Twisted Image - Jacob Long (love novels in english TXT) š
- Author: Jacob Long
Book online Ā«Twisted Image - Jacob Long (love novels in english TXT) šĀ». Author Jacob Long
noted last week that Lance seems to be characterized more by a lack of personality than an insane one. Desmond, however, has a very powerful personality. Perhaps Desmond was created to make up for the weakness in Lance. My plan remains the same. I will try to promote Lanceās confidence and convince him that he does not need Desmond anymore. Maybe then Desmond can be defeated. I called off meditation time and struck a deal with Desmond; buying me time to talk only to Lance.
Weāll see who wins this game yetā¦
On a side note, James came out of the surveillance room early this morning to ask me why Paul wasnāt there when he came to relieve him. I told James to go home; that he was dismissed for the rest of the treatment. Desmond could probably convince him to leave too, anyway. Now itās just me and Desmond.
March 16, 2011
Things went pretty routine yesterday. I got my time with Lance and Desmond gave me a few more creative nightmares and meditation fantasies. The only reason I write today is to report that Desmond came up with a new trick the same moment I did. I asked Lance if I could talk to Desmond. He agreed with no objections. I wanted to talk to Desmond to see if I could maybe uncover some insecurities in him. While we were talking he began to display mental images to me in my mind at random points during the conversation. They were explicitly sexual in nature. It was a surprise at first. Well, to be honest, they continued to be every time he did it. However, it really wasnāt helping to drive me insane. Maybe if I were a virgin these images would have more effect, but as it is I am not impressed. They werenāt even really creative.
I keep these memoirs in earnest. If I fail, they may be useful to the next person who tries.
March 17, 2011
Desmond came up with some new images to show me today. They were the most visceral and disgusting I could have imagined. I ended up begging Desmond to stop. It was fair play but I just couldnāt take it. The blood, the torn flesh, the dismemberments; they were horrible. I must become stronger. I will prevail.
March 18, 2011
The images of dismemberment and torture that Desmond has taken to showing me had less effect on me today. Iāve taken to pretending theyāre not affecting me at all. Maybe soon that will really be true. Is that a good thing?
March 21, 2011
Itās morning now; which is unusual. I usually write about the dayās events at night; which only makes sense. Iāve decided to write this sort of emergency memoir because something amazing, but terrible, has happened.
A couple more days have passed. More than I thought, even. The first day since my last entry was unremarkable, but the secondā¦the second doesnāt even seem to have technically happened for me. I thought it was the nineteenth today. But itās not. To be frank; I had a dream last---yesterday. In the dream I lived out an entire day of my life. Desmond was there, of course. Heād fabricated the entire thing. We were in some sort of trippy, blurry, psychedelic version of a forest. The sun was just rising when it started and was going down when the dream ended. Desmond and I had spent that entire day talking. Meanwhile the environment around us began to exhibit more and more insane and disturbing things. It was a good idea, and an effective tactic, immersing me in the horror heād been subjecting me to this whole time.
I woke up today to find out that a day actually had passed in real time. What a creative way to rob me of my right to a fair amount of time to try to cure him. He must be getting desperate. Iām going to complain about this to him. Itās not fair robbing a day from me.
March 20, 2011 (continued)
Itās night now. Desmond at least acknowledged that he broke the rules. Heās not allowed to invade my dreams tonight and I get all of tomorrow to talk to Lance. Iāll be sure to make the most of it.
March 22, 2011
Desmond kept his word and kept out of my dreams. I made a ton of progress with Lance. Maybe this is cruel, but I started to let on that there is a part of me that is very interested in shy, quiet Lance Firnstahl. I say cruel because honestly, my job would prevent me from ever carrying on a serious relationship with him. Itās just wouldnāt be right. I hope Lance understands when the time comes, and I hope this promotes his self-confidence to get rid of Desmond.
March 23, 2011
Today Desmondā¦raped me. At least, I think. It depends on how far youāre willing to stretch the term. A cynical person would say that I actually let him do it. While we were talking today the subject came up of the way I was hitting on Lance the other day. Desmond got angry. Heā¦hit me. He knocked me on the table. I was a little dazed I guess; but it was more than that. I was having strange thoughts. I was thinking romantic thoughts and I even became aroused. Desmond was muttering something about me wanting his bodyā¦and thatās when he pulled down my pants. To be honest I was enjoying myself while he did it. Desmond was surprisingly gentle; not really furious like a rapist would be. Not that it makes it okay.
