A Sign from the Star - Lisa Kuhbander (pride and prejudice read .txt) 📗

corner of the room, she spotted a chair.  Suddenly the seat cushion moved. A lizard popped its creepy head out from under the cushion.  Its bulging eyes were very animated. They moved side to side, exploring the room.

 

Angelica gasped.  She let out a loud, blood-curdling scream.  The lizard then jumped out from the cushion and headed right toward her.  She noticed its web-like feet, its long slimy tail, its long tongue that snapped out like a snake. Terrified, she rushed for the door.

 

Once safely outside the apartment, she stood there, her back to the door, catching her breath, heart racing.   Her screams alerted the whole unit. Neighbors, some concerned, some just nosy, emerged from their apartments into the hallway.  One of them, a huge muscular man in a black jacket, sunglasses and a heavy mustache, approached her. 

 

 “Hey sweetie, what’s wrong?” 

 

He stepped closer.  His voice was deep. His breath smelled of liquor.  She stepped back. 

 

“Tell me what happened.  Why were you screaming? Tell me, it’s ok, it’s ok.” 

 

“The reason I was screaming is none of your business!” she snapped.

 

Even through his sunglasses, the man could see fire in her eyes, so bright and beautiful.

 

Just then Nobert poked his head out of the door.

 

The man stared at the two of them.

 

“Well, well, well, this makes no sense.   A drop-dead gorgeous woman like you with a dorky creep like Norbert.  You scream at the top of your lungs, run out the door, and then you pretend nothing is wrong.  Maybe the police can figure it out.” He took out his phone and started to dial. 

 

“Listen mister!  Look, (she pulls out her cell phone) if I wanted to call the cops I would.  Look, (she pulls out her car keys) If I wanted to leave, I would. And furthermore, don’t you dare call the cops.  Because when they ask me why I screamed, I will tell them exactly why. It’s because the big man with the black jacket and sunglasses is harassing me!  Oh yeah, and by the way, he’s been drinking.” She paused, crossed her arms, glared at him.

 

“Is that clear, do you understand?'' She walked toward him, like an angry barking dog, her eyes burning with rage.  The man held his hands half-way up in the air and walked backward until he hit the wall. Without saying a word, he quickly disappeared into his apartment. 

 

Angelica slammed the door and locked it behind her, leaving the neighbors to gossip in the hallway.

 

Norbert clapped.

 

“Bravo.  I applaud you for such an act of bravery,” he said.   “But I caution you, I urge you, please be careful. That gentleman is a professional wrestler, incredibly powerful.  Who knows what this gentleman is capable of doing.”

 

“Well, he doesn’t scare me, speaking of which . . .”

 

“Yes.  I apologize, I momentarily permitted Miss Lizzie to escape from the confines of her cramped cell.  After you arrived, I had entirely forgotten about the matter. However, she is currently locked inside her cage and out of sight.”

 

“Thank you,” she said, feeling relieved. She took a deep breath and thought about the real reason she was there.

Another Review

Now, where was I?”  She returned to his office.

 

Minutes later, she asked, “Norbert come here, how does this sound?” She read the review out loud.

 

“Don’t listen to those bad reviews.  This plan works if you stick to it. I followed it and lost 5 pounds immediately, and I am never hungry.  Thank you, Angelica, for the only diet that has ever worked for me.”

 

He shrugged, “Yes, perhaps I might utter those words if weight loss were to be a goal of mine.”  He paused.

 

“Now, how would you like to have a seat and relax while I cook dinner.”

 

 Moments later Nobert emerged from the kitchen wearing a chef’s hat and an apron.

 

“Good evening Madam, for your dining pleasure, I offer you an icy glass of lemon-lime kool aid;  a hot, steaming, savory plate of spaghetti Os; one thick, tasty deli-sliced bologna sandwich on fresh white bread; and, to top it off, a bowl of luscious lemon jello.”

 

She stared at her plate of bologna, spaghetti Os and jello, then burst out laughing.

 

Norbert lowered his head and stared at the floor.

 

Angelica noticed his hurt expression and stopped laughing.

 

 “I’m just not hungry, that’s all.  Maybe I’ll drink the kool aid.”

 

 She passed the plate to him.  Norbert took one look at it and placed it in the refrigerator.  He was in no mood to eat anyway. He poured himself a glass of kool aid and joined her.

 

They sat at the kitchen table, sipping on kool aid, making small talk.  After a while, she checked her mobile device, hoping her recent post might turn things around.  It didn’t work.

