Get Out!!! - Kooi Lim (funny books to read .TXT) 📗

luv? With that Marie let herself out. She had managed to break the lock of the ground floor window while Peipei went to buy his lunch.

During that night her son and his 4 friends went through that window and bundled the sleeping boys into a car and drove them to the homeless shelter. They were told never to come back or else!!!!
See I had my fair share of squatters.”

Another friend’s mum had to pay £30,000 to bribe the squatters to leave as they were desperate to sell the house to give to their four children the money to buy their own houses. Then, there was the one in Paris where she was made totally bankrupt as it took nearly a year before the court issued an eviction order. The minute she got the house back she sold it straight away and swore that she would never want such stress again, ever.

Mum also told her how racist the squatters were. She said one day she took them by surprised by cycling back from work to check on them. It was about 3pm during the weekday and an Indian man with a brief case came out of the house towards her. She challenged the guy and poked her face right closed to his and asked, “Oi, what are you doing in my house? Are you squatting with them as well or are you helping them to steal my house illegally? Oi, answer me, what are you doing in my house!!!” The man apparently fumbled with his collar and found the hood to put over his head and started running towards Clapton station, hanging onto his bag. Mum ran after him shouting her usual abuse!!!

Then, as if that was not enough drama a tanned 60 year old man not bad looking for his age, infact looking like Arthur, the father of Peter in the recent television series of “Heroes”. Mei Ling was totally shocked and did her usual by accosting him, “Oh my god, what is an old man doing in my house? You are squatting in my house as well?”

“Ah, are you the landlady who super glued the lock? Do you know we can get you arrested for that?”
“Me? Why would I want to sabotage my own house? You think I am stupid to do that? Don’t forget I am not the crook here. You are.” She did super glue the front door lock while Jack stood on watch.

“It must be you. The lads said it was you. I will get you arrested. You foreigners should go back to your own country and stop coming over here to take our houses away from us. Go home!!!! Go!!! “Arthur was very aggressive waving his hands at Mei Ling.

Mei Ling went berserk, “Oh my god you are a racist bastard. Is that why you hijacked my house!! Hei!!! Neighbours!! Neighbours come out come and listen to this racist man. He calls me a foreigner and he is taking over my house because he said I had no business coming over to his country to steal his country‘s business. Come out neighbours and see for yourself this racist man. Oh now I get it. Is that why you and your lads steal my house from me? It is because I am a Chinese? Do you know how much tax I pay? You nasty man, you get out and take your lads with you. What about your lads? Isn’t one of them Spanish, as he said his mum was in Spain? I asked him why I should have his mum’s responsibility of looking after him while his mum is living in luxury. Besides why should I give him free accommodation? Do I look like his mum? No thank you I do not want such useless son and besides I got my own children to look after. So get out and get out please. I can’t pay the mortgage!!! You racist bastard! Hei Neighbours!!! Please come out and see this racist man!!!”

“Hei Lady, shoo!!! Shoo!! Be quiet. Don’t be mad. Where are you from? You look like a 16 year old girl. Are you sure you are old enough to be a landlady? You are beautiful when you are mad. Lady, how many houses have you got. I have 8. Tell me lady. Don’t be mad. Infact, marry me and together we can be very rich. By the way these lads are all English. None of us are foreign”

Mei Ling could not believe her ears. Such audacity and pomposity!!! “It’s none of your business how many houses I have. If you have so many houses why are you squatting in my house? Give one of them to your English lads. Get out!!! I can’t pay the mortgage!!! God help your wife!! How dare you even dare to ask me to marry you? Even if you are the last person on earth I would never marry such a low class peasant!!!”

Richie came out of the house and started telling Mei Ling not to listen to him and they will be moving out soon.

“No. We will not move out. We will see you in court. You get back into the house, Richie, instructed Arthur. Richie looked at Arthur with such hatred but decided not to argue and instead went back into the house.”

