Kerplunk - It's Over!! - A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (e book reader for pc txt) 📗
- Author: A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends
Book online «Kerplunk - It's Over!! - A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (e book reader for pc txt) 📗». Author A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends
followed him to a hotel and then caught him in the act with another woman, I realized none of it had been a figment of my imagination. Now I listen to my gut feeling." – Holly, 37
“Discovering his latest affair was the trigger. There had been numerous other affairs that I had been willing to forgive him for, but not this time.” ¬– Tina, 28
“It’s breakin’ my heart to watch you run around
‘cause I know that you’re living a lie, but that’s okay
baby ‘cause in time you will find
what goes around comes around.”
– Justin Timberlake
“I had a suspicion that he was cheating, but could not pin it on him. We had gone out on a Saturday night to a club. The girl I thought he was sneaking around with was at the club too. She saw us and got very aggravated and stormed out of the club. Hours later when we left to drive home, we made it to the exit ramp when one of the wheels came off the car! I was screaming at him that the bitch he was sleeping with had taken the bolts off the car! He didn’t defend himself. He didn’t say “No babe, that’s not true.” He just looked at me and shrugged. I stormed off and started walking home, down the highway, thinking he would come after me. He didn’t.” – Angie, 30
"I knew it was the end when I made a wonderful dinner, he picked up the food and dishes and threw them on the floor, breaking the plates and bowls. This was after he promised he would not be destructive or violent again. It was over."
– Elizabeth, 36
"Final straw - my mother-in-law sent money for us to go on a trip but he didn't tell me because he used it to take his girlfriend to St. Croix." – Emma, 40
“I caught him with another woman when my son only 7 months old. I was holding my baby in my arms when I walked in on them.” – Heidi, 32
"This is what he told me as I was sobbing on the floor: "Oh, yeah, I gave you the STD, didn't think it was active, guess I was wrong.'" – Joye, 45
"His weekend road-trip with the boys was with a girl, too. The boys drove down in a separate car, but my husband's companion rode with him. It turned out that she did not know he had a wife and they were together for over a year. I still wonder why none of his guy friends told me - I guess they were laughing behind my back." – Linda, 43
“I had an affair. I was unhappy with my life, with my job, with my marriage. He found out about it and confronted me. I admitted the infidelity. He wanted to try therapy and said he was willing to work through it. I knew I just didn’t love him and any fix would be short lived. I didn’t love the man I was having an affair with. But I knew I had to find a way to love myself and make myself happy and the marriage was not doing that for me.” – Isa, 46
“He brought home a steaming STD to me from the prostitute he hired while in Asia on business. Thanks, babe! Damn!” – Beth, 32
We can't make up this one!
"He was so abusive, and this was decades ago, so the police did not help. I had to take matters in my own hands. I killed him, cooked him and served him for dinner to his relatives as they asked me where he was." – Shannon, 68
Wow, we certainly don't endorse this type of retaliation for emotional and physical abuse; and as you can probably guess, this woman is now in jail. We don't think she has many visits from those relatives.
Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons...guilt, religious beliefs, the children, and fear of change, fear of not living up to their parents' expectations, the fear of failure or the fear of being alone. They stay for all the wrong reasons. You know it. We know it. When it's over, it is over. Draw your final straw and throw in the towel.
“If you really want something you will find a way,
if you don’t you will find an excuse.”
Chapter 3 Checklist: The Final Straw
___ Have you experienced any of the Top 5 Reasons for ending a marriage? Which ones? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___ Are you being or have you been emotionally or physically abused? So were a lot of our girlfriends. They are all doing really well and you will, too! Check here to signify that you are moving forward!
___ What was most memorable in this chapter?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___ We imagine you are feeling pretty exhausted after reading about the drama in this chapter. Time to shake off your funk and right your energy! Got for a walk! Put on some music and dance!
CHAPTER 4
Now What? – The Tactical Top 10
So you really think you want a divorce? We are sharing with you the real life experiences from girlfriends 24 – 76 years old who have also had to face this same decision. We are here to help you navigate your uncharted waters as you contemplate setting your destination towards divorce.
