When her pain is consuming - Chalen D. (fun books to read for adults txt) 📗

The wind blew my hair in every direction possible.

“I knew I’d find your ass here.” I turned at the voice.

“Jake!” I yelled, shoving the noose into my hoody. “What are you doing here!”

He helped me through the window and held me to him.

“The question is what are you doing here Scarlett? I move, then move back and here you’re no longer friends with everyone. What happened?”

I pulled back, pushing my hair out of my face. “They didn’t tell you?”

“Nope. They just kept saying ask her, ask her.”

“Oh.”

“So I’m asking you?” He probed.

“Oh right. Can we go somewhere else, please to talk? I don’t want to be in here.”

“Sure lead the way.” As I passed, Jake looked around the room one last time before following me.

I pushed open the door to my old room, and sat on the window bench. He sat across from me and took off his backpack, I didn’t notice until now.

“Before we began. We need snacks.”

I smiled. He gave me a bottle of coke, and pulled out a bag of sour gummy worms.

“Okay, go for it.”

“Okay, so Lately it’s just been hard you know? When someone dies you’re not supposed to shove it away, you have to deal with it.”

“Well I know that.”

“So do I. Well now anyways. So Beth was having problems at home, did she tell you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, so I would have her over so she wouldn’t have to deal with what was going on. I set my cup on the table and she saw.” I wasn’t able to look at his face.

“Saw what?”

“She saw Jake.”

“Your arm?”

I nodded. “She flipped out, and then told everyone that I was cutting again. Then everyone else freaked out.”

“They had no right to do that!” He said, anger filling his voice. “Don’t they know if you feel like you’re crazy you want to give up?”

“Since they freaked out I freaked out to. I said, well since everyone knows what’s wrong with me, that they should know that Cassie was starving herself again, Beth was cutting and Blake was gay. If I could take it back I would. What kind of friend am I to betray their trust? They all told me that in confidence and I just told everyone.” I wiped at the angry tears. “I hate myself for that.”

“You can’t hate yourself Scarlett.”

“And why not?”

“Because if you hate yourself, you won’t let anyone in to love you.”

“That’s fine.” I pulled my legs up. “I deserve to be not loved right now.”

“Everyone deserves to be loved and you know it. You made a mistake, just like they all did.”

“It’s all Beth’s fault. If she just kept her mouth shut for me like I did for her.” I said, looking out the window.

“None of this would be going on. Everything would be normal for us.”

“Sure everything would be normal but what about you? You would get worse.” I looked at him, “To be honest I want to die.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do.” I sniffed, looking right through him. “I don’t want to be here anymore. There’s just too much shit to deal with.”

“So fight back.”

“What’s the use?” I asked.“No one gets out alive of life anyways.”

“No, but you sure can give one hell of a fight.”

“I’m tired Jake.”

“Everyone gets tired Scarlett. That doesn’t give you a right to quit. You have to stand up, when everything’s crashing down. You’re the only person that can stand your ground for you.”

I bit off the blue part of a worm and looked at the pink part in my hand.

“You know I’m right Scarlett.”

“I know.” I muttered.

“So get up, and go talk to them.”

“You’re asking for too damn much.”

“Well can we at least go get something to eat I’m starving.”

“I don’t have any money.”

“My treat.” He stood up and held out his hand.

“Hold on.” I stood. “Why’d you come back?”

He sighed. “Eli told me too. He said, I was the only one you weren’t mad at so He sent me here to talk to you.”

“That’s just like him.” I crossed my arms.

“Come on.” He grabbed my hand.

“What are you doing?” I asked, as He pulled me to the door.

“I’m not letting you push me out.”

I sighed and let him pull me along. After he took me out to eat, we went to his aunt’s house. That’s where he was staying.

“Aunt Carol, This is Scarlett.”

“Hi Scarlett. Are you hungry?”

Aunt Carol was a pudgy little thing.

“We already ate.” Jake said, as I looked up at him. “We’re going to go upstairs.”

“Okay.”

“I want to show you something okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded.

He grabbed a big note book and began to write something down. I watched as the pencil moved across the paper. After a while he pushed a button on His computer.

“I want to show you something that I never showed anyone before okay?”

I nodded. A beat began to play and he nodded his head looking at the note book.

“Little girl about to turn seventeen says what’s the point? I just want to die anyways. Lost just about everyone who she’s ever loved to death, picked up that knife and never turned back. I deserved to be hated; she’s said a couple of times. She’s lost her light, and doesn’t want to fight, saying what’s the use in fighting for this life? Little girl about to turn seventeen broke my heart when she said this to me. With scars on her wrists and heart, she walks along numbly Praying for the day that she feels no more pain, but silently knows more pains going to come her way. She tried to die, once or twice, but a couple of friends saved her life.  She yelled she was so close, as her friends stood still, they never wanted to lose her this way. After I left she went downhill, started to cut again just for the thrill. Her friends flipped out so she ran and hid, she had so much pain, they just didn’t get it.”

“Jake!” Aunt Carol screamed.

Jake tossed the note book and ran for the door, with me on his heels.

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, to Aunt Carol who was on a chair.

“Kill it!” We looked to the wall where she pointed to a spider.

“Are you serious?” Jake asked.