 

There were no new orders and, even worse, a new angry review popped on the screen.

Angelica took a deep breath and read it out loud:

 

“This so-called “diet” is a complete scam.  Do not order! I could not get my money back, so I will reveal the big secret.  This is it: It simply instructs you to spin around the room until you get sick and lose your appetite.  And if that doesn’t work, punch yourself in the stomach. Who wants to get sick?! And as far as candy goes, the instructions are that you can eat all the candy you want, just don’t remove the wrappers.  Ha, ha very funny! And she claims we can look beautiful like her! No amount of plastic surgery in the world could make me look like her!” 

 

They both sat silent for a moment while the words sunk in. Norbert broke the silence.

 

 “Oh, so that is the essence of the plan?”  Norbert found it all extremely amusing. Trying very hard to suppress his urge to laugh, he broke out into a coughing fit.  “Pardon me,” he managed to say as he rushed toward the bathroom. 

 

 He locked the door, and continued to cough, doubled over with laughter.  He coughed so hard his eyes were watering and his glasses dropped to the floor. 

 

There was a knock at the door.

 

“Norbert, are you ok?”

 

“Yes, just give me a moment please.”

 

Norbert then sat on the edge of the tub, trying to recover.  This is really no laughing matter.  He thought about Angelica, always so cool and self-confident. 

 

 How ironic.  Here I am laughing at her when I am always the subject of such ridicule.  I must compose myself. I may be eccentric, so to speak, but I am wise,  for I have inherited the wisdom of my forefathers. I must be the voice of reason. 

 

 Norbert slowly stood up, took a deep breath, wiped his face. He then looked in the mirror, combed his hair and splashed on some High Karate.

The Voice of Reason

 

He entered the living room to find Angelica sitting cross-legged on the couch, shoulders slumped, still staring blankly at her phone.  Those beautiful blue eyes had lost their sparkle. Seeing her vulnerable for the first time, he knew he had to be strong. He quietly took a seat next to her on the couch, closer than he had ever been before.

 

“Thank you for all your help,” she said, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

 

“My pleasure, any time,” he said softly.

 

They sat there silently for a moment, both staring at the ground, classical music played in the background.  She broke the silence.

 

“What do you really think I should do?” she inquired, as she wiped away tears.

 

“My candid view on the matter would be to honor their refund request.   Apologize. They will understand.”

 

 She slowly nodded.  “Yes, you are right.   I just, I wanted so much to succeed.”

 

“Yes, but the entire process of developing a new product or idea involves endurance and persistence.  First and foremost, it involves setting and exploring your target market. All of which cannot possibly be accomplished in a mere 48 hours.”

 

She laughed.  “Yes, I’ll admit that I’m used to getting what I want when I want it.  Call me impulsive.”

 

“Evidently, your loyal subscribers are not the type of ladies who desire to curb their appetite with an unhealthy dose of nausea.  I’d say it’s nerds like me who are more receptive to such an alternative weight loss plan.”

 

 “Really, you would try it?” she asked incredulously.

 

 “Certainly, some day.”He smiled to himself.  Should he tease her, maybe just a little?  He continued. 

 

“The day will come when I reach the age of maturity, and I can pinch more than an inch from my tummy.  Hunger will come over me. I am tempted by a sweet assortment of chocolate candy, but never fear, I’m in control.  Why? Because the candy wrapper is extremely offensive to the palate. I then spin around the room, faster and faster and faster until I fall to the ground, nauseous.  Dinner will have to wait.”

 

She smiled, “Ok, funny, I get the point.  My plan was super silly, although I will say it does work for me when I crave sweets.”

 

“But we’ll research possibilities, and eventually we will discover the path to your golden opportunity.”  He paused and smiled, “May I suggest reptile breeding? Insect taxidermy?”

 

“Funny.”

 

 “In the meantime, continue with your present endeavors.”

 

 “Sounds like a plan,'' she said.  Angelica glanced at her watch. “Oh, look at the time.  I have to go.” She shouted into Norbert’s office, “Good riddance Miss Lizzie.”

Star Bright

Star Bright

He walked her out the door, into the chill of the night air.  Together they walked silently until they reached the door of her white Cavalier. They stood facing each other.  The moon cast light upon her as she looked up at him, looking so incredibly beautiful in the moonlight. He found the courage to take one tiny step closer, then another.  He looked deeply into her eyes. He took in her heavenly scent. 

 

 Norbert found himself caught up in a euphoric daze, pure ecstasy rushed through him from