Twisted Image - Jacob Long (love novels in english TXT) š
- Author: Jacob Long
Book online Ā«Twisted Image - Jacob Long (love novels in english TXT) šĀ». Author Jacob Long
March 1, 2011
Another success; The Bessemer Process proves yet again to have extraordinary ability toward curing mentally ill patients of their afflictions. This time the subject was Jo Marie Ostrowski, who suffered from paranoid delusions. The isolation proved instrumental in the treatment, supporting my theory that forcing the patient to focus, and stopping treatment only to eat and sleep, severely limit the time it takes to cure the illness. Normally patients go about their days after treatment in their ward or wherever and most of whatever progress was made is lost. My process eliminates that wasted time and cures within weeks. I canāt believe I got to write that word again. CURE!!! My process hasnāt just treated these illnesses, it has CURED them! Mary Jo was cured in only twenty-one days! And I was allotted thirty! This is even less time than when I treated the two with social anxiety disorder and Aspergerās syndrome.
The next subject will be my most daunting challenge yet; the patient is diagnosed as having advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. A split personality. His case file is a very interesting read. After I cure him, the board will have to submit my findings to the psychological society as facts and psychiatrists across the country will be trained in this process. My name will be remembered for all time. Alicia Bessemer, inventor of the revolutionary Bessemer Process.
March 1, 2011 (cont.)
I met my patient earlier today; Lance Firnstahl. Heās a fascinating fellow. His demeanor struck me as sheepish but Director Sprink seemed convinced that I should be extremely cautious around him. I suppose I never got the chance to meet his alter ego. The director referred to him as Desmond. I wonder if to cure Lance Iāll have to treat this other personality as well; get him to accept that Lance does not need him anymore. The thought is actually kind of sad. It will be like Iām asking him to acceptā¦dying.
At least Iāll always have Paul or Jimmy watching out for me if this Desmond character does anything creative. Despite my reservations, there is a part of me that hopes to meet him before this is all over. I want to know how he feels about being created, about not having a real life or memoriesā¦about being a surrogate personality.
Lance didnāt accept the idea of not having any modern pleasures in his room with grace. I know how he feels, but I also know that heāll get over it. I did. This fancy renovated warehouse has really become my second home.
March 2, 2011
Alright, so Lance is starting to creep me out. No big deal. Heās so intelligent and calculating. His score on my big competency test was very good. Only one in four people are able to score as highly as he did. What struck me most was his extremely attuned empathetic prowess. Yesterday he caught me in a lie, and while I think I still got away with it, it was unnerving that he was able to come up with my actual hidden intentions exactly. He didnāt just think I was lying, he actually seemed to know what I was thinking. Today I thought he could read what I was writing on my paper at extreme distance and at a peculiar angle. Again, he seemed rather to know what I was thinking rather than being able to see.
On a more personal note; I found Lanceās self-image to be incredibly objective. He described himself as intelligent, articulate, testy, cynical, mild-mannered, and sensitive. This is exactly how I would have described him. Perhaps this other personality in him; who he claims to have a constant dialogue with; told him these things. Itās intriguing.
His idea of his childhood seemed a little slanted. He felt that it was harder than it should have been. I do not feel that he gave me adequate evidence to back this up though. He does claim that his father was abusive. Could it have been so bad as to have created a split personality? I suppose he could have been forcing Lance to suppress himself and his feelings, causing a crack. Lance claims that he does not remember the incident that led him to be incarcerated in the psychiatric ward so I will need further investigation.
What really vexes me though is that he doesnāt believe heās ever been in love. His view of love is so cynical that I find it hard to believe heās been open to the idea. If Lance feels heās never been in love, then he probably feels no one cares about him. This concerns me because, according to Emile Durkheimās study of suicide, a connection to society is a strong deterrent to mental problems. He canāt remember having had any dreams for a long time either. Not having any dreams may indicate a lack of R.E.M. sleep. R.E.M. sleep and dreaming is very important to mental health as well. People need to dream, or theyāllā¦you knowā¦go insane.
At least he shows a definite interest in being cured of his schizophrenia. He misses things about the outside world and still has dreams for the future. There is hope. Tomorrow I may even get to speak to his other personality and ask these questions to him. It will be exciting, Iām sure.
March 3,
Desmond is the polar opposite of Lance. I did get to speak to him. It was as fascinating as I expected. His view of the world is completely different than Lanceās. Itās much more cynical. And his view of himself is very narcissistic. I guess Iām not surprised.
