Records Of A Girlhood Volume 1 (1 Of 2) - Frances Ann Kemble (sad books to read TXT) 📗

1 Chapter 17 Pg 100

Cheeks, Uttering Between Sobs And Sips, In Utter Self-Abasement, Her

_Peccavi_ In The Form Of Oaths And Imprecations Of The Finest

Billingsgate Vernacular (All, However, Addressed To Herself), That Would

Have Made A Dragoon Shake In His Shoes. The Original Form Of Which _Mea

Culpa_ Seized The Worthy Manager With Such An Irresistibly Ludicrous

Effect That He Left The Poor, Guilty Authoress Without Being Able To

Address A Syllable To Her, Lest He Should Explode In Peals Of Laughter

Instead Of Decent Words Of Condolence.

 

To Accompany An Author Or Authoress (I Should Think Especially The

Latter) On The First Night Of The Representation Of Their Piece Is By No

Means A Pleasant Act Of Duty Or Friendship. I Remember My Mother, Whose

Own Nervous Temperament Certainly Was Extremely Ill Adapted For Such An

Undertaking, Describing The Intolerable Distress She Had Experienced On

The Occasion Of The First Representation Of A Piece Called, I Think,

"Father And Son," Taken From A Collection Of Interesting Stories

Entitled "The Canterbury Tales," And Adapted To The Stage By One Of The

Misses Lee, The Sister Authoresses Of The Tales. The Piece Was Very

Fairly Successful, But My Mother Said That Though, According To Her Very

Considerable Experience, The Actors Were By No Means More Imperfect In

Their Parts Than Usual On A First Night, Her Nervous Anxiety Was Kept

Almost At Fever Height By Poor Miss Lee's Incessant Running Commentary

Of "Ah! Very Pretty, No Doubt--Very Fine, I Dare Say--_Only I Never

Wrote A Word Of It_!"

 

Lord Byron Took The Same Story For The Subject Of His Powerful Play Of

"Werner," In Which Mr. Macready Acted So Finely, And With Such Great

Success.

 

I Cannot Imagine What Possessed Me In An Unguarded Hour To Consent, As I

Did, To Go With My Friends, Messrs. Tom Taylor And Charles Reade, To See

The First Representation Of A Play Of Theirs Called, I Think, "The

King's Wager," In Which Charles The Second, Nell Gwynn, And The Plague

Were Prominent Characters. Accidental Circumstances Prevented One Of The

Gentlemen From Coming With Me, And I Have Often Since Wondered At My

Temerity In Having Placed Myself In Such A Trying Situation.

 

                               GREAT RUSSELL STREET, October 24, 1830.

     DEAR H----,

 

     I Have Been Too Busy To Answer Your Last Sooner, But This Hour

     Before Bedtime, The First Quiet One For Some Time, Shall Be Yours.

     I Have Heard Nothing More Of My Brother, And Am Ignorant Where He

     Is Or How Engaged At Present. You Judged Rightly With Respect To

     The Impossibility Of Longer Keeping My Mother In Ignorance Of His

     Absence From England. The Result Was Pretty Much What I Had

     Apprehended; But Her Feelings Have Now Become Somewhat Calmer On

     The Subject. We Are Careful, However, As Much As Possible, To Avoid

     All Mention Of Or Reference To My Brother In Her Presence, For She

     Is In A Very Cruel State Of Anxiety About Him.

 

     I Am Endeavoring As Much As Possible To Follow My Studies With Some

     Regularity. I Have Forsworn Paying And Receiving Morning Visits; So

     That, When No Rehearsal Interferes, I Get My Practicing, My

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     Singing, And My Reading In Tolerable Peace.

 

     I Have Had A Key Of Russell Square Offered Me, Which Privilege I

     Shall Most Thankfully Accept. Walking Regularly Is, Of Course,

     Essential, And Though I Rather Dread The Idea Of Solitarily Turning

     Round And Round That Dreary Emblem Of Eternity, A Circular

     Gravel-Walk, Over-_Gloomed_ With Soot-Blackened Privet Bushes, I Am

     Sure I Ought, And I Mean To Do It Every Day For An Hour. We Do Not

     Dine Till Six, When I Do Not Act, And When I Do, I Do Not Go To The

     Theater Till That Hour; So That From Ten In The Morning, When

     Breakfast Is Over, I Get A Tolerably Long Day. I Have Obtained My

     Father's Leave To Learn Drawing And German, And As Soon As Our

     House Is A Little More Comfortably Settled, I Shall Begin Both. I

     Do Not Know Whether I Have The Least Talent For Drawing, But I Have

     So Strong A Desire To Possess That Accomplishment That I Think, By

     The Help Of A Good Master And Patience And Hard Work, I Must

     Succeed To Some Decent Degree. I Wish To Provide Myself With Every

     Possible Resource Against The Engrossing Excitement Of My

     Profession While I Remain In It, And To Fill Its Place Whenever I

     Leave It, Or It Leaves Me; All My Occupations Are With That View

     And To That End.

 

     My Father Has Promised Me To Speak To Mr. Murray About Publishing

     My Play And My Verses. I Am Anxious For This For Several Reasons,

     Some Of Which I Believe I Mentioned To You; And To These I Have

     Since Added A Great Wish To Have Some Good Prints I Possess Framed,

     For My Little Room, And I Should Not Scruple To Apply Part Of The

     Money So Earned To That Purpose. You Asked Me Which Is My Room. You

     Remember The Bathroom, Next To What Was My Uncle John's Bedroom, On

     The Third Floor; The Room Above That My Mother Has Fitted Up

     Beautifully For Me, And I Inhabit It All Day Long With Great

     Complacency And A Sort Of Comfortable, Alexander-Selkirk Feeling.

