If: A Play in Four Acts by Lord Dunsany (uplifting books for women .txt) 📗

do you? But would you mind opening it for me?

MAN IN THE CORNER

I'd much rather it was shut, if you don't mind.

[She sighs, moves her hands slightly, and her pretty face expresses the resignation of the Christian martyr in the presence of lions. This for the benefit of John.]

JOHN

Allow me, madam.

[He leans across the window's rightful owner, a bigger man than he, and opens his window.

MAN IN THE CORNER shrugs his shoulders and, quite sensibly, turns to his paper.]

MIRALDA

O, thank you so much.

JOHN

Don't mention it.

[Silence again.]

VOICES OF PORTERS [Off]

Fan Kar, Fan Kar.

[MAN IN THE CORNER gets out.]

MIRALDA

Could you tell me where this is?

JOHN

Yes. Elephant and Castle.

MIRALDA

Thank you so much. It was kind of you to protect me from that horrid man. He wanted to suffocate me.

JOHN

O, very glad to assist you, I'm sure. Very glad.

MIRALDA

I should have been afraid to have done it in spite of him. It was splendid of you.

JOHN

O, that was nothing.

MIRALDA

O, it was, really.

JOHN

Only too glad to help you in any little way.

MIRALDA

It was so kind of you.

JOHN

O, not at all.

[Silence for a bit.]

MIRALDA

I've nobody to help me.

JOHN

Er, er, haven't you really?

MIRALDA

No, nobody.

JOHN

I'd be very glad to help you in any little way.

MIRALDA

I wonder if you could advise me.

JOHN

I—I'd do my best.

MIRALDA

You see, I have nobody to advise me.

JOHN

No, of course not.

MIRALDA

I live with my aunt, and she doesn't understand. I've no father or mother.

JOHN

O, er, er, really?

MIRALDA

No. And an uncle died and he left me a hundred thousand pounds.

JOHN

Really?

MIRALDA

Yes. He didn't like me. I think he did it out of contrariness as much as anything. He was always like that to me.

JOHN

Was he? Was he really?

MIRALDA

Yes. It was invested at twenty-five per cent. He never liked me. Thought I was too—I don't know what.

JOHN

No.

MIRALDA

That was five years ago, and I've never got a penny of it.

JOHN

Really. But, but that's not right.

MIRALDA [sadly]

No.

JOHN

Where's it invested?

MIRALDA

In Al Shaldomir.

JOHN

Where's that?

MIRALDA

I don't quite know. I never was good at geography. I never quite knew where Persia ends.

JOHN

And what kind of an investment was it?

MIRALDA

There's a pass in some mountains that they can get camels over, and a huge toll is levied on everything that goes by; that is the custom of the tribe that lives there, and I believe the toll is regularly collected.

JOHN

And who gets it?

MIRALDA

The chief of the tribe. He is called Ben Hussein. But my uncle lent him all this money, and the toll on the camels was what they call the security. They always carry gold and turquoise, you know.

JOHN

Do they?

MIRALDA

Yes, they get it from the rivers.

JOHN

I see.

MIRALDA

It does seem a shame his not paying, doesn't it?

JOHN

A shame? I should think it is. An awful shame. Why, it's a crying