Needle and Thread - Cassidy Shay (ebook reader macos TXT) 📗

As the needle slides in and pulls the thread through, I smile. Not because I gave in again, but because now, I can forget.
As the needle once again slides into my hand, I wince at rare drop of blood. I usually don’t dig deep enough for that. I don’t want my skin to be ruined by scars, so I go just deep enough, but not too deep.
Deep enough to make me forget about the past few months, but not so deep that it draws out the crimson liquid that rushes through my veins.
With my mom in the hospital, and my dad always working, and trying to raise my baby brother, the stress gets to be too much for a small eleven-year-old. I can feel it in my palms- a small, tingly feeling, like ants crawling under my skin.
I’ve always been disgusted when I hear about people cutting, or see the proof myself. I never understood why you’d want to be labeled as an “emo,” or leave scars behind, scars that could never be erased. I guess some of these feelings were still there when I started, because no matter what, I still refused to leave scars.
I tell myself that I’m not like those other people. That because there’s nothing left behind, I’m still better than they are, and I’m still a stronger person. But deep down, I know that I’m just as weak as they are.
As the cool metal slides through a final time, I look at the embroidered letter on my hand. A dark red H, his last initial, stands out against the pale skin on my palm, absorbing the tingling feeling. Why I chose his initial, I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. The tingling is gone now, and for the moment, so it the stress.
I’ll wait a while before removing the thread, and then I’ll wait until the skin heals again. Maybe by that time, it might take two letters to relieve the stress that builds and multiplies each day. Maybe even three.
I tie the knot, rub my fingertips along it, and then fold my hand up. I hide my needle and thread and leave the room. With Lawson jumping around, Dad working on his lap top, and Chelsea yelling at Lawson, I know it won’t be long before the tingling is once again too strong to bear. That it won’t be long before the needle once again pierces my skin, before the thread slides through.

Text: Cassidy Shay
Publication Date: 05-08-2011

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