End of the World. - Terry Kuder III (ebook pdf reader for pc TXT) 📗

didn't even know if you were still alive, but I didn't care. I knew that I needed to tell you that I was sorry, if it was the last thing I did." The tears started leaking again. "I'm sorry, Tayla. I'm so terribly sorry. Before you wouldn't listen to me and it sucked. I know that I deserved it and a lot of what happened between us was my fault. I should have never betrayed you. I should have trusted you a little more. I should have loved you more. I should have treated you better. I know that I didn't do these things and I know that because we aren't together. I know this. Every day....every day, I was wondering what I could do to make things better. What I could do to make you love me again. And not just love me, but love me like you used to. I knew after the fifteenth time of screwing up that I wasn't going to get better, but I...I thought that if I had treated you better....then maybe...just maybe you could love me for who I was. I mean, I know that I wasn't the best for you to be with....but...but, I know that you are the best person for me to be with. And, you know, maybe that's not enough...I mean, it wasn't enough." I was bawling. The articulated speech that I intended to deliver now became this mess of a monologue.
"It wasn't fair to you. I know this. It wasn't. I was unfair to you and I'm sorry for that too. I said...I said things that I didn't mean. That I said out of anger. It wasn't fair. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. I shouldn't have said the things that I did. It's mostly because of the things that I said to you that things got worse for us and I'm so sorry. If I had known...if I had just known that the end of the world would be coming this soon...no, forget that...no matter what was to happen with the world, I shouldn't have done, said, and treated you the way I did. You deserve better, Tayla. You really do. I'm glad that you moved on...I mean, yeah, it hurt, but I'm glad that you tried to be happy. I wanted to make you happy, I really did. There are no excuses for how I was. None. And I know that even now...that saying all of this won't take the pain that you've felt away. I know that this apology isn't going to magically make up for the past couple of months that you've cried yourself to sleep. I was wrong and I'm sorry."
She was crying now. I knew that it would be this way. She started to talk, but I wasn't finished yet. "I love you, Tayla. I have loved you all this time and it was only through stupidity and ignorance that I wasn't able to treat you like I should have. I've loved you from the first moment that I told you. Remember? At my brother's graduation?" She nodded and I smiled. "Even then I loved you. Of course, I did treat you better then. As time went on, I don't know what happened to me. Even now I couldn't tell you. I tried to win your affection and love through my writings and my poems and what not. It worked for a little bit, but with how you were treated; it just makes all those writings seem like a joke. A fairytale. And we both know that fairytales aren't real. It's one thing to express how you feel...but it's important to show how you feel. They're two different things and I know this now. A day late and a dollar short, right? So, now it's the end of the world and I have come to you, with a twisted ankle, a bent in chest, and a gashed in forehead in this freezing weather to tell you that I'm sorry and that I love...that I love you. I know it's not fair for me to ask you this, but I have one request..." I paused. "Can...can you love me today? With all that I have put you through, can you please love me today?" I positioned myself on my knees, placing my hands in a begging manner. "Even if the world doesn't end today, is it possible for you to love me again? Like you used to? I want to feel that warmth again, Tayla. I want to feel that you love me and not just because it's the end of the world, but because I love you. I love you so much and if it was possible to take a small portion of my love, could you use it? Could you?" My face was drenched now. It was nearly impossible to go on.
