When her pain is consuming - Chalen D. (fun books to read for adults txt) 📗

When her pain is consuming.

There were little C scabs on my palms from where I dug my nails into My palms too hard. I looked to the counter, where there was a knife, cuticle scissors, and Ayden’s blade. If only I could cut once more. Just to get the pain on the outside. The scar would remind me of a battle lost sure, but the pain would go away for the moment right? I looked down at My arms. The left arm had scars going across and the right one had one long one going up and down, from when I wanted to kill Myself. I picked up Aydens blade, brought it to a fresh spot on My left arm, and did what I know how to do best.

******

"Scarlett!" Cassie said, running to me and hugging Me. "I can't believe it's a new year!"

"Yeah. It seems like yesterday was the first day of tenth grade." I smiled.

"I know. Beth! Over Here!" She waved.

"Do My Eyes Deceive Me?"

I turned to see Blake. I smiled and walked over the wet grass to Him. His arm was in a cast from His last suicide attempt, But I still stood by My best friend. We hugged.

"So what do you have for classes?" I handed over My class list.

"Oh Cool, We have first, free class, and the class before lunch."

"Do you think we'll still sit in the same spot?" I picked at my nails.

"Yeah Why wouldn't We?"

"I don't know." I said looking at My nails. "Change is just something on my mind lately."

"Are you good?"

I gave Him a sad smile, "I'm good."

"I have a marker." He handed it over. "I wanted you to be the first one to sign my cast, you being my best friend and all."

I took the marker, and He held His neon green arm out to me. I signed it and capped the marker.

"There."

"Thanks." He said, taking the marker and craning His neck to see what I wrote.

"Me next!" Cassie jumped in front of Him, holding her hand out.

"Hey." Beth hugged Me.

"What's up. You okay?" I asked, moving my bangs away from my face and pulling down my long sleeves.

"Yeah." She smile nodded, but depression showed in her eyes. "My Dad got out."

We walked away from Cassie and Blake.

"Did Your Mom let Him move back in?"

Her Dad had to go to Rehab.

"Yeah, But it's constant fighting."

"You know if you want to get away, I'm right down the street."

"I'll remember that." She gave Me her best smile and hugged me again, Only this Time she didn't let go.

"Beth it's your turn- What's wrong?" Blake touched her arm.

"Nothing, I'm fine Blakey." she smiled, blinking back tears. "Where do I sign?"

As She sighed Cassie held out her hand and I gave her my class list. Someone Tickled Me from Behind. I turned to Eli, and His grin faded.

"What's wrong?" He muttered.

"It's Beth."

"Is She okay?"

"I don't know. She's strong, and will only talk to me. I'll try to get her to spend the night."

He kissed my forehead and pulled Me under His arm.

"Beth?"

She looked up with a grin from what Blake just said.

Eli smiled, "Hi."

"Hey!" She smiled, giving Him a hug.

"Alright you’re up Man." Blake said, holding up His arm, and the marker.

Eli grinned, and took the marker. I looked over at Beth. She smiled and Mouthed, I'll be just fine. That you will, I mouthed with a smile of my own.

"Okay! Eli let me see your classes. We all have art together, so you better have it with us to, or you got to get your classes moved." Cassie said, handing Me back my class list.

Eli fished his out of His pocket and handed it over as I pulled down My sleeves.

"You okay?" Eli asked.

"Who Me?" I asked, looking up at Him, and pointing to My chest.

He nodded slowly, eyeing Me with the blue gaze I loved.

"Yeah I'm good." I said, not looking at Him, when I said it.

"Whoo!" Cassie said, handing His class list back. "We all have first period together."

She shimmied herself between Eli and I and grabbed our arms and pulled Us in the direction of the art building. She was on a mission. Beth grabbed Onto Eli's arm, and I grabbed Blake’s.

"I have to go to My locker." Blake said.                                          

"Me too Dudes." Beth said.

We went left over the grassy Hill to the locker hall. We all went to our locker. I opened my locker and looked at the door. There was a picture, of me and My friends, Me My mom, and Kenna, and One of Me and Ayden. We were both sticking out our tongues with a rock on sign on the roof. I smiled, and grabbed My English book. I closed the door.

"I hope this year is better than last Year." Beth said, leaning on her locker.

"Me too." Cassie said shutting hers.

"It has to be. Right?" Blake asked, and We all looked to Eli for the answer.

"Of course it will be. It's a new year, which means we all got to stay positive in some way." He said.

"Let’s make a pact, No cutting, starving, or trying to kill yourself."

"You’re asking for too much." Beth said, slinging her bag over her arm, and heading down the hall.

"Yeah dude." Blake fell in behind her.

"Nice try thought." Cassie gave a thumbs up and followed them.

Eli looked at Me, and I smiled, with a shrug. He sighed and held out His hand. I quickly took it, and we walked down the hall after our friends.

*

"I know it's not My place to say anything," Blake said as we walked to the lunch room together, "But Beth's dad is back."

"Huh?" I looked at Him. "How do you know that?"

