Do You Remember Me? - Onyx (distant reading .txt) 📗

Chapter 3

I woke early that morning, still curled up under that tree, but I didn’t open my eyes. I sorted through thoughts of the previous night and everything Jaclyn told me. She was right. The best thing for me to do now was leave. Danielle didn’t remember anything nor me and maybe that was a good thing. Perhaps this was my punishment for my infidelity. Why was I so careless and ignorant and selfish? I detested myself for that.
“Sir.”
Great. Now someone was either going to yell at me or ask if I needed help.
“Sir.”, they said again. A female voice.
I rolled over and looked up at Danielle, who was staring at me solemnly. For a moment I thought I was still in my dream and was about to kiss her, but the fear in her eyes brought me back to reality. God, I wanted to grab her and hold her. Why was she here? To torment me further? Did she follow me?
“Danielle, why are you here?” I sniffled, sitting upright against the old, mangled tree trunk. I hadn’t even noticed I’d been crying.
“I have questions. Something told me to come here so I did and I found you.”
“Questions… like?”
“First, why are you crying?”
“I… it doesn’t matter.” I sighed, fidgeting. She cautiously leaned over, ready to back off or run away if I made any sudden movement or noise, and she wiped the tears from my face with her thumb.
“Is it me?” She whispered.
“No. Why would you say that?”
“You… said my name… in your sleep. First time I thought I’d imagined it, but then you said it again. That was all.” She sat next to me. There was just enough room. That was one big reason why we had always liked this tree. It had big roots but this one space between them fit us both comfortably.
“Well I-“
She cut me off, “You dream of me.”
I sighed. This had to be confusing for her. She must think of me as some kind of stalker. First, having me say her name at the park and interrogate her. And now I say her name in my sleep and dream of her.
I said nothing. I just stared at her, my love for her burning my insides. Would I ever hear her say ‘I love you’ ever again? Would I ever be able to hold her hand or smell her hair again? Would I ever be able to hold her while she cried and would I ever feel her lips against mine again? I was a stranger to her. She didn’t realize but that fact and that fact alone – that she didn’t remember me – tore me up. It destroyed me. It made me want to curl up and die or take my own life. She was my purpose, but I no longer meant anything to her.
“The other day at the park, you recognized me. You said my name. You know me… how?”
“Danielle… we used to be very close friends… until the car accident.”
She glared at me, “Don’t lie. Jaclyn made the car accident up, I know it. She always changes the details when I ask. Like the time of day, the color of the car, and how I hit my head. So don’t try to be like Jaclyn, I freaking hate liars. I want to know the truth. That is why I’m here.”
There was my Danielle again. Still easily sees through lies and disguises. Still observant. I couldn’t lie to her anymore, but I wasn’t ready to tell her the truth either.
“Okay… we used to be… well more than just friends… things happened and I left you with Jaclyn, but it was for your safety. I had no other choice. I’ll explain soon but I came back for your forgiveness. You didn’t remember me…” I sighed, “Do you even know my name, Danielle?” My voice broke at the last word.
There. A quick summary of the truth, without actually revealing anything at all.
Danielle squinted at me, focusing. Trying so desperately to remember. To remember something. Minutes passed and she furrowed her brows. Eventually she relaxed and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I nodded and sighed, fighting back tears. Danielle gently placed her hand upon mine, her touch soft, warm and caring, just as she always was. A moment passed in silence, and I carefully intertwined my fingers with hers, watching her eyes for any sign of disgust or displeasure, if she would hate me for this, but she did nothing. She said nothing against it.
“When you remember my name, I’ll tell you everything.” I promised. She nodded.
“What was I like… before I lost my memory?” a hint of fear shown in her eyes. I knew now why it was there, not of me anymore, but of herself. Of the unknown.
“Just as you are now. Caring. Observant. Determined and open-minded. Sweet. Gentle… beautiful.”
She looked at me then, sadness in her eyes, “I’m sorry I don’t remember you. I know you’re hurting because of me.”
“It’s okay, Danielle. I am fine… now you said you had questions?”
“I do. Lots…”
I watched her stare into space, focusing on something that wasn’t there for me to see. Her eyes grew wide, her face pale, “Sometimes I have dreams… of being alone in the woods. Afraid. My whole body aches. Sometimes I have very short dreams of being carried somewhere. Sometimes I have dreams of eyes watching me in the dark. Or that I’m chained up in a dark, damp room and the water below me is tinted red with my blood. Then there’s one in particular I have sometimes, of sitting under this tree crying. Screaming occasionally. Whispering something to myself I never understood. I always wondered if these were really just memories. Every time I tell Jaclyn about these, she gives me these pills that knock me out and I can’t remember anything for three days. There are so many gaps in my memory… so much of myself I don’t even know. It scares me and I feel so alone…”
Jaclyn was giving her pills to forget these things, because she knew they were memories. She made up the car accident, which leaves out another piece. Why doesn’t Danielle remember anything before the day we dropped her off at Jaclyn’s door?
“Danielle, do not tell Jaclyn of these things anymore. You tell me, okay? I’m here for you. I’ll always be here at the park when you wish to speak with me. Oh, and don’t tell Jaclyn you see me here, alright?”
She gave me a fake little smile and nodded.
5 silent minutes or so passed before she spoke up, “I better go. I’ll probably be back tomorrow morning.”
“Okay…”
I watched her stand and leave, the whole time fighting the urge to say ‘I love you’ and kiss her or at least hug her. It would be wrong. I needed to earn her trust first. Then tell her the truth and see what happened then.
So Jaclyn was giving her pills that took her memory. Could some pills really make a person forget their entire past though? Things didn’t add up. Something else happened and Jaclyn was a part of it. Jaclyn knew and didn’t want anyone to know. I had to find out.