I started again, but this time she interrupted me. "Shut up. Just...please...shut up. You're an idiot." I was a little surprised. "You are an idiot. I'll give you that. I never stopped loving you, Terry. I never did. Just because I tried to go on and live happily doesn't mean that I stopped loving you. I'll agree with you: you were impossible to be with. You were so crazed with jealousy and paranoia that loving you became a task. Loving someone shouldn't have to be as hard as you made it. It should just come out fluently, with ease. Yet, somehow...and God help me, I still loved you. So it may not be like I used to...and for this I am sorry." We both were crying, our eyes leaking like faucets. I had expected this. I knew she wasn't holding anything back. I did deserve this and the end of the world wasn't going to stop this conversation. I looked down at the ground, sniffling, knowing of how ashamed I was. She was right. What more was there to say. I started to get up to go, but was stopped by a hand pulling me back down. "But..." she started. She looked up at me with her teary eyes. "...but..." A slight smile. "I can love you today, Terry. I can love you not because it's the end of the world...and not because you deserve it. I...I can love you because I want to. I want to love you, Terry. I don't want to love you like I used to though...I want to love you more than I used to." The tears continued to flow. A waterfall was happening in the mountains of Georgia and the only spectators were the two souls that now began to grasp each others hands. I pulled her up on her legs and brought her in close. The moment lasted forever. As we held to each other, snowflakes began to fall. We both realized that it was still cold and the shivering began again. Our embrace became tighter. She broke the silence. "Will you let me love you more than you want?" Her question pierced me with so much emotion that I began to cry yet again.
"Of course....my darling...of course I will."
The next four hours...were the best hours of my entire life. My life was complete. We were able to find some more clothing in the wreckage of her house. As some more time passed, we laid down on a blanket that we recovered from the house as the snow tumbled down lightly, tickling my nose. She placed her head upon my stomach, listening to my shallow breathing. A song emerged from my head and I found myself humming it out loud. I could hear her smile. She knew what song it was. She started to softly hum in unison with me. When the chorus came around, our light hums turned into light singing. "Aaaand, life is a road that I wanna keep going....Love is a river I wanna keep flowing. Life is a road, now and forever....wonderful journey." We both sang out loud, our voices rising as we progressed with the chorus. We continued with the rest of the song, singing it like never before. When the chorus came around again, we lost ourselves in the moment. We were singing as loud as our voices could boast, not caring if anyone heard. We were a duet and the world and its dying nature was our audience. At the end of the song, we started to lower our voices again, slowing down the song. At the last lines, we were emotional. "...I'll be there when the world stops turning...I'll be there when the storm is through....In..the..end, I want to be standing....at...the beginning....wiiiiith....yooooooouuuu." We faded, sniffling as we embraced each other.
It didn't seem like this would be the last night on Earth. This night in particular reminded me a lot of a night a couple of years back. It was a summer night though. Much warmer too.
"You remember that night, right?" I asked after a couple of moments of reminiscing.
"Which one?"
"The one where your dad was in the hospital and..."
"You came over?" she finished.
"Yeah." I smiled gently.
"The stars were much like tonight. There's so many of them." It was almost like she read my mind. "Is that what reminded you?"
"Yeah. You know me too well."
"I know." she breathed a sigh of comfort, laying her head on my shoulder.
More moments of silence followed. I looked over at her with a grin spreading across my face.
"Don't even say it." She scowled playfully.
"What? Say what?"
"You know." Another moment of silence. This time she smiled. "Yes, I do remember."
"I knew you did." I smiled knowing that she did, in fact, know what I was thinking.
I propped myself on my arms and leaned in to kiss her. Through the years it was true that both of us had changed, but if there was one aspect that didn't, this was it. Kissing her was like kissing her for the first time. Everything went haywire from my stomach to my lips. My body began to shake and it was almost as if I forgot how to kiss, but my brain was too familiar with this to forget. It was just...rusty.
"Um....speaking of parents...where are yours?" I asked, breaking the kiss.
"They went out of town this week. I think they were going somewhere to celebrate New Years."
"Oh. Do you think they know about all of this?" This question was seemingly ignorant, but it was very possible that many people were still unaware of the impending doom.
"I don't know and you know, I hope they don't. I mean, I would wish for them to be happy their last final hours here."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"You bet I am." She smiled. She was absolutely beautiful.
Around 11, we went searching for a radio of some kind. Fortunately, we were able to find a portable one after only ten minutes of