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hope they're not mad at me when I make an appearance.

 

-- 

 

I turn off the engine as I look up into the sky out of my window.

 

I missed this neighborhood.

 

 

And there it was, home sweet home.

 

 

I cherished this place so much. It's good to be back home.

 

I adjusted my black dress before walking ahead.

 

I pass by the new planted lilac flowers outside. I open the door to the building. 

 

 

The same old smell, runs up my nose as I look into the half dead hallway. 

 

 

Loud talking.

 

Possibly from a neighbor that has the tv volume up. I ignore the sound as I peer into Mrs. Wilson's apartment.

 

It was still old and empty, and boarded up. No one in plain sight.

 

 

I gather myself from my thoughts as I head to the elevator.

 

I pressed the button to go up.

 

 

I couldn't believe I was back home, it made me feel all nervous. Like the memories were coming back.

 

All those times and moments, so special. It came flooding back into my brain.

 

 

I stare down at the elevator floor as it dings and opens.

 

I look into the empty 5th floor and walk out silently.

 

 

No one has lived up here in years. Not one single person has since the last time I remembered.

 

I near the door again, just like before. When I left home.

 

 

Apartment #37.

 

 

This was it, my time to make up for the lost year I spent withering away.

 

I take a breath in as I stood in front of the door motionless.

 

This was truly nerve wrecking.

 

 

 

I finally make up my mind and knock on the door.

 

2 soft knocks leave my hand as silence fills the hallway. Then I do it again, this time more rough.

 

 

I hear foosteps nearing the door, I take a step back.

 

I quickly bounce my hair around through my fingers as the nervous feeling in my stomach returns.

 

 

Several locks made noises as the door unlocks. It creaks open as eyes peak out of it.

 

 

The door is swung wide after a second. Mom was in full view, she wore a thick knit sweater that was white.

 

Her hair falls over her shoulders. Her lips pursed together.

 

 

Mom's eyes dart into mine. I stare blankly at her before my gaze turns to dad. He's reading the newspaper on a new couch inside the apartment.

 

 

He gets up and noticed the door was open. He walks over slowly but fast with attention. None of us spoke, only surprised looks.

 

 

''Mom...'' I said softly, barely audible.

 

 

She takes a small breath.

 

''Elle.'' she finally says.

 

 

I felt a tear fall down from my face. I didn't think taht I would cry. 

 

 

''Oh, honey.'' Dad finally says.

 

 

He pulls me into an embrace as I stay there motionless a bit.

 

It was truly grateful to seem them again.

 

 

It took me a while before I finally fled my arms around him. Mom comes darting from behind him. 

 

Her warms arms surround me and her hot breath nears my face.

 

I let out a sob I held.

 

 

Then after a breif second, we all cut from the embrace as I wipe my tears.

 

 

''Honey, how are you?'' Mom asks.

 

''Fine, i'm fine.'' I said, happily wiping the rest of my tears.

 

 

''Come in. I don't want this family reunion to be continued outside our door.'' mom suggests.

 

Dad chuckles as he wonders back in to sit on the couch, mom follows behind me.

 

 

My eyes search the apartment. There were mostly a few new things.

 

My home wasn't the same it was before.

 

I clutched onto my handbag.

 

 

''So how are you? Now that you're back in New York, we can talk and visit more.'' Mom says.

 

''Everything's fine. I'm just enjoying summer here in Manhattan.'' I replied.

 

 

''That reminds me, how's Jacob? It's been a while since we've heard from you. How is my son in law?'' Dad says.

 

''We're not married yet, dad. But Jacob's fine.'' I said as my smile disappears.

 

 

Silence takes over the moment. I didn't mean for that answer to make the tension in the air go silent.

 

I bit my bottom lip, hoping for mom or dad to say something again.

 

 

''I think there's something wrong with our daughter.'' Mom replied, looking over to dad.

 

''There's nothing wrong, really me and Jacob are fine.'' I say.

 

 

''Elle, I know that look. Something's upsetting you. Tell me.'' Mom says, stern.

 

''Really, there's nothing wrong, everything's.....peachy.'' I tried to exclaim.

 

 

I sigh as I look into mom's eyes, she had the look. And I mean the look every mom has.

 

When she knows there's something wrong.

 

''Tell me.'' she replies.

 

 

I finally break my stance near the door and sit down across from her. 

 

 

''Now just like always, tell me what's wrong and what I can do to help.'' she says breaking the silence.

 

''I feel bad and upset for not accomplishing the things that I wanted for a long time.'' I replied with worry in my voice.

 

 

It seemed almost rehearsed in my head. But the last part sounded like it was my doing.

 

It was so hard to face mom and to say that.

 

 

''I think you're feeling a little insecure about certain things. Even from other people you've grown with.'' she finally replies.

 

''No, I don't. I love my friends. I could never be jealous of them.'' I shot back.

 

 

''Everyone can feel jealous and insecure sometimes. We all grow insecure about something we don't have because someone, or a friend has it. Now tell me who.'' Mom says.

 

''No.'' I whispered, looking down to the white carpet.

 

 

I rested my head onto my right hand as my elbow balanced on my leg.

 

''Eleven,...tell me.'' she replied stern.

 

 ''You used to call me Eleven.'' I hissed at her through my lips.

 

 

When I finally looked up, mom was staring at me patiently.

 

 

She raises her eybrows as I let out a groan, I had to tell her.

