Unspoken Attractions by Failia Baighaan (read after txt) 📗

21- Regret

Zain went back to his car, sat down, taking a deep breath.

“It happened, just happened. Forget it, it is gone with time.” He breathed out, putting his hand on the steering wheel but the sight when her flushed face came made his heart race.

“Dammit, only if her Mother hadn't come.” He muttered, lowering his head, slamming his hand on the wheel, gritting his teeth.

When did this happen? 

He asked himself but deep down, he doesn’t want to know. 

Feelings don’t come with an invitation after all. 

They knock upon your heart under the most unexpected circumstances.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” He asked, unintentionally bringing his finger closer to his lips, touching it slightly.

Mesmerized by the split second he felt the warmth of her lips upon his, even if the moment was brief and passed in a matter of blinks but it was something new, an experience he never shared before.

“Forget it.” Smiling, shaking his head, he started the car and drove off home to gain a moment of equanimity before leaving for his work. 

He came home with a wide grin spread across his lips which cannot go unnoticed by his Mother, “Ah my, someone seems exhilarated.” 

She smirked, teasing him but not believing he was so obvious, he turned, furrowing his brows.

“What?” He asked, thinking he might have heard her wrong.

“You seem happy, did something happen?” She asked, stopping her work and coming to him.

“No, why do you say so?” He asked nervously, averting his eyes, hoping to go back to his room quietly.

“You are smiling. Normally, your exhaustion amplifies whenever you come back but today… look at you, all glowing.” She chuckled, poking him with her shoulder.

Aima was overly jovial to know if their bond made progress or not. 

“It’s not what you think, Mama.” His smile grew wider, trying to suppress the felicity but couldn’t.

“Oh hush, you cannot fool your Mother. What could lift your mood when your other half is not around hmm?” She asked, standing in front of him, refusing to let him go.

“Other half?” He asked, confused.

“Rayan, who else?” She frowned. 

“Oh, him.” he made an ‘o’ face in understanding, nodding and went to his room, humming, holding his chin as she sighed.

Later, she brought him tea. 

He was lying on the bed, arm covering his face, eyes closed, lost in his profusely unwilling thoughts that are afflicting his mind but he cannot pull away from them either. 

“There is nothing wrong in having feelings for her. She is your fiancée after all.” She shrugged, putting the cup aside.

Removing his hand, he opened his eyes slowly, glancing at her, “I know.” He replied softly.

“Then what seems to be the problem?” She asked and exhaling deeply, he sat up. 

Folding his legs, looking down at his hand with a swirl going through his mind, he had no explanation for the thoughts entering his mind.

“I don’t know how to react to those foreign feelings.” he breathed out after a prolonged silence, after gathering his thoughts in one place. 

“Hmm?” She arched a brow as he continued.

“I.. I have never experienced it before, Mama. You know love was never on my list nor my cup of tea, I was never interested.” He began to say, looking up at her in dejection as Aima still cannot understand the context of his talk.

“Then.. isn’t it good that you are falling for her?” She asked vaguely.

“No, Mama. That’s not it.” He argued due to the frustration building in his mind.

“The thing is, I have never felt it before so I don’t know how it is.” He confessed and disliking his response, she tried to say.

“Zain, love is-” She tried to speak but he cut her off.

“Mama, Please. Everyone has their own definition of love, it is clear it makes you selfish, it gives your butterflies and all this stuff but. I will not define what I feel as love until I am assured.” He said sternly.

He didn’t want to make assumptions hastily, he didn't want to call an attraction or infatuation as love, he needed time to register his own emotions and find his own meaning.

“And I don’t know what I feel is because of this vacuous bond, an obligation or my personal desire. I don’t know.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He was disappointed in himself. Being a perfectionist, he couldn’t figure his own feelings were creating a lava in his heart. “So, please don’t talk about anything until I am sure of myself.”

He was afraid he might not erupt his bomb of emotions on anyone- espeically Hoorain.

“Are you just confused or was it because this bond was forced upon you and you… wanted to break it off?” Aima asked hesitantly, vexed about his response and the glare he showed was a clear response.

“Our life is not a toy nor a doll’s games, Mama. This bond may have started as a burden but don’t you dare to break it off.” He warned her in a low growl.

“Why? Aren’t you the one dying to break off then what happened?” She asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion and gritting his teeth he looked away.

She couldn’t bear it.

“Because it’s not a child’s play. You cannot mock our lives like this so please when the bond is forged, don’t talk about breaking it off.” He said angrily.

Losing his patience to think about breaking this bond exasperated him and he doesn’t want his mind to wander there at all cost.

“I only need time to consider my emotions. If I came to know they are false, I would let her go myself.” He muttered, even if it pained his heart to say this but it was the decision if that time ever came.

“I see.” She hummed, getting up.

“I hope you get what you cannot express.” She smiled, staggering him for a second by her blessing.

He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, only staring at Aima, astounded and she left him alone in his thoughts again where a question arises in his mind.

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