The questions about Desmondās childhood were useless. But what I thought was cool was that Desmond has memories of Lanceās parents. Apparently heād been watching from behind Lanceās eyes for quite some time before getting fed up with his āback of the bus attitude.ā Desmondās impression of his āfamilyā was similar to Lanceās.
Desmond couldnāt give me a straight answer about his dreams. When I asked what his dream occupation was, he said āPorn Star.ā Maybe I should have taken him seriously.
Lance claimed not to have dreams when he slept, but Desmond says he experiences new dreams every night. This begs the question: Is Desmond taking dreams from Lance? Is Lanceās brain divided up like assets in a divorce? Iāve never even heard about this before.
On top of this; Desmond called his existence a constant dream state. Itās like a dream because he can see whatās happening, but he canāt control it. Heās been subjected to this for years. I feel kind of sorry for him.
When asked if heās ever been in love, Desmond told me he didnāt know what it was. Heās not a very good liar, of course. I could see it in his eyes. There are people who cared for Desmond that Desmond loved back. Of course, these people probably thought they were caring for just Lance. He felt it once, but learned long ago they didnāt actually love him.
Finally we come to the question I really wanted to ask him. Lance claims not to remember what incident led to his incarceration, but Desmond remembers it perfectly. He was happy to tell me about it in every nasty detail.
It was a school day. Lance was in school and he got into an argument with one of his teachers. Apparently Lance used to talk in a very Californian beach-bum like manner; with lots of ādudesā and āmansā and the like. During the argument the teacher began to mimic these speech patterns just to annoy him. Desmond was watching and found this extremely insulting. Desmond felt that a teacher had no right to talk to anyone, especially a student that way. This, apparently, was enough to make Desmond fly off the handle. He took over, immediately leaving the class and not going to any others for the rest of the day. But he didnāt leave school.
During the rest of the day Desmond proceeded to act out. He claims to have been living out Lanceās secret fantasies. Saying what he couldnāt and doing what he couldnāt and the like. Apparently this entailed first searching for a female student to have sexual relations with. This may just be bragging, but he said it didnāt take much to convince someone. Soon he and this girl were having sexual relations in the janitorās closet. Of course an administrator found them eventually. According to Desmond the moaning was quite loud. The administrator told them to stop but Desmond didnāt. I guess the girl wasnāt in the mood to either. When the administrator tried to pry them apart forcefully, Desmond promptly struck him across the face. At that the intercourse actually ended.
The administrator was knocked to the floor and Desmond left. When the police found him he was eating ice cream with another woman at a Dairy Queen. This time the woman was much older than he. According to him he āwas getting placesā before the cops showed up. During his interrogation Desmond made it clear to the police that he wasnāt actually Lance Firnstahl and that was that. The police had him evaluated by a psychiatrist and they had him committed.
Maybe Desmond doesnāt think so, but I still think his story is a sad one. He was acting out because he felt trapped. He fought to reject a society that rejected him long before he was born.
Our talk lasted all day. He seemed to be as interested in me and my life just as I was in his. He wouldnāt answer any of my questions before I agreed to answer the questions back to him. āQuid pro quoā he had the gall to say. He thought he was clever, but I saw that movie too.
March 4, 2011
I got the unique opportunity to talk to both Desmond and Lance today. It gave me a good idea of how different they are. Desmond is a total, raging egomaniac and Lance seems to be characterized more by a lack of personality. I can see why he felt it necessary to create a surrogate self.
Perhaps this is the key to finding his cure. Tomorrow I will see if I can perhaps, promote Lanceās self-confidence. If he develops confidence of his own, he may realize he does not need Desmond. If Desmond can be rendered useless, maybe he can beā¦destroyed. Itās such a nasty term, but curing Lance means destroying Desmond. He wonāt like that. Iām becoming more and more glad that Iāve got the men behind the glass watching out for me. This could get dangerous.
March 5, 2011
I spent the whole day trying to find creative ways to massage Lanceās ego. I had him tell me about specific memories from his life he felt contributed to his mental state. He came up with a remarkable amount of instances. At each one I tried to reiterate things like that it wasnāt his fault that he did all he could. People really were bastards to him. Itās appalling.
What stuck out in my mind was that he didnāt just have situations, he could remember some of their exact dates too. I begin to suspect that Lance has a retentive memory. I believe Iāve got the test around here somewhere. Hold on a second, I need to go get it.
ā¦I canāt believe I just wrote that.
Alright, I found it. Iām going to test his memory tomorrow and see what Iām dealing with. Iām really very curious.
March 6, 2011
Lance indeed does have a retentive memory. After
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