 

There's no use in keeping it bottled up.

 

''It's all of my friends. Their lives are going fine while mine is going in a sprial.'' I replied.

 

 

''Oh, Elle. When are you going to learn to let it go.'' Mom said.

 

She was upset with me.

 

''What do you mean?'' I say. looking up to her

 

 

''You have to stop putting other people's success in front of yours. You can't pull down your friends because of something that you're insecure about.'' mom says.

 

''I have never done that, why would you say that?'' I shot back.

 

 

''Really? What happened before summer began this year?'' Mom says.

 

''I went on vacation with FARELLE and my friends, and things kind of got crazy down there.'' I replied.

 

 

I kind of felt guilty for telling my mom and dad.

 

 

''Was there conflict or a fight between you and your friends?'' Mom asked.

 

''Kind of. But there was only a fight with Jacob, I swear.'' I replied.

 

 

Mom shakes her head as I look back down to the ground. I sat up straight.

 

''Elle, you have got to stop putting people's success over yours. You've got to stop making people feel bad for something that happened a long time ago.'' she implies.

 

''I know, but...'' I said.

 

 

''I'm saying you should forget what happened before and focus on the present and future.'' Mom says.

 

I sighed as I rested my face back into my right palm.

 

It seemed harder than what she was saying.

 

 

''Look, Elle. I know that you've been through a lot and me too. But you can't blame people or your close friends to make you feel better. You have to heal within. Let go.'' mom says.

 

 

What mom was saying was what a therapist would say to me. I could guess mom took time while she was living up here to gain something postive.

 

She always seemed to do that when she felt tensed or stressed.

 

 

''That's great talk mom.'' I replied not looking at her.

 

I felt a bit bitter about her words, but they seemed to make sense.

 

I needed to stop feeling insecure about my life so much.

 

 

''Shall we drink some tea?'' Dad asks.

 

Even I couldn't resist to say no.

 

I lifted my head up from my right hand again.

 

 

''Yes, black tea. For me.'' I replied smiling back.

 

''Great, we can spend some family time together while you're still here.'' Mom says.

 

 

She kneels up and heads to the kitchen to start on the tea pot.

 

My eyes follow her as she prepared everything.

 

''Elle.'' says dad.

 

 

I turn to him from the kitchen.

 

I get up from my spot and sit next to him on the couch.

 

 

''From your words earlier I suspected something was bothering you.'' he said.

 

''Yeah, but I think it's all behind me now.'' I reply.

 

''And i'm glad, but I what I have to say is...don't lose faith in Jacob.'' he says.

 

 

It stunned me a bit on why he said it.

 

''And how would you know?'' I said.

 

''I come from India, where the soul and aura lives. I could see from your aura, that you are not treating your body right. Or Jacob.'' he says.

 

''Dad, how can you tell?'' I replied.

 

I didn't believe him for a second, it didn't seem right from this point.

 

 

''Just, don't lost faith in that boy. He's a good one.'' he says.

 

 

My eyes shift to the side as I slowly begin to think again, maybe dad was right.

 

Maybe I shouldn't give up on Jacob just yet because of my past.

 

 

The whistle from the tea pot rings in the air as mom turns to us with a smile.

 

''Tea is ready.'' she says.

 

 

 I turn to her as my smile returns to my face.

 

Seeing the way mom looked in that moment brought back memories with my step dad. How we'd all drink together and talk about sweet nothings.

 

 

How dad's smile would slip up to show his sturdy mustache and grey-brown hair.

 

How always adored that mustard green sweater I bought him over winter break when it was my first time away in college.

 

 

I missed dad, even though he was my step dad.

 

But to see mom and Bali happy, was something else. It was my little family, put back together again.

 

 

''Elle, are you gonna join us or stare into space?'' Mom says.

 

''I'm coming.'' I replied.

 

 

I sit down in one of the 3 seats around the new table. All smiles were spread as we all sat down.

 

 

Dad flinches from drinking his tea at first, then he took another sip.

 

''Oh my god, Bali how could you drink that strong tea?'' Mom says, concerned.

 

 

''Easy, I grew up eating and drinking strong stuff. I got used to it. But the tea ginger here, it's not like the one back home.'' he replied.

 

 

''Well i'm glad it's different, better to have you try something new.'' she shot back.

 

I sat there and smiled as I drank my tea. And the warmth of the room began to sprout around us.

 

 

It felt right being home again, and there's going to be plenty of more memories now that Bali is here.

 

I breathed in and breathed out silently before buzzing in on the arguement mom and dad had started.

 

 

Chapter Sixteen: Second Nature

  

''Marybellla, everything's going to be fine.'' I say.

 

She paced around the sitting area of the bridal shop.

 

 

''It's okay mate, we'll get our dresses re-altered.'' Rikki says, trying to fix her dress.

 

 

Bella had picked out a beautiful dark sapphire dress for us to wear. And she was upset when we all found out our dresses weren't properly fitting.

 

Now's it's a disaster.

 

 

''Not it's not, the dresses need to be altered again and I don't have that kind of money to fix it.'' Bella insists.

 

''Excuse me, Ms. Machistan? How will you provide for the alter of the bridesmaids dresses?'' says the lady approaching the us.

 

 

''I'll figure out something.'' Bella replied, turning back to us.

 

 

The lady left us, as Rikki and I stand on 2 separate small catwalks.

 

Marybella sat down as we

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