The Unconscious Journey - Kristina Laurentz (classic literature books .txt) 📗

devotion for this being. I now knew who this figure was. It was the Great I Am…it was the one true God.

God lifted me to my feet (how I am not sure because I didn’t see any arms or hands, but I wasn’t about to ask questions at this point). As God began to speak, I recognized His voice. I had heard it a million times in my head when I would pray or when I was about to do something I shouldn’t. God said, “You are not now, never have been, and never will be alone”. He just answered one of the questions I was asking myself while I was jogging. I just stood there in such awe. I was thinking that there are so many questions I needed to ask Him, questions about my past, my present, the world, creation, events, even questions about the future. He spoke again. “Come, walk with me. I know you have an endless array of questions you want to ask me. I will answer the most important and pertinent ones, so come…let’s walk”.

We began our journey into the unknown. After careful deliberation I asked Him, “Am I dead”?

“No you are not.” He said.

“Why am I here then if I am not dead? I thought the only way to see you is if your dead.” I asked feeling a little uneasy because this was all way too surreal. Then I asked, “Are you really God? Or are you the Devil pretending to be Him?” unsure if I really wanted the answer. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he was the real thing, but I had to be sure.

“You are wise to ask me such a question. The Devil can come in many forms, but I know you already know the answer. I will reassure you, yes I am the Great I Am. As for your other questions, most of the time people can only see me if they are deceased. When you die, your soul recognizes Me if and only if you have accepted the gift of Salvation. If you have not, you would not be here right now. I do, upon special circumstances, choose to appear before certain people because I have a message to give them. A message they will only understand if they are in my presence. This is why you are here. I need to give you a message.” He said with such love and a fatherly tone in His voice. Right then, I began to gain clarity and my feelings of confusion and uneasiness rushed over me. I still was not sure what message He had for me, but I knew I needed to be here with Him at this specific moment in time. All the trivial little questions I needed to ask were now not important. I had very specific questions that I knew needed to be asked.

I remembered, in great detail, what had happened to me. I remembered every punch, every violation that I experienced, all the fear and anger that came with my brutal assault. Even though I remembered, I was not in pain nor did I have all the feelings that came with the attack. It was as if I was watching a show on T.V. and I was the victim. We had both been silent for what seemed hours, then I spoke up. “Lord, why did you allow that man to brutalize and rape me? I know you say that everything has a purpose, but why this…why me?” I asked. I did not cry or feel any resentment or anger. I just simply asked a question in a child like way; plain, simple and to the point. I thought to myself, ‘I hope I am not being rude or disrespectful, I just want answers to these burning questions’.

“You are not being rude or disrespectful, and you have every right to ask me these questions,” He said with a fatherly tone. “Your attack, as violent and unfair as it may seem, was necessary for you. You are going to serve a great purpose for Me and My Kingdom. The world has become a place where compassion, love, understanding, and passion has been snuffed out like a flame on a candle’s wick. The people that have experienced hardship, violence, hate, depression, loneliness, or who don’t have a voice need someone to speak for them and let them know that they are not alone. They need someone with passion that can say ’I truly understand’. They need you, Kay”. He paused for a few moments to let what He had just said register in my mind. I was beginning to understand where He was going with this, but it seemed that there was more, much more, to this story. I remained silent so He could finish His story, His explanation about the mission He was wanting me to carry out. “You are going to be the voice for those that do not have one, or for those who are too afraid to use their own. Kay, your experience will pave the way for all the men and women who are survivors of violent acts. They will listen to you, trust you, and be comforted in the fact that you have been through the same experience and not only survived it but are using it to help others. They will see that I can heal all wounds and be a source of comfort even in the most evil of times and during the most evil of acts. My light will shine through you and you will speak my words. They will see healing and hope within you. I chose you because you have a passion burning deep inside you that longs to escape, to escape and bring light to this world during its darkest of times. You are also going to bring a child into this world. A child that was conceived through violence and hate, but will be a beacon of hope and love. This child will allow other survivors see that a child, who is a product of rape, is not bad or evil. This child is also not a constant reminder of their attack; instead, the child is a reminder of all that is good and innocent in the world. Your child will do great things and help many people. I never allow a child to be conceived unless he or she has a purpose. I know every soul, every being, before they are created and nothing I create is a mistake. Not only will you be the voice of the survivors, you will be a voice for those who have not had a chance to have one…a voice for the unborn. Some of these survivors will listen to you and you alone. No one can reach into the depths of their pain and suffering except you. This is why you were conceived. This is your purpose. This is your mission. Raise your child according to My ways and laws. Remember, Kay, you are never alone. I want you to go now and remember all that I have said. You are a light in the midst of the darkness, my child”. He became silent as if waiting for me to respond to what He had just told me. There was no need to respond, I understood everything. My present and my future was abundantly clear. I had no fear, no anxiety, no questions, no uneasiness. All I had was hope, love, understanding, and peace.

His presence became faint and He disappeared into the mist. I was once again standing on the golden road alone. In an instant I felt as if I was falling, falling down into the misty void. I could hear the sounds of machines beeping and alarms sounding off. I tried to open my eyes, but there was a bright white light. Not the kind of light I saw and felt when I was with Him. It was a piercing light. I felt very cold. My head was spinning. I then knew where I was. I was back in the emergency room. Back to life. Back to my reality. I longed to be back up in the mist. I longed to be with Him, but I knew I had a purpose now. I had a mission.

“I think she is coming around, Dr. Upshire,” a lady said with a sigh of relief in her voice.

“Move out of the way! I need to examine her,” a man’s voice boomed. I assumed it was the Dr. Upshire the woman had spoken to.

“Kay? Kay? Can you hear me? This is Dr. Upshire. You are in the emergency room at Bearoff County Hospital. Open your eyes, Kay. There we go, now squeeze my hand if you can hear me,” the Dr. said.

I could now see him. He was an older man. His hair was graying around the sides. He had wrinkles all along his forehead. He had very broad shoulders resembling those of a power lifter. He had such a kind look about him, very fatherly like. I squeezed his hand. His hand was uncharacteristically soft and very large. I tried to speak but nothing was coming out. I felt as if my throat was closed off. I began to feel fear and panic washing over me.

“Don’t try to speak. We had to put a tube down your throat to help you breathe. You have been unconscious for about 15 minutes.” he explained. “Help me get this tube out, I think she is capable of breathing on her own now,” he asked the nurse that was standing behind him. “Now, when I say so, give me a big cough. I am sure you are not enjoying this tube so let’s get it out,” he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “One, two, three…now cough,” he ordered. I coughed as hard as I could. It felt as if the tube was 100 feet long. I was almost beginning to think that the tube had no end. I just kept coughing. Finally, my throat was set free. I could breathe and it felt so good.

“Do you remember what happened to you, Miss. Cole? If you don‘t want to talk right now, I understand.” the nurse asked me as if hoping I had no recollection of the days’ events.

“Yes, I remember. I remember it all.” I said.

“There is a police woman waiting outside who wants to talk to you. If you are not up to it, I will send her on her way. I understand you have been through a horrible ordeal, so if you don’t want to talk right now it is ok,” the nurse said with such compassion.

“Thank you, but I want to talk to her. I want who ever did this to be caught so he can’t hurt anyone else. No one deserves this, no one,” I said with such determination that she didn’t ask me again.

“Ok,