     And This Suggests A Question Which Has Seldom Been Out Of My Mind,

     And Which I Wish To Recall To Yours. When Do You Intend To Come And

     See Me? I Can Offer You A Nest On The _Fourth Story_, Which Is

     Excellent For Your Health, As Free A Circulation Of Air As A London

     Lodging Can Well Afford, And As Fine A Combination Of Chimney-Pots

     As Even Your Love Of The Picturesque Could Desire.

 

     Dear H----, Will You Not Come And Pass A Month With Us? Now Stop A

     Bit, And I Will Point Out To You One By One The Inducements To And

     Advantages Of Such A Step. In The First Place, My Father And Mother

     Both Request And Wish It, And You Know How Truly Happy It Would

     Make Me. Your Own People Can Well Spare You For A Month, And I Am

     Sure Will Be The More Inclined To Do So From The Consideration That

     Change Of Air And Scene Will Be Good For You, And That, Though Your

     Stock Of Original Ideas Is Certainly Extraordinary, Yet You Cannot

     Be Expected To Go On For Ever, Like A Spider, Existing Mentally In

     The Midst Of Your Own Weavings, Without Every Now And Then

     Recruiting Your Strength And Taking In A New Supply Of Material.

 

     You Shall Come To London, That Huge Mass Of Matter For Thought And

     Observation, And To Me, In Whom You Find So Interesting An Epitome

     Of All The Moods, Tenses, And Conjugations Of Every Regular And

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     Irregular Form Of "To Do, To Be, And To Suffer;" And When You Have

     Been Sufficiently _Smoked, Fogged_, Astonished, And Edified, You

     Shall Return Home With One Infallible Result Of Your Stay With

     Us--Increased Value For A Peaceful Life, Quiet Companions, A Wide

     Sea-View, And Potatoes Roasted In Their Skins; Not But What You

     Shall Have The Last-Mentioned Luxury Here, If You Will But Come.

 

     Now, Dear H----, I Wish This Very Much, But Promise To Bear Your

     Answer Reasonably Well; I Depend Upon Your Indulging Me If You Can,

     And Shall Try Not To Behave Ill If You Don't; So Do Me Justice, And

     Do Not Give Way To Your Shyness And Habits Of Retirement. I Want

     You To Come Here Before The 20th Of November, And Then I Will Let

     You Go In Time To Be At Home For Christmas. So Now My Cause Is In

     Your Hands--_Avisez-Vous_.

 

     I Wonder Whether You Have Heard That My Father Has Been Thrashing

     The Editor Of The _Age_ Newspaper, Who, It Seems, Took Offence At

     My Father's Not Appearing On Sufficiently Familiar Terms With Him

     Somewhere Or Other When They Met, In Revenge For Which "Coldness"

     (As He Styles It) He Has Not Ceased For The Last Six Months Abusing

     Us, Every Week, In His Paper. From What I Hear I Was The Especial

     Mark Of His Malice; Of Course I Need Not Tell You That, Knowing The

     Character Of This Publication, I Should Never Have Looked At It,

     And The Circumstance Of My Name Appearing In Its Columns Would

     Hardly Have Been An Inducement To Me To Do So. I Knew Nothing,

     Therefore, Of My Own Injuries, But Heard General Expressions Of

     Indignation Against Mr. Westmacott, And Saw That My Father Was

     Extremely Exasperated Upon The Subject. The Other Night They Were

     All Going To The Play, And Pressed Me Very Much To Go Too, But I

     Had Something I Wished To Write, And Remained At Home. On Their

     Return My Father Appeared To Me Much Excited, And I Was Informed

     That Having Unluckily Come Across Mr. Westmacott, His Wrath Had Got

     The Better Of His Self-Command, And He Had Bestowed A Severe

     Beating Upon That Individual. I Could Not Help Looking Very Grave

     At This; For Though I Should Have Been Very Well Satisfied If It

     Could Have _Rained_ A Good Thrashing Upon Mr. Westmacott From The

     Sky, Yet As I Do Not Approve Of Returning Injuries By Injuries, I

     Could Not Rejoice That My Father Had Done So. I Suppose He Saw That

     I Had No Great Satisfaction In The Event, For He Said, "The Law

     Affords No Redress Against Such Attacks As This Paper Makes On

     People, And I Thought It Time To Take Justice In My Own Hands When

     My Daughter Is Insulted." He Then Repeated Some Of The Language

     Made Use Of With Reference To Me In The _Age_, And I Could Not Help

     Blushing With Indignation To My Fingers' Ends.

 

     Perhaps, Under The Circumstances, It Is Not Surprising That My

     Father Has Done What He Has, But I Think I Should Have Admired Him

     More If He Had Not. Mr. Westmacott Means To Bring An Action Against

     Him, And I Am Afraid He Will Have To Pay Dearly For His Momentary

     Indulgence Of Temper.

 

     I Must Have Done Writing, Though I Had A Good Deal More To Say. God

     Bless You, Dear. If You Answer This Letter Directly, I Will Write

     You A Better Next Time.