Itās strange that Iām in such a calm and reflective state of mind. Iām not exhibiting any of the behaviors of a rape victim. Iām more overcome by my fascination for it all. A part of me feels that I accepted it even before it happened. All of these events make me nervous. Has Desmond gotten to me this much that he can affect me so deeply? Am I losing?
Perhaps not. In the middle of everything Lance fought back. Desmond suddenly stopped what he was doing and blinked at me like he had no idea where he was. Tears started dripping onto my face from his eyes and he pulled away. I knew right then that it was Lance. For a wile he was simply sobbing in the corner with his pants still around his ankles, but then he got furious. He started raging at Desmond, and then he got up and ran into his room. I didnāt dare follow him. I hope heās in there doing something about Desmond right now. Maybe itās all about to end.
March 25, 2011
Itās the fucking twenty-fifth! Desmond robbed another day from me with his damn dream-time therapy sessions! I guess Lance still couldnāt get rid of him. No matter. Thereās still time. Desmondās going to pay for his antics again. Iām going to make sure of that!
March 25, 2011 (continued)
Earlier today I got another terrible shock. Lance didnāt just not destroy Desmond, he lost to him. Today I demanded another full day with Lance and Desmond told me it wasnāt possible. Desmond then explained to me that on the night of March twenty-second he succeeded in ousting whatever was left of Lanceās psyche. He claimed to be the only personality left in Lanceās body.
I begged for Lance to come out. I begged for him to take over just as he did when Desmond was raping me, but nothing happened. Desmond remained in control. Iāve failed. If Lance is truly gone, then there is no reason for me to continue.
No. I wonāt believe it. I still have time. Perhaps Desmond is only suppressing Lance. If I can get Desmond to admit that he has insecurities; that heās not as all-powerful as he thinks he is; if I can just get him to lower his guard; maybe, just maybe, Lance will shine through once more.
March 26, 2011
Desmond couldnāt believe I wanted to continue with treatment today. I wish, just once, I had his ability to see through people. I want to know if I called his bluff.
āIt is a fantastic ability.ā
Why did I write that?
āCuz I made you.ā
Holy shit. Are we having a conversation through my journal?
āYep. Most of the time this is a secret to me; but Lance canāt stop me from peeking anymore.ā
Iām writing down his responses as if they were my own thoughts. This is insane.
āHo-ho! Be careful with that word doc, please!ā
Alright. Thatās enough.
āAre you wearing a bra right now?ā
Thatās none of your damn business.
āIt is now. With Lance gone, he canāt stop me from reading every thought. Even the oneās you write down here. I happen to know for a fact that you sleep in nothing but pantiesā¦sexy.ā
Enough! Iām shutting my diary now.
March 27, 2011
Desmond is fludding me with images and negative thoughts all the time now. My mid is racing constantly. I canāt tell if hes getting desperate or if my defenses are finally, completely down now. Its getting hard to fokus.
March 2ā¦,
I donāt think I can take this anymore. God ! I donāt even no what day it is! Did I just write āgod?ā Thatās funny. I donāt even think he exists anymore. If god is real, I want to see his face. Heās ignoring me! The only thing I can think about is Desmond. He plagues my every thought with his witchcraft! Desmondās looking to make himself my god. I wonāt let him! I wonāt let him!
ā¦I misspelled a word up there too. Iāve got to stop using pens. Iām so distracted.
Marchā¦I think
Help me god . I canāt defeat Desmond. I know that now. I admit it. Iām not what I thought I was. Just help me. I donāt want to feel like this anymore. Help me god help me god help me god help me god help me god help me god help god help me god help me my head it hurts so badā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦
Day: Meaningless Month: Meaningless
I donāt even care what day it is anymore. Desmondās gone. This morning he told me āthat his work was doneā and then he just left! What will I do now? Without himā¦I donāt know what Iām going to do with my life. Heās become my whole world. Iām all alone in this warehouse. What do I do?
March 31, 2011
Itās been a day since Desmond left me. I cried myself to sleep last night. I was feeling so alone, but then some men came into the room today. They asked me a bunch of questions but most of them I didnāt even know the answers to. I donāt know what they think was going on in there and I donāt care where Paul went. They even had the gall to ask me where Desmond went. Donāt they think if I knew that Iād be there with him now? Idiots.
