Brain on Porn (Social #2) - DeYtH Banger (a book to read TXT) 📗

vulnerable with these people will be very rewarding and teach you to trust yourself.

 

The People You Trust

 

We understand that not everyone has an ideal family or social life. In many cases it can be very difficult for people to find someone who can be a firm part of their recovery. When looking at your friends and peers, make sure you choose someone who you can trust. An accountability partner should always be someone who understands what you are up against and wants to help you meet your goals. This group contains the lion-hearted friends that you know will always have your back. Stay true to them by being open with them and they will reward you with their undying support.

 

The People Who Need Your Help

 

As you begin to open up and share with those around you, it is likely you will discover others going through the same thing. This can be a great opportunity for the both of you. Forming a close-knit group of those who are on the journey to recovery is an amazing resource. It is not something that you should force, but if the opportunity arises, consider it a valuable opportunity. Seeking change together with a peer that is fully committed to recovery will strengthen you both immeasurably.

 

How To Start The Conversation

 

The first rule of talking about your addiction is honesty. There is no need for explicit details but there is a need for absolute truth.

Be earnest with whoever you approach in expressing your need for help and your desire to change. There is no specific formula of what to say but if you need some inspiration try something like this:

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second? I trust you a lot and that’s why I am talking to you now. I think I need your help with something that I’ve been struggling with. I want you to understand that I have tried to deal with it on my own for some time but feel that to truly overcome this I will need your help and possibly the help of others. I’ve been struggling with pornography, and after learning firsthand how addictive and enslaving it is, I’ve realized that I can’t overcome it on my own. So I enrolled in the Fortify program—a program developed for those struggling with an addiction to pornography—and it has helped me understand the importance of getting someone like you involved. I feel like I need to be accountable to somebody, and I’m hoping that you will be willing to be that person. Will you be my accountability partner? It would help if we got together at least once a week to talk about my challenges and progress as well as discuss ideas on how I can continue to improve. I may eventually invite others as well to strengthen my support and chances of recovery. This is a very personal issue and I trust that you will keep this between us until I am comfortable opening up to other people. Thank you for listening and understanding. That means a lot to me and I already feel more confident in my ability to beat this with your help.”

 

If you’re still stumped you can try breaking the ice with this Fortify Accountability Partner video: http://bit.ly/1glI7Du. This will not only help them understand your struggle but also briefly explain the nature of porn addiction. This video will help to coach accountability partners on some things they can help with. It isn’t the most directly personal approach but it can be an easy transition to starting some good conversations.

 

 

Remember, your addiction is a prison built on secrets, lies, shame, and isolation. Every time you open up to someone in honesty and love, you are breaking down one of those walls.

 

 

3 Ways To Help Heal A Porn-Sick Brain

 

 

 

We get this sentiment expressed to us all the time:

 

I just feel broken and I don’t know if there is any way to fix it.

This is a sad statement that most everyone can identify with, especially those who are struggling with an addiction. When dealing with pornography, it may seem to the addict that there is just no going back after the countless hours of putting that stuff into their brain. 

We know pornography affects our mental and emotional health. But while porn addiction does do damage to our brains, it is not permanent. Think of it just as any other part of the human body—with time, it always heals. Sometimes it just needs a little help. Think of a broken arm or leg. While it is a nasty injury, all we need is time, patience, and of course a good doctor to put us in a cast. 

Our understanding of how the brain works and the treatment of mental health is growing by day. In the past, things like addiction or depression have always been seen as personal weakness. The idea of, if you try harder you can just grit your teeth and get over it.

In today’s society, we know that’s just not how it works. Does that “white-knuckle” philosophy work with someone who just shattered their femur? Of course not. And we are learning that mental obstacles, like addiction, are just the same.

The fact is our brains can heal from the damage done by porn but they need a little help to get there. Just think of it like giving your body the time for bones to mend and scars to fade. Here are three tips to help this healing take place as smoothly as possible.

 

Grab Some Crutches

 

You can’t put all of your weight on a sprained ankle, so you need something to keep you standing. Think of the old song, we all need somebody to lean on. Find some people that you can rely on and accept their support. Friends, family or anyone that will help get to where you need to be will be instrumental in your recovery. Accountability partners play the exact same role as a faithful set of crutches. They are there for you when you fall and will always help you get back up. Use these support systems when you’re feeling hurt and you’ll be back up and running in no time.