“In retrospect, I know I rushed into my divorce too soon. If I had known what to expect, how hard the transition would be for me and for my kids, I would have tried harder through counseling to save the marriage. After all, I am good, my kids are fine and both my Ex and I have moved on to happier lives; but I wish I had known then what I know now.” –Sally, 47
While you are still rinsing it around in your head, or if you are dead set on divorce, it's time for you to think tactically. It is time to get your ducks in a row. You certainly are not going to fare very well if you just march in, throw up your hands and scream at your husband “Enough! I’m done!” and then realize “Wait, where do I go from here?” This is the point where you prepare, tactically, and methodically for how you want this all to go down. You need to know what is in store for you on this journey. It is typically not quick and easy. You gain the control and then layout the plan to Sugar Honey on your time, on your terms. And if you change your mind and don't seek a divorce after all, the following is info that every woman should know regardless of your marital status.
We discovered that our girlfriends had a lot in common in planning for (or rather in the LACK of planning for) their divorces. Often they were left standing with a blank look on their face wondering what just happened to them. They felt like they had to start from scratch every day. They wished that they had known what to avoid, what to do and what would help them be successful. We are here to guide you through our Top 10 Tactical Steps and let our girlfriends enlighten you as to what worked for them and what didn’t!
1. Consult An Attorney
Sometimes our girlfriends had delusions of being able to tell their husbands "It's over. I'm out" and painlessly begin the next chapter of their lives. "I mean he KNOWS our marriage is on the rocks. He'll agree to it." Oh my gosh! We love that fantasy! It's a good one, but in reality, 99% of couples need legal guidance during a divorce. Ask your friends for a referral, set up an appointment, pay the minimum hourly consultation fee and go arm yourself with some information. It's worth the money and you'll be glad you did it.
“Hire an attorney immediately. Borrow money or do whatever you have to for this.” – Donna, 52
“Do exactly what the attorney tells you to do. They have seen it all. Do you think you know your husband better than anyone, you don’t know him at all.” – Gaye, 50
“Get good advice – work with professionals that can guide you and really listen to them.” – Jamie, 43
"My attorney was not fighting for me. He sat in our joint meeting and was allowing the other attorney to run the show. This blew me away so I took control and got a new attorney." – Christine, 37
“Have a trusted friend or family member go with you when you meet with the attorney. If you are frazzled, afraid, or nervous you probably are not going to be able to process all the information you seek to gain at this meeting. Ask someone else to go with you to be your extra ears and brain and take notes of everything you learn.” – Zoe, 38
“I saw an attorney about a year and a half before I filed the papers. I actually found him in the phone book. I ended up using him when I finally decided to file for divorce. He was a great attorney and I have referred him to several people since my divorce.” – Nancy, 62
"You never truly know your husband until you try to divorce him."
Before you go to the attorney begin documenting everything! Note the date, time and location of pertinent incidents. Keep a log of your daily plans and accomplishments. Document your spouses’ threats, abuse, behavior patterns, and comments. If there are any relevant emails, print them and keep them safe with your journal. If you keep a journal or log, keep this information separate from your personal diary. If you are sharing custody of the kids prior to determining a formal custody agreement be sure to keep a calendar showing the nights the kids are with you and the nights they are with him. Keep the content straightforward and factual, not emotional. A journal or diary can be admissible in court, and Lord! Isn’t that just every girl’s nightmare? Having her diary invaded! We hope it doesn’t come to that for you.
The average cost of divorce for our surveyed girlfriends was $5,000 - $10,000. When you are making your Action Plan, take into account your potential legal fees. Most attorneys will require your first hour (or two) be paid at the time of service. Their fees range from $200 - $350+/hour. Know what your goals are (see below The Action Plan). Don’t blubber to your attorney “I just don’t KNOW what I’m going to DO!” That is a question for your therapist or girlfriend. Know before you go and you will save yourself lots of dough!
