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50 Things to Do to Get Yourself Out of a Social Anxiety Rut

 

 

 

How to Break Free From a Pattern of Socially Anxious Behavior

 

 

 

 

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) affects up to 13% of the population. People with SAD suffer in all areas of their lives; they have trouble making friends and maintaining friendships, finding life partners, finding work and building a career, and even getting through the mundane aspects of daily life.

Although SAD can be seriously debilitating, and the best treatment approach involves combining cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)and/or medication (such as SSRIs), there is much that can be done through self-help to overcome social anxiety.

Self-help strategies often draw on the effective components of other more traditional treatment approaches. For example, self-help might incorporate aspects of relaxation, thought reprogramming, and exposure to feared situations.

If you suffer from mild to moderate social anxiety, you might just feel like you are in a rut most of the time. What is the best way to get out of a rut? Do something.

Here are 50 ideas of things to do to get yourself out of a social anxiety rut.

 

 

 

1. Start an Exercise Program

 

If you do not already exercise regularily, start planning a program for yourself today. Exercise not only increases feelings of well-being and reduces anxiety, but if done in the company of others it offers the chance to build up your social skills in a relatively non-threatening environment.

If you don't have the resources or the time to join a gym or participate in regular exercise classes, there is still lots that you can do. Consider taking up walking or running or practice yoga at home.

 

 

 

2. Set Some Goals

 

 

Part of goal setting involves deciding where you want to end up, but it also involves learning and setting a benchmark of where you are now. One way to do this is by taking some self-assessment quizzes to see how you score in terms of social anxiety (the Liebowitz scale is a good one to try).

Then down the road, after you have started to get yourself out of the rut, you can take the quiz again and see if your scores have improved. Remember not to compare yourself to others in terms of social success; compare yourself to how you were doing one week, one month, or one year ago.

 

 

3. Start Saying "Yes"

 

 

Perhaps you have gotten into a rut of saying "No" to everything. Instead, why not start saying "Yes?" If you are invited to do something social, try to make a habit out of accepting the invitation.

Although you might feel anxious at first, over time the more you do, the less fearful you will become. The next time an invitation crosses your desk or someone at work asks you to join the group for a coffee break, make an effort to go.

 

 

 

4. Start Saying "No"

 

 

Are you a pushover? Do others make unrealistic demands on your time or treat you poorly, but you feel powerless to stand up for yourself? This is a time to learn how better to say "No" and how to be more assertive.

How to Be Assertive

You don't have to go along with everything that everyone wants, and if you don't clearly communicate what you want and need, others are left guessing what you are thinking or how you feel.

 

 

 

5. Join a Support Group

 

 

Whether you join a brick-and-mortar support group or an online group, you will find the company of others who understand what you are going through comforting.

Where to Find a Support Group

Make the most of your time with the group; be encouraging and look for ways to help others. Your acts of kindness will be paid back to you.

 

 

 

6. Say "I am Nervous"

 

 

Everyone who speaks in public gets a little nervous. One of the best antidotes for anxiety about public speaking is to simply acknowledge how you are feeling before you begin.

In many settings it is completely acceptable to start off your speech with a laugh and a comment such as "Forgive me if I stumble over my words, you see I just get a little nervous speaking in public." Immediately you are helping yourself out of the rut of slipping into a panic attack while speaking. Others will also be more forgiving than you might think.

How to Conquer Speech Anxiety How to Give a Wedding Speech

 

 

 

7. Buy Yourself a New Outfit

 

 

 

Retail therapy is obviously no cure for social anxiety, but sometimes clothing really can make you feel like a new person with a new attitude. Try to get yourself out of a rut by purchasing something outside your comfort zone. Choose a unique accent piece both to try something new and to give others a conversation starter when they first meet you.

 

 

 

 

8. Cherish Being Alone

 

Some people with SAD are also natural introverts; this means that they recharge their emotional batteries by spending time alone instead of in the company of others.

You don't have to become a social butterfly  to overcome social anxiety; be comfortable being who you are. If that involves choosing to time alone to gather your thoughts (rather than because of fear), there is nothing wrong with making that choice.

 

 

 

9. Ask Someone on a Date

 

 

Is there someone you find attractive but that you have been too afraid to ask on a date? Get out of that rut and make the first move! What is the worst that can happen?

Psychologist and founder of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) Albert Ellischallenged his shyness by talking to over 100 strangers on a park bench in one month. His conclusion at the end of the month was that he had over 100 pleasant conversations and no really bad experiences.

How to Ask Someone on a Date

 

 

10. Go Somewhere New

 

 

Do you follow the same routine every week? Visit the same grocery store, same gas station, eat at the same restaurant, or walk the same block?

Try breaking out of your routine by going somewhere new. Not only will your challenge your social anxiety about new surroundings, but you might discover you have been missing out on some great aspect of your neighborhood.