"I looked out my window this morning. Her Mom and Dad where on the porch yelling at each other, and Beth, was running down the lawn covering her ears."

"Poor Beth."

"I know. She's got it bad."

"I'm going to try to get her to spend the night. What do you think?" I asked, looking at Him for His response.

"Who knows." He shrugged, "Maybe a little girl time is something She needs. But just you and her time you know? I don't think She trust's Cassie yet, and that girl really needs a venting session."

"Yeah." I nodded as We walked through the doors. "I just feel bad for her some times."

"Everyone in the group does." He said, as We got into line.

"Yeah, But we have people in the house we can talk to. She doesn't."

"I don't." He sniffed a salad then tossed it back on the lunch bar.

"Oh yes you do. You just chose to not talk."

"And with good reason." He pointed out looking down at me.

"Yeah." I nodded, picking up a burrito.

He took the burrito and put it back then gave me a slice of pizza. I set the pizza on my tray and we walked down the bar.

"So what did your Therapist say about the last attempt?"

"You know." He said, standing on His toes to get a bag of chips from the back. "The same old 'How does that make you feel?' bull crap. You want one?" He asked eye brows raised the chips held out to Me.

I nodded and He set them on my tray. He grabbed another and we moved to the soda section.

"Maybe we wanting to kill ourselves doesn't mean we're crazy. Maybe it just means we want all the pain to end, and that's the only way we know how to make it stop."

He gave me a sad smile, as He set a Root beer on my tray.

"I mean, it is selfish."

"How so?" He asked, taking an orange crush for Himself.

"Your taking yourself away from people that love you. You’re putting them through Pain you wouldn't want to go through if the situation was reversed."

"Yeah, but what if there's no one that loves the person? Ever think of that?"

"There has to be at least one person that cares about you, or else you wouldn't be alive. I mean, you care about me right?"

"Of course I do!" He said appalled, "How dare you think any different." He smacked me with a spork set.

The last day of school Blake came out of the closet to me. He told Eli to, because He didn't want Eli to think something was up.

"I'm just saying Blake. I care about you."

"You better." He muttered, looking at an expiration date on chocolate milk. "What does this say?" I jumped back so I wouldn't get milk sack smacked.

"Sorry!" He laughed, shaking the milk. "What does it say?"

I looked at it. "It's fine." I set one on my tray. "And where's your glasses?"

"Well I went to watch TV, but I couldn't find them, so I decided to watch TV anyway, and when I sat down, I broke them, Stop laughing Scarlett." He said, trying to not laugh.

"I'm sorry, " I tried to control it.

We looked at each other and lost it.

"Next!" The lady said.

"Mmm." We said, face scrunched up looking at each other.

We laughed again and went through the line.

"She needs to take a chill pill."

"Honey, A whole bottle of chill pills wouldn't do shit. She needs to get her ass laid."

We laughed and looked back at the lady. She gave us a dirty look.

I gasped, "Make it a thick one."

We laughed and walked to the normal table, it was bare, and covered in brown leaves.

"Oh No!" I looked at Blake. "What if they aren't sitting here anymore?"

"Relax Scarlett. They're on the other side of the school."

Cassie and Beth laughed as they rounded the corner. Eli rounded the other corner eyes on His tray as He listened to His IPod.

"See?" Blake smiled and sat down.

We all sat down and talked about who was in our classes, and the annoying new teacher in Drama, and The hot sub that took over for Math. The boys went to buy Ice pops, when we talked about the sub. After Sixth period Beth was stepping off the curb in the student parking lot.

"Beth!" I yelled.

She whipped around, and I ran over to her.

"So what do you say? Do you want to get a peppermint hot coco and come over to My house?"

"That sounds nice."

We got a hot coco and went into my room.

"Sorry about the mess, I was kind of excited for school So I didn't clean- I turned to see the tears on her face. "Honey what's wrong?" I set my cup on the desk.

"It's really bad Scareltt."

"Tell me about it." I took her hand and led her to my bed.

"She let him come back, but she won't let the past go. She told Him he was worth less, and when I told her that she was going too far she turned on me. She said I was worthless, and she couldn't wait til' I was eighteen so she could Kick Me out. Scarlet, I love My Mom and that killed me. I even did this!" She tugged Up her sleeve, and plopped her wrist in My hand.

I looked down at Three fresh cuts.

"I don't want to die Scareltt tell Me what to do!" She began to sob.

I know you’re not supposed to pull someone into a hug unless they want it, but I pulled her into one and held Her.

"Who's someone you Love?" I asked as We pulled back.

"You." She sniffed, wiping her nose on Her sleeve.

"Now look at your wrist-" She shook her head, "-Do it Beth."

She did.

"Now pretend it's my wrist. Are you pretending?"

She nodded, and sniffed.

"Now would you cut My wrist?"

"Of course I wouldn't cut you!" She looked at Me.

I smiled, "There. You found your reason for quitting. Just think of someone you love, and ask would I cut their wrist?"

She nodded, "That helps."

"I'm proud of you Beth."

"For what?" She was confused.

"You survived another day. You didn't give in. The hardest part of living is taking breaths to stay."

She