At least they knew what day it is. I should probably still be waiting for Desmond in that room, but they told me if he came around theyād tell him where to find me. I
Weāll see who wins this game yetā¦
On a side note, James came out of the surveillance room early this morning to ask me why Paul wasnāt there when he came to relieve him. I told James to go home; that he was dismissed for the rest of the treatment. Desmond could probably convince him to leave too, anyway. Now itās just me and Desmond.
March 16, 2011
Things went pretty routine yesterday. I got my time with Lance and Desmond gave me a few more creative nightmares and meditation fantasies. The only reason I write today is to report that Desmond came up with a new trick the same moment I did. I asked Lance if I could talk to Desmond. He agreed with no objections. I wanted to talk to Desmond to see if I could maybe uncover some insecurities in him. While we were talking he began to display mental images to me in my mind at random points during the conversation. They were explicitly sexual in nature. It was a surprise at first. Well, to be honest, they continued to be every time he did it. However, it really wasnāt helping to drive me insane. Maybe if I were a virgin these images would have more effect, but as it is I am not impressed. They werenāt even really creative.
I keep these memoirs in earnest. If I fail, they may be useful to the next person who tries.
March 17, 2011
Desmond came up with some new images to show me today. They were the most visceral and disgusting I could have imagined. I ended up begging Desmond to stop. It was fair play but I just couldnāt take it. The blood, the torn flesh, the dismemberments; they were horrible. I must become stronger. I will prevail.
March 18, 2011
The images of dismemberment and torture that Desmond has taken to showing me had less effect on me today. Iāve taken to pretending theyāre not affecting me at all. Maybe soon that will really be true. Is that a good thing?
March 21, 2011
Itās morning now; which is unusual. I usually write about the dayās events at night; which only makes sense. Iāve decided to write this sort of emergency memoir because something amazing, but terrible, has happened.
A couple more days have passed. More than I thought, even. The first day since my last entry was unremarkable, but the secondā¦the second doesnāt even seem to have technically happened for me. I thought it was the nineteenth today. But itās not. To be frank; I had a dream last---yesterday. In the dream I lived out an entire day of my life. Desmond was there, of course. Heād fabricated the entire thing. We were in some sort of trippy, blurry, psychedelic version of a forest. The sun was just rising when it started and was going down when the dream ended. Desmond and I had spent that entire day talking. Meanwhile the environment around us began to exhibit more and more insane and disturbing things. It was a good idea, and an effective tactic, immersing me in the horror heād been subjecting me to this whole time.
I woke up today to find out that a day actually had passed in real time. What a creative way to rob me of my right to a fair amount of time to try to cure him. He must be getting desperate. Iām going to complain about this to him. Itās not fair robbing a day from me.
March 20, 2011 (continued)
Itās night now. Desmond at least acknowledged that he broke the rules. Heās not allowed to invade my dreams tonight and I get all of tomorrow to talk to Lance. Iāll be sure to make the most of it.
March 22, 2011
Desmond kept his word and kept out of my dreams. I made a ton of progress with Lance. Maybe this is cruel, but I started to let on that there is a part of me that is very interested in shy, quiet Lance Firnstahl. I say cruel because honestly, my job would prevent me from ever carrying on a serious relationship with him. Itās just wouldnāt be right. I hope Lance understands when the time comes, and I hope this promotes his self-confidence to get rid of Desmond.
March 23, 2011
Today Desmondā¦raped me. At least, I think. It depends on how far youāre willing to stretch the term. A cynical person would say that I actually let him do it. While we were talking today the subject came up of the way I was hitting on Lance the other day. Desmond got angry. Heā¦hit me. He knocked me on the table. I was a little dazed I guess; but it was more than that. I was having strange thoughts. I was thinking romantic thoughts and I even became aroused. Desmond was muttering something about me wanting his bodyā¦and thatās when he pulled down my pants. To be honest I was enjoying myself while he did it. Desmond was surprisingly gentle; not really furious like a rapist would be. Not that it makes it okay.