2. Get a Secure Mailing Address
We suggest you take lunchtime field trip to your local post office, PakMail or Mail Boxes Etc. and get yourself a private post office box. This will cost approximately $20.00/month and it is so worth it! (Pricing based on MailBoxes Etc/UPS Store.) These facilities are well lit, safe and secure. They will give you a key to the front door, as well as a personal mailbox so you can access your mailbox 24/7. You also receive a physical mailing
“Discovering his latest affair was the trigger. There had been numerous other affairs that I had been willing to forgive him for, but not this time.” ¬– Tina, 28
“It’s breakin’ my heart to watch you run around
‘cause I know that you’re living a lie, but that’s okay
baby ‘cause in time you will find
what goes around comes around.”
– Justin Timberlake
“I had a suspicion that he was cheating, but could not pin it on him. We had gone out on a Saturday night to a club. The girl I thought he was sneaking around with was at the club too. She saw us and got very aggravated and stormed out of the club. Hours later when we left to drive home, we made it to the exit ramp when one of the wheels came off the car! I was screaming at him that the bitch he was sleeping with had taken the bolts off the car! He didn’t defend himself. He didn’t say “No babe, that’s not true.” He just looked at me and shrugged. I stormed off and started walking home, down the highway, thinking he would come after me. He didn’t.” – Angie, 30
"I knew it was the end when I made a wonderful dinner, he picked up the food and dishes and threw them on the floor, breaking the plates and bowls. This was after he promised he would not be destructive or violent again. It was over."
– Elizabeth, 36
"Final straw - my mother-in-law sent money for us to go on a trip but he didn't tell me because he used it to take his girlfriend to St. Croix." – Emma, 40
“I caught him with another woman when my son only 7 months old. I was holding my baby in my arms when I walked in on them.” – Heidi, 32
"This is what he told me as I was sobbing on the floor: "Oh, yeah, I gave you the STD, didn't think it was active, guess I was wrong.'" – Joye, 45
"His weekend road-trip with the boys was with a girl, too. The boys drove down in a separate car, but my husband's companion rode with him. It turned out that she did not know he had a wife and they were together for over a year. I still wonder why none of his guy friends told me - I guess they were laughing behind my back." – Linda, 43
“I had an affair. I was unhappy with my life, with my job, with my marriage. He found out about it and confronted me. I admitted the infidelity. He wanted to try therapy and said he was willing to work through it. I knew I just didn’t love him and any fix would be short lived. I didn’t love the man I was having an affair with. But I knew I had to find a way to love myself and make myself happy and the marriage was not doing that for me.” – Isa, 46
“He brought home a steaming STD to me from the prostitute he hired while in Asia on business. Thanks, babe! Damn!” – Beth, 32
We can't make up this one!
"He was so abusive, and this was decades ago, so the police did not help. I had to take matters in my own hands. I killed him, cooked him and served him for dinner to his relatives as they asked me where he was." – Shannon, 68
Wow, we certainly don't endorse this type of retaliation for emotional and physical abuse; and as you can probably guess, this woman is now in jail. We don't think she has many visits from those relatives.
Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons...guilt, religious beliefs, the children, and fear of change, fear of not living up to their parents' expectations, the fear of failure or the fear of being alone. They stay for all the wrong reasons. You know it. We know it. When it's over, it is over. Draw your final straw and throw in the towel.
“If you really want something you will find a way,
if you don’t you will find an excuse.”
Chapter 3 Checklist: The Final Straw
___ Have you experienced any of the Top 5 Reasons for ending a marriage? Which ones? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___ Are you being or have you been emotionally or physically abused? So were a lot of our girlfriends. They are all doing really well and you will, too! Check here to signify that you are moving forward!
___ What was most memorable in this chapter?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___ We imagine you are feeling pretty exhausted after reading about the drama in this chapter. Time to shake off your funk and right your energy! Got for a walk! Put on some music and dance!
CHAPTER 4
Now What? – The Tactical Top 10
So you really think you want a divorce? We are sharing with you the real life experiences from girlfriends 24 – 76 years old who have also had to face this same decision. We are here to help you navigate your uncharted waters as you contemplate setting your destination towards divorce.
