My dream - Gwenda Hamilton (each kindness read aloud .TXT) 📗

I looked like if someone had sucked out all the life out of me. My cheeks were sunk in, my skin was very pail and I had the look of death on my face. I must have been relieved to be where I was. This last night were about to shape my next days. It was very much the turning point of my life. To be fair on myself I wasn't aware of a lot that was happening. Hallucinations were happening a lot. There was no regular sleep, a lot of vomiting and starvation diets, everything was random with the occasional moments of clarity. Knowing something was terribly wrong. I remember late one night thinking to
myself that i had to do something about my problem which became an obsession.I remeber my dream.There’s a beautiful island in front of me. I am sitting on
the beach, and I can’t remember what happened to me.
I am a little hungry, and I should find some food. Though there is a beautiful island, I don’t think I can eat something there. At the moment, a big animal
which I have never seen before moves towards me. It looks like a wolf, but I am sure its not a wolf. It moves so slowly. I think it must have never seen
human before. I turn back and run away as quickly as I can. It doesn’t chase me.Maybe it isn’t sure if I can be eaten. Then I run in a cave. It’s dark and wet.
Through the opening on the side of the wall, I can see outside clearly. What a beautiful island it is! The sky is blue, the sea is green and the island is
green. When I marvel at the perfect island, another big animal runs to me. The animal cries loudly outside. I am so scared when I hear that! After a few
minutes, a bigger animal comes there. They begin to fight each other. At last, the bigger one wins. I can’t believe that it eats the meat of the small
one. Maybe it is full, or maybe it is tired. It walks away. Then I relax.I can’t find anything can be eaten in the cave except water. It’s getting dark.
I know it is dangerous to go out. It’s a heavy rain outside. I am so safe in the cave. Then I walk through a forest that has many low trees and shrubs . There’re a lot of different kinds of fruits, but the color on it makes me guard. I am just about sure they are venomousness. I walk carefully. I must care about everything animals, plants,insects or any other things I don’t know. At the end of the forest I see a
few banana trees. I am so hungry that I don’t mind if the banana is delicious.Suddenly, a strident noise comes out. It’s my alarm, and it’s time to get up
now, but that frightful dream still makes my heartbeat fast. There’s no perfect island in the world, and after the dream, I don’t want to go to any island.I was tired, after waking up. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and it wasn't going to go away. The moments of clarity were more frightening than any hallucinations. I was drugged, weak and depressed. Much later I remeber when my mother told me how I made her laugh when they asked if I wanted anything. I replied"Yes, food and lots of it!"
As I walked through the door I felt this incredible pain in my spine which arched my back and made it hard for me to call out. Fortunately the pain only
lasted a few seconds. My new world was a lot of mixed emotions. I was in a room which seemed to me,
more like prison cell. The door had a tiny window that looked into another door.So good to have a regular routine in my world again. Hot showers, plenty of food to eat . I guess I was making up for lost time. I need to talk about my problem, about my depression . I don’t know what caused me to become depressed all the time. As far as I knew I had everything I ever wanted, I was happy. I guess I was wrong, there was something missing in my life...
I remember painting ... It didn’t actually change my life and it gave me a way to rebuild my life. It made me realize what was truly important. I remember one afternoon a little boy was playing with blocks in the room across the hall. He just all of a sudden stopped and started laughing saying I remember,
I remember, I'm so happy. Something about the blocks must have sparked a memory of a special moment. We use to sit out in the hall and he’d tell me about my
olden days . That little boy is me. I begun to inhale an entire cigarette ..I went out for walks and admired all the nature and world around me. Funny to
see that life still went on. The seriousness of what had happened to me finally sunk in. I remember walking down my childhood streets . It brought back great memories. I than felt shame for what had happened but i felt a strong need to continue.
I tried to start working again but at that point i wasn’t sure i was ready. I need to be me again.

Publication Date: 02-05-2010

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