If a Martian Went to the Movies... - Julie Steimle (best novels of all time txt) 📗

“No, you can’t have him!” the voluptuous Hollywood star, squeezed in a slightly too tight mini skirt and spaghetti strap blouse, cried while clinging to the large mechanized chunk of concocted weaponry, pointing it at the drooling, many clawed and spiny, humanoid monster in battle armor.
“You cannot stop us, woman,” the beast alien said with a long dribble out of its mouth while bleeding green pus-like substance on the metal floor. “Our kind is superior to yours. The universe belongs to us, and so does the Earth!”
Zormna moaned in disgust, sinking lower in the theater seat next to Sam and Brian though Jeff was laughing continuously throughout the film. When the people around tried to hush him, he tried to stifle it by covering his mouth, attempting to keep them to chuckles. Mark and Jonathan watched on the edges of their seats, as Brian was chewing nervously on his popcorn. Adam actually sat in a fetal position, closing his eyes at all the slime and blood. He winced when the woman shot a basketball-sized hole through the alien’s chest, everything graphically displayed inside the gaping wound.
“Eat this,” the star said, standing over the huge alien’s bleeding, green, pus-oozing body. She riddled the already dead and flailing corpse with bullets, sending chunks of the metal-like set up into the steam-filled air for greater effect.
“Ew.” Adam gasped, closing his eyes.
Brian’s fingers scraped the bottom of the empty popcorn container. It was their second. He started to glance back at the exit, wondering if he should get more.
Out of the smoky recesses of the ship, other humans came out to witness the corpse of the last of the aliens on board their ship.
“It isn’t over yet,” Mark mouthed the words the woman on the screen said. “There is a whole other Darkan star cruiser out there fixed to destroy the Earth. We have to stop them.”
Zormna moaned again, glancing over at Jeff on the other end of the row. He was still laughing. That last line made him burst out again. She smirked then chucked, lifting her hand to her mouth. He did have a point. It was kind of funny. Still, the whole thing sort of gave her a headache. The words, take over the Earth, thumped in her head like a bad memory.
“Thrusters on full!” the woman ordered. “Gunner, do you have cosmic torpedoes ready to fire at that thing?”
A burly man with a Russian accent replied, “Ve only have von, major.”
The nearly undressed woman replied, pressing her hands down on the hand rests of her comfy-looking captain’s chair and leaning forward so the audience could see more cleavage. “Well, make sure that one counts.”
Mark and Jonathan cheered, and that made Jeff laugh harder.
“Shhhhh! You moron! Shut up!” a man from the row ahead hissed, turning around. All three boys whispered ‘sorry,’ but continued to watch the film in their own way — just quieter.
“Fire!” the woman on the screen ordered.
They watched the crew brace in the crumbling set and the missile fly through the space, over the well-made graphic view of Earth to the giant sweet potato-like lump that had elongated windows and pipes and guns hanging out of it. The metal creation exploded on the screen, showering the recovering post-apocalyptic Earth below. Everyone in the film cheered, including the audience watching. Zormna sat shaking her head.

“You didn’t like it?” Brian exclaimed. “That was a great film!”
They walked out of the theater into the mall, squinting as their eyes adjusted to the afternoon sun. Mark and Jonathan were laughing and quoting parts. They only stopped when they heard that Zormna didn’t like the film at all.
“It was stupid. You have a bunch of unlikely people running around a spaceship fighting an improbable creature, which just had to be evil, and they beat them in impossible odds,” Zormna said.
“But that’s what makes it so great. Unbeatable odds! Terrible monsters! Good versus evil! A battle to the death!” Brian said, excitedly. “What’s there not to like?”
Zormna rolled her eyes. “It was unrealistic.”
“It was gross,” Adam added.
Mark and Jonathan turned to look at him.
“It was cool!” Jonathan exclaimed. Turning to Mark, he said. “Did you see that hole? It was this big!” He demonstrated for them all to see.
Adam turned away and covered his mouth, making a nauseated face.
“I thought it was cool,” said Sam. “The effects were great.”
Zormna rolled her eyes. “The effects were overdone. It was entirely unrealistic. That gun that woman had was too big for anyone to carry, and there was no kickback.”
Brian shook his head. “But what about the action? I mean you have got to have at least appreciated the action.”
She didn’t. It was all over her wan face.
“What is the point of action if you spend your time watching people die? What’s so entertaining about that?” she said.
“It was cool,” Brian insisted. “We kicked butt.”
“I find nothing amusing about seeing people die. Nothing at all,” Zormna said again.
Sam shook his head. “They were monsters, aliens trying to take over the world. They deserved it.”
Zormna scowled very darkly. “That is the worst part of the movie of all. What a ridiculous plot hole. It is so cliché. I wish I left when it started.”
Brian stared at her as he said, “You’re kidding.”
Not kidding about this, she replied, “Think about it. Humans are more destructive than any other animal on this planet. We destroy just by living here, and yet we have to make up something more destructive just to feel good about ourselves and allow ourselves to entertain our destructive habits. I find it all sick.”
Adam nodded. “I agree.”
Zormna smiled at him, lifted her chin.
“Jeff? What do you think? You’ve been quiet.” Brian looked at Jeff who was walking silently behind the rest listening to the argument with a smirk.
Jeff shrugged. “Though I morally agree with Zormna, I personally found the film to be very funny.”
Mark and Jonathan rolled their eyes. Brian’s face dropped. Zormna smirked, turned her head and started to chuckle.
Mumbling, Brian said, “Next time we go out, we’re seeing a chick flick.”
Brian stuffed his hands in his pockets with a sigh of disgust, marching on.
“Chick flick?” Zormna asked, glancing at him, though she quickened her pace to keep up.
“Girl movie,” Jeff said from the back.
Glancing at him incredulously, she asked, “What do you mean? I didn’t know movies were segregated.”
“Romance stuff, Zormna,” Jeff explained again.
She grimaced.
“You don’t like romances either?” Sam asked with a laugh, nudging her in the side.
Shaking her head, Zormna replied, “Oh please, and be like those simpering types that cannot live without a man? I would rather re-watch that last film.”
Sam glanced back at Jeff, and he shrugged his shoulders.
“So what do you like? War movies? Action, adventure, drama?” the boy persisted.
Tired of the subject, she replied, “I don’t know. I never really watched films before.”
Zormna averted her eyes from the group after she said that, trying to hide her embarrassed blush at her lack of experience. Only a few noticed it. The others decided it was dead subject anyway and ignored it.
“Where to now, fearless leader?” Mark asked the slightly put-out Brian.
Brian looked up then stopped. Glancing back at the rest, he thought a second. “Anyone for a burger?”
Echoes of ‘yes’ and nods came back. Immediately they all turned their course to the mall food court.

If you are interested in reading the novel, you can find "The Mars Project" avalable at lulu.com

Publication Date: 02-25-2010

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