Jaclyn

The door slammed shut and I ran to the living room.
“Danielle!” I shouted and she turned to me, her face full of confusion.
“What, Jaclyn?”
I stood about 5 feet from her now, “I was worried. Don’t go to the park for that long or that early again.”
She squinted at me, “That’s never been a problem before. I always go that early and I usually stay longer.”
I smiled, “No you don’t. Just don’t do it again.”
“Jaclyn what is up with you these past couple days?” She crossed her arms.
I frowned, “What are you talking about?” but I knew what she meant. I’d been overprotective since my run-in with Chris at the diner and our meeting at the dock. He shouldn’t be here. Maybe he took my advice and left. Knowing him, that was very unlikely, but then again, he’d do anything for Danielle. Maybe whatever had happened had given him some sense.
A guilty feeling crept inside me. He loved her and he’d returned like he said. But she didn’t remember anything and that was my fault. She didn’t love him anymore, but that was the price of her happiness. The price of not having to remember what happened. Didn’t Chris understand? I wasn’t the guilty one here. I never was! I was the one who helped Danielle. Not Chris! He abandoned her!
She shook her head, “I’m going to my room. If you need anything, holler.”
I grabbed the pill bottle from the counter, “First, take your pills. You said the nightmares were coming back, right?”
She gulped. “…No thanks, Jaclyn I’m fine. It was only one, very short. If it repeats tonight I’ll take the pills.”
“Dani-“
“Those pills make me nauseous and I feel horrible after I take them.”
I sighed, “Fine.” I’ll hide them in her dinner. I couldn’t let her remember. She disappeared into her room, probably to draw and listen to new age music, something she’d only recently got into.
I turned around to get back to cooking some pasta, but I ran into something and started to fall backwards, but two hands caught my arms and pulled me back to my feet.
“Hello again.” He said in a low voice.
“How the hell did you get in here? How did you find-“
He put a hand over my mouth, “Not too loud now. She mustn’t know I’m here. Now tell me.” He nodded towards the pill bottle in my hand, “What are those and what are they for?”
He released my mouth and I hissed, “Pills. For her nightmares.”
He gritted his teeth, placed his hands upon my shoulders, and pushed me against the wall, his face just a few centimeters from mine. He glared into my eyes, “Bull. Why doesn’t she remember anything?”
I handed him the pill bottle and he read the back.
“ ‘Overdosing may cause memory loss’.” He threw the bottle on the counter, “You’re tricking her into overdosing on this crap so that she forgets everything?”
“For her sake. Do not worry about it, Chris. She is no longer of your concern.”
“You’ll kill her, Jaclyn.”
“You already did.” I hissed, trying to push him off me, but he was stronger than me by far.
His eyes welled up, but he didn’t cry, “She may not remember me now, but I still love her. I always will. I refuse to let you do this to her!”
“Get. The. Hell. Out. Of my house. If I ever see you