I Choose You by Kemi Adejumo (classic novels for teens txt) 📗

Jessica's pov

I had so much Fun with luke today. First we went to an amusement park and when we came back,  we decided to go horse riding. The fun we were having soon came to an end when we met Christian at the field. At first I was excited to finally see him after missing him through out the day  but the way he acted afterwards to Luke made me mad at him. 

Also I know I don't look the same but he didn't have to use his jacket to cover me up like he owns me.  He clearly doesn't and I need him to start acting like that. Ok maybe a part of me was hoping he would see me and start looking at me like a woman.  So far so good,  that didn't happen. He looked unimpressed by my appearance but  Luke said I looked really good. I guess not.  He immediately dragged me to his room , went into his closet and came out with a pack of wipes , a hoodie and sweats. Really? He wants me to change outfit? Christian is being ridiculous right now. 

He took the wipes and started cleaning my makeup off.  

"Christian stop....are you crazy? " I tried to run away but he held me so tight.  I struggled and struggled but I got tired so I let him do whatever he wanted to do.    When he was done cleaning off my makeup,  he had a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Better,  here change into these" he said handing me the hoodie and sweat pants.  

"No" I objected

"Will you go change now or do you want me to do it for you? " he threatened

"I dare you "  I said and before I knew it,  he pounced on me and started removing my jacket.

"OK fine... fine.... I will change " I surrendered and took the clothes.    

"You are a controlling psycho freak" I sneered before matching into his closet, changed into the clothes and came back out.

"Now there is my ugly Jess... this is better.... here come sit" he commented but I was in no mood to listen to him.  Why is he acting like this.... I don't even want to be here with him.  I didn't pay him any attention. I just packed up my clothes and headed to the door. Before I could get to the door he blocked my way.

"Get out of my way Christian " I groaned but he was adamant.  

"No.... I am not" he replied jokingly except I don't find this funny.  

He tried to old my hands and dragged me towards his bed but I pulled my hands back with so much anger.

"Stop Christian!!!  Will you just stop?? I am sick and tired of you controlling my life.  What I do , wear or who I hang out with is not your business.  You don't own me Christian Kingston so why don't you stop acting like you care about me because you obviously don't. You are Choking me Christian,  your presence chokes me!!!" I snapped and then I realized what I just said. I looked at Christian and I have never seen him so hurt. He looked like he didn't believe I just said all that.

"Christian..." I tried to hold his hands but he didn't let me.  

"Is that how you feel with me? " he asked really broken.  

How do I tell him that his presence chokes me because I am scared I can't control myself in front of him.   The more he cares for me,  the deeper I fall for him and it really hurts. it really hurts because I want more but can't get it.  I want him to tell me that he loves me and I want him to be able to recognize the love I have for him. 

I want to be able to call him mine and show him how much I love him. Everytime I see him,  I want to do things to him  that are unimaginable.  But how do I tell him that his presence makes me feel things  that I can't act upon. 

I want him to hold and love me.  I want him to see me as a woman and not just his best friend that he has to protect.  

l don't want to be hurt anymore , I don't want to love someone that doesn't love me back.  I am tired of feeling like this.  I am tired of waiting and hoping that he will love me back.   I want to move on.... I give up.

"I want space Christian...i can't do this anymore" I confessed while crying.  "For now... please give me space " I said as I watch him break in front of me.  I don't want to see him hurt but I am doing this for myself and I choose to put myself first.

"I will take my leave " before I could leave,  Christian grabbed my hands and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Why are you doing this Jess? " he asked with a cracked voice.  "please Jess you know I hate it when we fight. Is it because of Luke?  Fine you can hang out with him as long as you want.  You can wear whatever you want to wear but please don't push me away " he pleaded.

"No Christian stop please... just give me time." I cried.  It annoys me that he can't see what he his doing.  It annoys me that he is not saying what I want to hear.

"OK fine but atleast tell me what I did wrong... please" he wailed. What can I say that he did wrong?  Do I tell him that I am sad and mad at him because he doesn't love me back?  

"I can't do this right now... I have to go "  I said running towards the door.

"Jess... please wait... please " he ran after me and as soon as I opened the door,  I was faced with Evelyn surprised face.

"Uhm... hi. I came to see Christian " she said but I didn't bother to answer her.  I just ran and ran not bothering that Christian ran after me.  I got to my room and locked tge door.  Thankfully Andy was not in.  

Christian kept banging my door and begging me to open the door but I didn't answer him. Later on,  I didn't hear the bangs anymore.  I guess he left but the thought of him didn't leave my mind.  I cried myself to sleep.... again...for the same person... that can never love me. 

Hey guys.... Do you guys think Jess is fair by pushing Christian away.... I mean it is not his fault,  is it? He doesn't even know why she's pushing him but then again,  she has to put herself first.  Anyways thank you guys for the love you have shown this book.... Love you guys... Wishing you the best holidays.