“You yelled like you were getting killed for a bug?”

“Don’t just stand there! Kill it!” I said pointing to it.

“Oh for Christ.” Jake took off his shoe and slowly walked to the spider.

“Hurry up!” Aunt Carol said.

“I’m trying.” He said.

Jake smacked the wall, and then ran hiding behind me.

“Did I get it? Did I get it?” He asked.

“It’s going for Scarlett!” Aunt Carol said.

“The hell it is!” I ran up to it and stepped on it five times.

We all stood quiet looking at the dead spider.

“I think you killed it.” Aunt Carol said softly.

A shaggy dog came in from the bag doggy door, sniffed the spider and then flopped down by the door.  

“It’s dead.” I announced as we all relaxed.

Jake and I went back to his room.

“I didn’t know you did this kind of stuff.”

“Yeah. I don’t like to tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Come on Scarlett. The so called Emo kid rapping?”

“So? Show them that they’re wrong. Who cares what people think. If it’s something you love you got to go with it. If you have haters, that’s how you know you’re making a difference.”

He sighed and flopped on his back, shoving an arm behind his head.

“Hey Jake?” I asked, slowly sitting down.

“Yeah, Scarlett?”

“You know I’m okay right?”

“Of course I do.”

“So why’d you come back?”

“Cause I missed you guys.”

“So you didn’t come back to talk some sense into me?”

“Oh I’ll always do that. That’s what friends are for.”

“You’re still my friend?”

“Of course I am. Why do you ask?”

“Cause they’re not my friends.”

“I think they are.”

“They’re not. We decided to go different ways.”

“I leave for the summer and everything goes to shit.”

“It’s not your fault.”

I lay next to him.

“Sometimes life is just hard.”

“Yeah.” He muttered. “Too hard.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked sitting up on my side.

“I didn’t only come back because I missed everyone. I came back to get away.”

“From what?”

“From my family.”

“What happened?”

“They found out and then freaked out. They began to call me names, and laugh, only making it worse.”

I sat up all the way.

“What did they find out?”

He lifted up his shirt, and I saw cuts on his stomach. I rested my hand on the cuts and looked up at Him. “You should know that you’re not on your own.”

 “It sure feels like it though.” He muttered, putting his hand on mine.

“Together we’ll get through this somehow.” I nodded. “I promise Jake.”

He closed his eyes, trying not to cry. I knew the feeling. I rested my head on his shoulder, and we both lay quiet. For the next couple of days we spent it together. He vowed not to go back to school without me.

*

I pulled on a jacket as there was a knock on the door.

“Yeah.”

“I thought we could ride to school together.” He picked up a shirt from the lap on my desk. “What happened to your room?”

“Nothing.” I pulled on a shoe as I hopped. “Nothing Happened to it.”

“Anyways.” Jake carefully put the shirt back. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my bag. “We should take your car though. I’m low on gas.”

“Okay.”

I shut Jakes door and he walked over to me pulling on his jacket.

“You’re not changing your mind are you?”

“Huh?”

“You said we were in this together.”

“We are.” I slipped my arm through his. “I promised.”

We made a stop at his locker. He grabbed a bunch of empty note books and tossed them in a nearby trash can. I looked down the hall, leaning on a locker. Blake juggled note books as he tried to shut his locker. He dropped the note books.

“Nice one klutz.” Someone called.

Blake shut his locker, and walked down the hall leaving his note books.

“You should go talk to him.”

“You’ll be good?”

“Yeah.”

We hugged and I went after Blake. I bent down and scooped up the note books on the way. He was sitting on a bench in an empty hall way. Cassie was walking to him. I set the note books on the bench next to him. He looked up, and Sniffed. He saw it was me and looked back down. I turned and walked down the hall. Cassie and I glanced at each other and then continued on our way. I turned right and bumped into Beth.

“Sorry.” We muttered and hiked up our bags as we past each other.

I turned left and bumped into Eli. It was like revenge of the past. He grabbed my arms made sure I wasn’t going to fall and then went on his way. He didn’t say a word. At lunch they were sitting at the table. Jake punched Blake’s arm and then hugged Beth around the neck. They were all laughing. Jake looked up and waved me over. I quickly shook my head and then walked away. I sat down at an empty table and opened a salad. Someone sat down across from me.

“What?” I muttered.

“I need to talk to you.”

I looked up shocked at Blake. His cast was gone.

“Okay.”

“So I have this new therapist.” He began.

“Uh-huh.” I slowly nodded.

“And She’s weird. She actually wants me to talk about my problems. And get this. When I told her about my best friend, she told me I needed to not fight with her.”

“Well what does she know?” I asked, and he grinned at me. “She only has a degree.”

He grabbed my hand, “So anyways. I told her that there was no chance of us being friends again.”

“Like ever.” I agreed, turning my hand over so I could hold his. “And she said that if it was true friend ship that it would find its way back.”

“Well what does she know?”

We both stood up and hugged over the table.

“Don’t cry.” I laughed wiping his face.

“Who’s crying?” He wiped mine.

I stepped over the table, and he pulled me into a hug.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you.” I muttered.

“Yay!” Cassie ran over and hugged us both. “Best friends!”

We both laughed and pulled