You know even the younger generation know what they were doing was wrong. One morning two young boys, one 16 and the other about 12 stopped and asked her why she was crying. They banged and banged the door and called them “scumbags. You come out and give the lady back her house. Do you hear me? We will come back with our mates and burn the house down”

“Lady, let us help you. Let me throw a brick through the glass door and we can then get in there and chased them out. Lady, shall I?” asked the young handsome but skinny mixed race boy.
His younger brother excitedly called out to Trevor, “ Tre, Tre, lets go and round up Phil, Simo, John and we will come back and beat these people up and get this lady back her house. Come on Trev, let’s go. Don’t worry lady we will get your house back for you” and with that they ran off without hearing what Mei Ling had to say to them, “Don’t, please don’t. You never know how bad and dangerous these men are. They will kill you. Thank you that is very sweet of you but please don’t get yourself involve. You are only young. Don’t worry I will deal with it myself.”

Apparently they did go back and threw a brick through the top window. Richie had blocked it off with a piece of cardboard.

Mei Ling and hubby Jack has been to court but the squatters surprised them with different reasons each time prolonging and reconvening the court hearing giving them more time squatting in the house. First, they claimed that they were invited to stay by ex-tenants. Secondly, they claimed they were squatters.

It’s eight in the evening and its cold and pissing down with rain outside. Laura is wearing a really sexy skinny jeans and tight fitting and snugly hugging low cut pink flora body shirt, proudly showing off her figure of eight. She braces herself before she walks into the Crown. Her blond wig maintains its big curls that reach her sexy round bum. It makes her look totally different and unrecognisable, more like Dolly Parton than her usual Cheryl Cole pretty self. As predicted Richie and Mark are playing darts in the corner. She sits by the bar and orders a gin and tonic. After a few minutes and after staring and blinking at Richard for the last half an hour she walks past him to go to the toilet. She smiles at Richard as she passes by him and deliberately gets so closed that she almost touches his man hood. Richard gets very excited and wolf whistles and calls out “hi, you sexy beast. Where did you come from? Let me buy you a drink, darling. ”Laura smile but just walks straight to the toilet.

On the way back Richard is waiting for her with a gin and tonic. “Now you are going to accept this gin and tonic as none of us will drink it and it will be wasted,” stammered Richie, sounding like he is already drunk.

“Cool!!! So you have done your homework, then. I suppose I can accept it rather than waste it. What is your name? I am Laura”

“Me? I am Richie. This is Mark,” pointing to the other squatter. Laura had taken notes the last couple of day observing from the car outside the house. They are definitely the ones, especially Richie, she wants to meet tonight.

“Hi Laura, how come I have not seen you here before?”
“I just come back home from University for Christmas.”
“You come back to mum and dad for Christmas? Where do they live?”
“Not far from here. About 10 minutes walk.”
“Where do you guys live?”

Richie told Laura his life story about his parents living in Spain and him working as a builder. Mark was a green peace worker and has come down from Birmingham to London for the past 5 years. He was one of those people who go round saving trees.

“Actually we are squatting in this huge big Victorian 5 bedroom house across the road. Its real cool and we have lots of mates moving down from Birmingham, Newcastle and almost everywhere. Throughout the years of squatting we have made a circle of friends and we help each other out. So when we managed to get a house we get everybody round and sometimes we have so many people we just crashed out with as many as 4 people in each room. Of course the person who found the house gets to charge a small amount of dosh from each squatter.”

“Wow!! That is so trendy!!! I have never dared to squat. Are you not afraid? Are you not worried that the police, the law and the owner will cause trouble for you? I will be so scared I would be a rack of nerves!”
“I have been squatting for so long I really don’t know what is like paying rent.”
“Really, what is the best place you have squatted?” Laura was so please that Richie so willingly boasting about his squatting.
“Oh god, I have never really thought of that before. I supposed the three houses that I managed to break in at one time were in the very posh Millionaires row in Finchley. It is actually called the Millionaires Row as the houses there are so nice and posh. I actually went round there to suss the situation out. It was pure luck that I found those houses. I was called out to clear some drain from one of the houses; I think it was no 48. It has a jacucci , a green house and a drive way that can park 4 cars and still leaves room for a small Japanese garden and a willow tree and what looks like a tall tree with concuss. Oh and it had a double garage. I got friendly with this chick. She was nice she was. She was about 40ish, very sexy with jeans so tight you could see her toned muscles bulging. She was much tanned and you know her hair was bleached so much as the ends were fraying. She was still very much liked one of those famous chicks, what do you call them? Those famous chicks? I know.... Barbie dolls? Anyway,