Acceptance: Magic Of Mutuality - Santosh Jha (best e books to read TXT) 📗

Acceptance: Magic Of Mutuality

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By Santosh Jha

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Copyright 2014 Santosh Jha

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License Notes

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ACCEPTANCE… THIS WORD IS SO MAGICAL… has a world of wellness and fruition embedded in it.

Sadly, however, acceptance may not truly seem a contemporary intellectualism! Contemporary intellectualism is rather the brutal killer of innocence and sincerity of acceptance…

Worst, this word is definitely always the first casualty in relationships – especially between couples. Relationships are our prime elemental need… we are and shall ever remain a social species, evolved since millions of years to survive and thrive in mutuality.

Moreover, couple intimacy and its lasting magical bonding is the core need of the evolution of human species and its ever-increasing wellness.

There is no denial; we all live in a societal milieu running high on trust-deficit… believing in something, which stands as ‘external’ to us, somehow gets accepted as a potential to jeopardize our ‘wellness quotient’. Naturally, acceptance is something we all reserve only for our very ‘close and near ones’. Therefore, acceptance is often functionally correlated to the extent of intimacy we have with a person and idea. It is cyclic – erosion in intimacy diminishes level of acceptance and vice versa…

The idea of acceptance is a multidimensional notion. However, the primary notion associated with the idea of acceptance is ‘reception’. The term reception is the primary culprit in relationship troubles and pains. Somehow, it is like a healthy heart getting sick when it stops the reception of its vital life source. It is blockage of arteries. In relationships too, the reception is blocked first and this chokes the supply of vital life-source of acceptance. Naturally, relationships become sick and ultimately die, if there are no timely corrective interventions.

Let us just try out a small idea about acceptance and reception. There is nothing very untoward in accepting an innocuous idea on experimental basis…. try this:

There is a small idea that most scientists believe in and many philosophers have also started to come around to this notion. This idea is that there is a ‘hypothesis’, which is the foundation of all ‘theories’ (standpoint/choice/priority) we accept as true and right. We all usually pick up some personal ‘hypotheses’, accept them to be true and then go on to construct a ‘theory’ on the foundation of this hypothesis.

We all differ in our views and ideas with different people because; we all accept different and often contradictory and competing ‘hypotheses’. This leads us to have difference of what we accept as true and right. As the hypotheses are different, theories are likely to be competing and conflicting between two in a relationship, especially between couple of intimacy.

For example, a man accepting the hypothesis of ‘life after death’ shall have different sets of theoretical ideas based on this hypothesis, like; ghosts, miracles, divinity, etc. Another man who accepts a hypothesis, which is diametrically opposite to the former hypothesis, shall have almost contradictory and competing set of beliefs and ideas about life and living choices.

It also has to be accepted that we all live in such times, where our minds accept multiplicity of multidimensional hypotheses and we all very well stick to it. Scientific studies have shown us that as and when we ‘consciously’ accept a choice, a set of associated and subsidiary choices get ingrained in our ‘unconscious and sub-conscious’ minds. We don’t even register it in our conscious choices. The difference of opinion is therefore endemic and natural to our biological and physical mechanisms and milieus….

Interestingly, it is now established after much researches that often, when two people have difference of opinion, both usually stick to arguments and logic individual righteousness of the ‘theoretical ideas’ they hold dear and true. This is because, the theory is a conscious choice whereas ‘hypothesis’ on which they base their theoretical ideas are there in the subconscious mind.

… it is very usual that between a couple in troubled relationship, both or either of them shall be in unsettled frame of mind consciousness, which makes him or her stand away from acceptance of this realism of his or her subconscious mind.

What is important, from the point of view of building up better reception between the two conflicting persons in a relationship is the acceptance that at times; both competing ideas may differ only in shades and substance and not in form as their respective hypotheses, on which the competing theories (standpoint) are based, may not actually be diametrically opposed but just a shade different.

People usually do not have reception of this acceptance that as the not so competing and conflicting hypotheses of theirs are in the domain of subconscious mind, they fail to accept them and rather stick to the surface-level differences and conflicts, which their conscious minds make them to. Once acceptance and intimacy enter the cyclicality of distrust, the matter gets complicated.

Therefore, the simple and even stupid prescription for enhancing the possibility of acceptance between two people in a relationship is that if the two persons could sit together in a milieu where there is no trust-deficit; rather, there is lots of wellness and affection, it would easily look to both that there were many aspects of commonality and likeness in their respective hypotheses. The milieu of trust does the magic. It lands them on the same page and reveal to them many likeness even in competing and contradictory looking theoretical ideas.

