brier the rest of the way out of the bedroom. “Get out and take all this girly crap with you.” I let the door hot Brier in the butt.
The phone rings on the nightstand and I jump into the air with my hands outstretched as if I’m blocking a goal from entering a soccer net. I land on the bed and grabbed for the phone on the nightstand, breathing heavily.
“You there?” Colton asks.
“Yeah.”
“Helps if you open your mouth and spit out a few words. You’re developing a bad habit, man.”
I’d like to blame it on Brier, yet it’s not worth the effort. My number one priority is marrying Ginny. The rest of the stuff we had to cross off the list has made getting to the altar take an awfully long time and given me a case of the pre-wedding jitters. It’s been two weeks of waiting for something to go wrong.
“You should be here.”
“And leave my company to have all the fun without me?” He pauses, admitting the four of us are still a part of his team. “I should be there. Thanks for the recent batch of snapshots. It was good to see Corey is okay. I feel like I was MIA in your hour of need.”
Colton threatened to break every bone in Alan Adair’s body had he been anywhere near Texas. It was a good thing the asswipe pleaded no contest to the charges after hearing the mountain of evidence against him. He’ll be rotting in a prison cell for the next twenty years. Diana has started divorce proceedings. It’s going to take years to dig out from under the mountain of debt her husband got them into.
“I’ll send more pictures tonight. Momma’s got Corey decked out in a pink bow tie.”
“Don’t you dare. It’s your wedding night. You aren’t nervous, are you?”
“We live together and have a kid so no I’m not worried about the honeymoon.” It’s dumb to seek my twin’s reassurance. It’s not Ginny who gives me second thoughts. Colton isn’t standing next to me today and there’s a void without his presence. “You think I’m doing the right thing?”
“Since you pushed me off the damned haystack, yeah. Although, it kinda sounds like you are about to pass out. Unless you breathe this hard on the phone with Adam too?” Something in Colton’s joking tone is older, wiser.
“Asshole...I miss you.”
“The feeling’s mutual.”
“Coming home any time soon?” Like today. Today would be a good day
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