“In retrospect, I know I rushed into my divorce too soon. If I had known what to expect, how hard the transition would be for me and for my kids, I would have tried harder through counseling to save the marriage. After all, I am good, my kids are fine and both my Ex and I have moved on to happier lives; but I wish I had known then what I know now.” –Sally, 47
While you are still rinsing it around in your head, or if you are dead set on divorce, it's time for you to think tactically. It is time to get your ducks in a row. You certainly are not going to fare very well if you just march in, throw up your hands and scream at your husband “Enough! I’m done!” and then realize “Wait, where do I go from here?” This is the point where you prepare, tactically, and methodically for how you want this all to go down. You need to know what is in store for you on this journey. It is typically not quick and easy. You gain the control and then layout the plan to Sugar Honey on your time, on your terms. And if you change your mind and don't seek a divorce after all, the following is info that every woman should know regardless of your marital status.
We discovered that our girlfriends had a lot in common in planning for (or rather in the LACK of planning for) their divorces. Often they were left standing with a blank look on their face wondering what just happened to them. They felt like they had to start from scratch every day. They wished that they had known what to avoid, what to do and what would help them be successful. We are here to guide you through our Top 10 Tactical Steps and let our girlfriends enlighten you as to what worked for them and what didn’t!
1. Consult An Attorney
Sometimes our girlfriends had delusions of being able to tell their husbands "It's over. I'm out" and painlessly begin the next chapter of their lives. "I mean he KNOWS our marriage is on the rocks. He'll agree to it." Oh my gosh! We love that fantasy! It's a good one, but in reality, 99% of couples need legal guidance during a divorce. Ask your friends for a referral, set up an appointment, pay the minimum hourly consultation fee and go arm yourself with some information. It's worth the money and you'll be glad you did it.
“Hire an attorney immediately. Borrow money or do whatever you have to for this.” – Donna, 52
“Do exactly what the attorney tells you to do. They have seen it all. Do you think you know your husband better than anyone, you don’t know him at all.” – Gaye, 50
“Get good advice – work with professionals that can guide you and really listen to them.” – Jamie, 43
"My attorney was not fighting for me. He sat in our joint meeting and was allowing the other attorney to run the show. This blew me away so I took control and got a new attorney." – Christine, 37
“Have a trusted friend or family member go with you when you meet with the attorney. If you are frazzled, afraid, or nervous you probably are not going to be able to process all the information you seek to gain at this meeting. Ask someone else to go with you to be your extra ears and brain and take notes of everything you learn.” – Zoe, 38
“I saw an attorney about a year and a half before I filed the papers. I actually found him in the phone book. I ended up using him when I finally decided to file for divorce. He was a great attorney and I have referred him to several people since my divorce.” – Nancy, 62
"You never truly know your husband until you try to divorce him."
Before you go to the attorney begin documenting everything! Note the date, time and location of pertinent incidents. Keep a log of your daily plans and accomplishments. Document your spouses’ threats, abuse, behavior patterns, and comments. If there are any relevant emails, print them and keep them safe with your journal. If you keep a journal or log, keep this information separate from your personal diary. If you are sharing custody of the kids prior to determining a formal custody agreement be sure to keep a calendar showing the nights the kids are with you and the nights they are with him. Keep the content straightforward and factual, not emotional. A journal or diary can be admissible in court, and Lord! Isn’t that just every girl’s nightmare? Having her diary invaded! We hope it doesn’t come to that for you.
The average cost of divorce for our surveyed girlfriends was $5,000 - $10,000. When you are making your Action Plan, take into account your potential legal fees. Most attorneys will require your first hour (or two) be paid at the time of service. Their fees range from $200 - $350+/hour. Know what your goals are (see below The Action Plan). Don’t blubber to your attorney “I just don’t KNOW what I’m going to DO!” That is a question for your therapist or girlfriend. Know before you go and you will save yourself lots of dough!
2. Get a Secure Mailing Address
We suggest you take lunchtime field trip to your local post office, PakMail or Mail Boxes Etc. and get yourself a private post office box. This will cost approximately $20.00/month and it is so worth it! (Pricing based on MailBoxes Etc/UPS Store.) These facilities are well lit, safe and secure. They will give you a key to the front door, as well as a personal mailbox so you can access your mailbox 24/7. You also receive a physical mailing
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