If: A Play in Four Acts by Lord Dunsany (uplifting books for women .txt) 📗

JOHN

I—I don't like to.

LIZA

You just give it to me. I tell you it's doing you no good. I know all about them mascots. Give it me.

JOHN

Well, I'll give it you. You're the first woman that's been kind to me since ... I'm on my beam ends.

[Face in hands—tears.]

LIZA

There, there. I'm going to smash it, I am. These mascots! One's better without 'em. Your luck'll turn, never fear. And you've a nice supper coming.

[She puts it in a corner of the mantelpiece and hammers it. It smashes.

The photographs of the four children change slightly. The Colonel gives place to Aunt Martha. The green sofa turns red. JOHN's clothes become neat and tidy. The hammer in LIZA's hand turns to a feather duster. Nothing else changes.]

A VOICE [off, in agony]

Allah! Allah! Allah!

LIZA

Some foreign gentleman must have hurt himself.

JOHN

H'm. Sounds like it... Liza.

[LIZA, dusting the photographs on the wall, just behind the corner of the mantelpiece.]

LIZA

Funny. Thought I—thought I 'ad a hammer in my hand.

JOHN

Really, Liza, I often think you have. You really should be more careful. Only—only yesterday you broke the glass of Miss Jane's photograph.

LIZA

Thought it was a hammer.

JOHN

Really, I think it sometimes is. It's a mistake you make too often, Liza. You—you must be more careful.

LIZA

Very well, sir. Funny my thinking I 'ad an 'ammer in my 'and, though.

[She goes to tidy the little supper table. Enter MARY with food on a plate.]

MARY

I've brought you your supper, John.

JOHN

Thanks, Mary. I—I think I must have taken a nap.

MARY

Did you, dear? Thanks, Liza. Run along to bed now, Liza. Good gracious, it's half-past eleven.

[MARY makes final arrangements of supper table.]

LIZA

Thank you, mum.

[Exit ]

JOHN

Mary.

MARY

Yes, John.

JOHN

I—I thought I'd caught that train.

Curtain