Itās strange that Iām in such a calm and reflective state of mind. Iām not exhibiting any of the behaviors of a rape victim. Iām more overcome by my fascination for it all. A part of me feels that I accepted it even before it happened. All of these events make me nervous. Has Desmond gotten to me this much that he can affect me so deeply? Am I losing?
Perhaps not. In the middle of everything Lance fought back. Desmond suddenly stopped what he was doing and blinked at me like he had no idea where he was. Tears started dripping onto my face from his eyes and he pulled away. I knew right then that it was Lance. For a wile he was simply sobbing in the corner with his pants still around his ankles, but then he got furious. He started raging at Desmond, and then he got up and ran into his room. I didnāt dare follow him. I hope heās in there doing something about Desmond right now. Maybe itās all about to end.
March 25, 2011
Itās the fucking twenty-fifth! Desmond robbed another day from me with his damn dream-time therapy sessions! I guess Lance still couldnāt get rid of him. No matter. Thereās still time. Desmondās going to pay for his antics again. Iām going to make sure of that!
March 25, 2011 (continued)
Earlier today I got another terrible shock. Lance didnāt just not destroy Desmond, he lost to him. Today I demanded another full day with Lance and Desmond told me it wasnāt possible. Desmond then explained to me that on the night of March twenty-second he succeeded in ousting whatever was left of Lanceās psyche. He claimed to be the only personality left in Lanceās body.
I begged for Lance to come out. I begged for him to take over just as he did when Desmond was raping me, but nothing happened. Desmond remained in control. Iāve failed. If Lance is truly gone, then there is no reason for me to continue.
No. I wonāt believe it. I still have time. Perhaps Desmond is only suppressing Lance. If I can get Desmond to admit that he has insecurities; that heās not as all-powerful as he thinks he is; if I can just get him to lower his guard; maybe, just maybe, Lance will shine through once more.
March 26, 2011
Desmond couldnāt believe I wanted to continue with treatment today. I wish, just once, I had his ability to see through people. I want to know if I called his bluff.
āIt is a fantastic ability.ā
Why did I write that?
āCuz I made you.ā
Holy shit. Are we having a conversation through my journal?
āYep. Most of the time this is a secret to me; but Lance canāt stop me from peeking anymore.ā
Iām writing down his responses as if they were my own thoughts. This is insane.
āHo-ho! Be careful with that word doc, please!ā
Alright. Thatās enough.
āAre you wearing a bra right now?ā
Thatās none of your damn business.
āIt is now. With Lance gone, he canāt stop me from reading every thought. Even the oneās you write down here. I happen to know for a fact that you sleep in nothing but pantiesā¦sexy.ā
Enough! Iām shutting my diary now.
March 27, 2011
Desmond is fludding me with images and negative thoughts all the time now. My mid is racing constantly. I canāt tell if hes getting desperate or if my defenses are finally, completely down now. Its getting hard to fokus.
March 2ā¦,
I donāt think I can take this anymore. God ! I donāt even no what day it is! Did I just write āgod?ā Thatās funny. I donāt even think he exists anymore. If god is real, I want to see his face. Heās ignoring me! The only thing I can think about is Desmond. He plagues my every thought with his witchcraft! Desmondās looking to make himself my god. I wonāt let him! I wonāt let him!
ā¦I misspelled a word up there too. Iāve got to stop using pens. Iām so distracted.
Marchā¦I think
Help me god . I canāt defeat Desmond. I know that now. I admit it. Iām not what I thought I was. Just help me. I donāt want to feel like this anymore. Help me god help me god help me god help me god help me god help me god help god help me god help me my head it hurts so badā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦
Day: Meaningless Month: Meaningless
I donāt even care what day it is anymore. Desmondās gone. This morning he told me āthat his work was doneā and then he just left! What will I do now? Without himā¦I donāt know what Iām going to do with my life. Heās become my whole world. Iām all alone in this warehouse. What do I do?
March 31, 2011
Itās been a day since Desmond left me. I cried myself to sleep last night. I was feeling so alone, but then some men came into the room today. They asked me a bunch of questions but most of them I didnāt even know the answers to. I donāt know what they think was going on in there and I donāt care where Paul went. They even had the gall to ask me where Desmond went. Donāt they think if I knew that Iād be there with him now? Idiots.
At least they knew what day it is. I should probably still be waiting for Desmond in that room, but they told me if he came around theyād tell him where to find me. I
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