What we are suggested by modern scientists and philosophers is to do only one thing – understand and accept each of the hypothesis we admit consciously as our life and living choices. This can be done by a difficult process of ‘learning and unlearning’ going on simultaneously and at times in good competition. Unlearning is as important as learning. We all need to check and re-check all our existing hypotheses in the light of ever-evolving modern human wisdom…

It is a humble acceptance that we all indulge in the ‘intuitive joy’ of justifying our dear hypotheses as right and true and as a result, we stick to those theories that emanate from these hypotheses. This is root hypothesis of the hypocrisy and there has to be an acceptance that it is our mechanism. Once we have acceptance of that, with innocence and honesty, we can consciously work towards reception of the same mechanism in others in our relationship.

In every day parlance, behavior and action, we all put in our theories on life and living situationalisms, basing them on our personal ‘hypotheses’. We seldom stop to check and re-check these hypotheses in the light of ‘collective wisdom’. Here the worst disease of humanity – the hypocrisy creeps in and shades our consciousness.

There has to be a simple acceptance – It does not take someone to be wrong for other to be right and the vice-versa. The moment we are in humble and innocent reception of the acceptance that the hypotheses, which make me right, need to be extended in same sincerity to other person in my relationship. If the similar hypotheses make to stand other feel right about his or her choices and priorities, it is very natural that we both may be right in our own rights and nobody may eventually be wrong too!

This acceptance of how hypocrisy is part of our mind mechanism, does magic for us in a relationship. The acceptance of this hypothesis of hypocrisy makes us come down to the golden theatre of commonality, where mutuality is bound to be staged successfully.

Experts say, “the reason for this overdoes of hypocrisy is so simple that any rational mind can see it. We use two entirely different thought procedures, one to solve our mechanical problems and the other our cultural problems. Relationship troubles are cultural problems. This is the root of his cultural-behavioral troubles. Modern mechanical success is owing to adherence to ‘singularity’ of objective, proven and measurable procedures whereas the cultural failure owes it to ‘plurality’ and multiplicity of conflicting subjective procedures based on opinion, conjecture, imagination, hearsay, dogma, ideology, fantasy and fiction (together creating number of subjective and competing hypotheses) having no singular measurable and proven basis…”

It has to be accepted that all those age-old hypotheses are deeply ingrained in our minds as they are very much part of our cultural ‘necessities’. It is not easy to accept new ones. It takes lots and lots of time and deeply painful internal churning to accept a new hypothesis and replace the old hypothesis with this one.

It is only natural that different people feel differently … we all have to be patient and tolerant about differences … it is a very patient enterprise, needing tonnes of tolerance and compassion in heart…

It must be said – kindly, be open, patient and tolerant about new hypothesis and those hypothesis which stand competing and contradictory to what you hold as true and right. Also, be generous and compassionate about testing your existing hypotheses with that of the person with whom you are in conflict. Do kindly be in magnanimous acceptance of the hypothesis of hypocrisy in intimacy relationships.

The plurality of the multidimensionality of hypotheses may lead us to stand apart and be in contradiction and competition with each other, unleashing such human emotions as one-upmanship, jealousy, pride etc. This is some energy ‘no one can control’ and a rational mind ‘never wishes to’. Still, there always stands an appeal to one ‘singularity’ of hypothesis – that is, accepting that all hypotheses can be magnanimously and compassionately accepted with open arms can land all of us on ‘same page’…

They say, innocence is the real intellect and tolerance is the best virtue… ‘warriors’ are known not only for ‘conquests’ but also for ‘generosity and magnanimity’ of hearts… they do…

If two persons have the primary acceptance of the criticality of the reception of mutual affection and compassion; if both understand and accept that love and compassion is their core-need and they are ‘one’ in it, then there is bound to be larger mutuality. They shall understand and accept that the cultural differences of choices/tastes/preferences, which engender personalized and subjective hypotheses of hypocrisies in relationships, are peripheral and can be ‘unified’ in long run, if both sit down in calm receptive mode and talk with innocence and compassion.

… reception needs to blossom and acceptance must never be shown the door in a relationship, especially between couples… they say, let everything be lost in a relationship… however, always keep the innocence of honesty because, if that remains, two people shall always remain attached by an intangible thread of mutuality… this shall leave doors open for future commonalities…

The unity and agreement of core love, shall in time grow and if for this somehow ‘period of transition’, the two people in love continue to build on the intimacy, this core of love shall expand to engulf and usurp the entire peripheral territory of cultural differences and disagreements.

Hypocrisy no doubt is the greatest malaise of humanity. Hypocrisy is the mother of most ills of our society. It is hypocrisy, which breeds crisis of faith among men and women. It is this huge gap between what we say and what we actually do, which creates the first seed of mistrust. The seed of mistrust bears the fruit of anger, rivalry, jealousy and a spectrum of negative feelings. It is a vicious cycle; anger and rivalry in turn feed the mistrust and growing mistrust forces people to become greater and smarter hypocrites.

… this big malaise of humanity… this killer of relationships must be understood and its mechanism accepted… once we accept that hypocrisy is cyclic and it pervades the milieu of wellness and sincerity of a relationship like