 

 

11. Join Toastmasters

 

 

If you have a significant fear of public speaking, make a point of joining Toastmasters International... today! This group has helped people around the globe improve public speaking skills and overcome speech anxiety. Best of all, the group provides feedback for each other, so it is a great chance to meet people and make new friends.

Toastmasters International

 

 

12. Stop Trying to Be Perfect

 

 

Perfectionism and social anxiety often go hand in hand. Everything that you say and everything you do doesn't have to be perfect. Make a point of being imperfect and taking chances for a day.

 

 

 

13. Take a Vacation

 

As simple as it sounds, sometimes we all just need a change of scenery. If you are really stuck in a socially anxious mindset, try taking off for a weekend to a new locale, even if it is a solo trip. Soak up some of the local cultures, and immerse yourself in a different pace.

At the same time, try on a different way of looking at yourself. You are more than your social anxiety, and it doesn't define who you are.

 

 

14. Read a Book

 

 

 

We are not talking about romance novels here. Choose either a motivational story or a self-help book and set about a course of change based on what you read.

If you really want to break out of your rut while making your way through the book, join an online SAD support forum and post about what you are doing to make changes in your life, according to the book. You may find others join in your quest.

List of Self-help Books

 

 

15. Do Something Exciting

 

 

Try something totally off-the-wall like a hot air balloon ride or a zip-line adventure. Lose yourself in an exciting adventure and forget about your social anxiety. Best of all, the next time someone asks you what you do for fun, you will have a great story to tell.

 

 

16. Replace Negativity with Positivity

 

 

 

Being positive is contagious. If you have a habit of seeing the world through a negative lens (which most people with SAD tend to do), try becoming an optimist, if only for a day at first.

Replace any negative thoughts with more positive alternatives. See if that doesn't help you start to climb out of your rut.

8 Tips for Changing Negative Thinking

 

 

17. Surround Yourself with Positive People

 

If at all possible, try to spend more time with positive people; people who love you, believe in you, and see the beauty in who you are despite your social anxiety.

Spending time with these people will make you feel good and help you to weather any rough times as you try to make changes in 

 

18. Be Accountable to Someone

 

 

You may stay in your rut forever if nobody knows you are trying to move past your social anxiety and you are not accountable to anyone. Choose someone you trust, it could even be an online friend, and tell them about your plans to make changes in your life.

This works very much like having an exercise partner; the other person keeps you honest and keeps you from giving up when the road seems to hard and long.

 

 

19. Sign Up for a Cause

 

Join a cause that you believe in and that will get you out into the community and meet new people. Help animals find adoptive homes, walk for charity or fight third world hunger. Find a purpose beyond yourself and your space in the world, and some of the mundane problems of the day might seem just that.

 

 

20. Start Staying "Hi" to the Neighbour

 

Do you scurry for your door every time the neighbor appears? Next time try to make a concerted effort to say hello, wave and be friendly. Although this might feel out of character and anxiety-provoking at first, over time this new habit will become second nature.

If you are feeling really bold, try a behavioral experiment: Invite your neighbor over for coffee at a time when she is clearly busy. Seek out rejection and learn that it is not so bad! At some point down the road, you might even find you have made a friend out of a neighbor.

How to Talk to Neighbors

 

21. Strike up a Conversation

 

 

Do you shy away from talking to strangers? Do you avoid eye contact at the grocery store? Do you look at your feet in the elevator? Today, instead of doing what you normally do in those situations, try doing the opposite. Engage the other person in a bit of small talk, just for the sake of getting the practice and learning not to be afraid.

10 Good Small Talk Topics 10 Bad Small Talk Topics

 

22. Give a Great Handshake

 

Are you known for limp noodle handshakes? Surprise everyone you meet with a firm solid handshake and great eye contact. This is an easy social skill to learn that can help you make the best first impression.

How to Shake Hands 10 Worst Types of Handshakes

 

23. Take a Class

 

Take a class in something that interests you: pottery, cooking, skiing, golf... anything that gets you out meeting people and learning a new skill will do the trick.

Joining a class will give you the opportunity to build confidence, expose yourself to social situations, and potentially make new friends.

 

 

24. Stop Complaining and Blaming

 

 

Perhaps you were dealt a bad hand in life. Maybe you had a controlling mother or a father who put you down. Although these life experiences may have contributed to your social anxiety, you don't need to let them continue to influence the course of your life. Start taking responsibility for your actions and behavior.

 

 

25. Hire a Life Coach

 

 

If traditional treatment isn't an option for you, for whatever reason, consider instead investing in some sessions with a life coach.

Coaches can help you identify your goals and obstacles to success; although they will not be able to specifically help you to overcome social anxiety, life coaches can help steer you down a more positive path of daily living.

 

 

 

26. Start Paying Attention

 

Chances are your thoughts and feelings have become so automatic you don't even realize what runs through your head on a daily basis. Slow down, take the time to focus on the present, and examine the thoughts that pass through your mind; especially the negative ones.

If you need to, keep a journal to really get a handle on your daily