 

Take Your Medicine

 

Porn may have spent a long time going to work on your mind, and it’s going to take some work to reverse the process. An addict’s lifestyle is often constructed to support their habit, even if they don’t consciously realize it. You need to drastically reformulate how you live your life so it supports your recovery, not your addiction. This is called self-care. It is basically having a concrete plan and a daily routine that keeps you on track. Keep to the schedule and you’ll be on the path to full health. Deviate from it and you’ll be back in a mental wheelchair in no time.

Try some of these helpful meds:

– Get good sleep and wake up at a respectable time.
– Read a motivational quote to start your day.
– Try to eat healthier. 
– Stay active. 
– Stay social.
– Identify and avoid triggers. 
– Lower social media usage and other unnecessary screen time. 

All these forms of healthy self-medicating promote positive growth in your life. Veteran Fortifiers often sit down and schedule every minute of their day until they begin to build truly positive habits.

 

Strengthen Your Immune System

 

In this digital age, we will never fully be able to get out of pornography’s reach, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to put up the biggest barrier possible. Work with the people closest to you to establish internet protection and lower access on all your devices. Remain accountable to them and stay honest. Admitting you have a problem is a big first step. Know your weaknesses and work on strengthening them. Know where your trouble areas are and avoid/eliminate them all together.

Put yourself in an environment where you have the space to heal and people who want to see back on your feet. The steps toward recovery aren’t always easy, but they are totally worth feeling 100%. 

 

 

 

4 Triggers That Are Slipping Under Your Radar

 

 

 

Fortifiers need to always be on the lookout because porn is everywhere. Like the alcoholic who won’t even eat rum cake, we need to know our weaknesses, no matter how small. Recognizing the enemy is a very important and ongoing part of recovery. Becoming aware of the reality of your addiction is the first step to constantly arming yourself against triggers. While our addictions and our weaknesses don’t define us, we can’t let them consume us either.

Take an inventory of your life and look at what needs to change. Some things might be obvious and can take place right away. Others you might have to do some soul searching for. Frequently revisit the question of how you can shape your life to support your recovery. Revisit Battle Strategies, your Battle Tracker and all of your responses from the Fortify Program to identify weak spots and strengthen them.

As for today, here is a quick and easy checklist to run through and see if you are doing everything you can to set yourself up for a porn-free life. Take an honest mental inventory and apply each category to your own personal life.

 

1. Social Media

 

Not all online porn comes straight from the big bad porn industry. Lots of people actively support and distribute pornographic content. Some sites are worse than others but there is some level of triggering content on almost any site with a search bar, and that includes social media. Limiting your time on these apps can be a really helpful. It is usually when we get bored or restless that the urges inevitably starting growing. Try setting daily limits or going on social media diets where you try to browse less time than you normally would. Not only is this going to reduce the chance of being exposed to something, but it will be great practice in building a healthy lifestyle.

 

2. Dating Apps

 

Kind of like social media but with a more personal purpose, dating apps are now a legitimate way of meeting people. They can be fun and helpful but they can also be very dangerous for triggers. Many of apps are marketed in very sexual ways and are used as nothing more than quick hook-ups or sexting. Also, remember that even the idea behind dating apps can be a trigger. If you’re not careful, you can find yourself using dating apps to reduce a person down to a couple of photos and a short bio, leaving nothing more than a little online blip to make superficial judgements about. Not exactly the best way for us to practice getting to know people and stop objectifying. Try to keep your relationships to the real world and learn how to appreciate people for who they are, not how they come across online.

 

3. Stuff That “Isn’t That Bad”

 

You know the stuff we’re talking about here: shows, movies or games that feature content that isn’t necessarily pornographic but is just the right amount of suggestive. We get that these things can be really entertaining, but you need to ask yourself, is it worth it? Don’t jeopardize your recovery for something as common as a trashy reality TV show or rated M video game. Basically, just be honest with yourself. Some people will have personal triggers that have nothing to do with explicit content. For example, here’s a recent message we got from a Fortifier:

I used to justify looking at porn by saying if it wasn’t real people it was ok, so I would search for drawn or animated stuff. This lead me to find things that featured characters from my favorite shows and games. Now, those games are huge triggers for me. It sucks but I have to stay away from them now.

-Ryan, 25

 

4. Those Pesky Urges

 

The biggest trigger you will need to learn to overcome is yourself. Porn is everywhere and there are always going to be triggers that cause urges that could cause you to relapse. While avoiding them is key, the best thing you can do is