Traffic Jam - Martin "Tater" Boring (read me a book .txt) 📗

......... Traffic Jam ...........

Our family farm was right beside Haggard Mountain …. Right off the Face of What was Known as Wildcat Knob ….. We musta owned Ninety Acres with about seventy of it going straight up on the wall of that mountain….
Now that ain’t good for farming ... but I’m sure it was wondrous for an old moonshiner like Baez, who originally built the place...
We lived off of Highway 60 up in the North Georgia mountains. We dittin know it was called highway 60 back then, … we just knew it as the main road cause it was a two laner and it was long and straight, …for a mountain road that is…. Not like the road our house was on ...Collard Valley Road … It was a single lane dirt road cut out of a heavily Wooded area that wound and curved its way downward into Collard Valley and then back up to the main road. I reckon if ya could roll it out straight it would cover about seven miles.
You never had to worry about two cars being on it at the same time back then except for when the folks were headed to church on Sunday and Even then at least they were all headed in the same direction….
However If there ever happened to be two cars on it at the same time it was an unwritten rule that the car travelin uphill would get off of the road as soon as possible, …. That always made sense to me cause… what If the car headed downhill brakes had gone out? ….
I wasn’t around at the time but I did hear a story of one major traffic jam that effected all of Collard Valley …..
It happened in the early 40’s when Mr Haggard was headin to town and he was headed uphill …..
Clayburn Hickman was comin back from places unknown and he was comin in a hurry!.....
Mr Haggard was the Kind of fellow that thought he owned that mountain and everything that surrounded it including the road, …well frankly his family did own Most of that mountain ….. hence the name .. Haggard Mountain :-s … but he Dittin have to go around bein so snotty about it…. on this day ….. he was about to get a valuble lesson :-) …. and Clayburn? Well he was In a Hurry! …..
Back then they hardly Ever had any traffic problems like we do these days mainly because there were very few cars,.. and you could pretty much classify Everybody as a “Sunday” driver at anytime of the week …. it was just a slower pace and the world wasn’t in a rush like ya have these days …..
Unless of course you were coming back from a “shine” run and ya had Just lost a trooper back down the main hwy when he had slid off the road …. Such as the Clayburn had jus done this particular day …….
Haggard had seen the Pickup coming toward him but he wasn’t Budgin … wasn’t much place for him to go no ways ……
Clayburn was more concerned with what was behind him than he was with what was in front of him … he was watching his rearview mirror ……………..
Now I Imagine the Folks that tuned into WKRO that morning heard sumtin like this …….. Kchhkchhhkchhhh …. (That’s radio Crackle if ya got confused) Kkchhhkchhh “This just in from the North Tower Folks … Briscoe is a reportin that Two fellers just had themselves a Two Car COoohlisION! …. They done blocked up the south end of Collard Valley road … as yall know … a gulley washer took out the north end bridge over Crippletoe last month … so to All you commuters headin in to Dahlonega for the Hootin Annie Hog Hollarin contest this Weekend …. You might as well jus turn out the lights an head on back to bed and get You sum extra shuteye … Coz’ yall ain’t Goin Nowhere! ….. you’re listenin to Bubba Ray on W K R O … The Crow! ….
And to those of yall that can … You get on down to Huberts … Maters & Waders Groceries N Bait store where you can get The finest fresh grown veggies and Fishin’ Tackle N Bait …. Tell em Bubba Sent ya!” ……………
Well One thing was for sure … Bubba Was Right! … Them fellars had themselves One Heck of a Cooohllision! …..
They musta said their prayers that week to not have been hurt worse than they were … They both got their share of knocks and bruises, but nothing that kept them from getting out and cussin and spittin at one other…..
Not only were both their vehicles destroyed into a mangled mess,… but in the process they took down nearly a dozen trees … Mamma said it looked like the Devil was playing Pixie stix …..
One of Clayburns tires managed to find its way into the Baily’s yard a half a mile away,.. where Bernadine filled it with dirt and planted some Black Eyed Susie’s in it,.. startin’ a Whole new tradition in the South….
The rest of it was such a mess that If there had been a Tow truck within 150 miles … it couldn’t have gotten to it with all the trees down …
That road stayed Jammed up for five days! … church was cancelled that weekend … if people had known in advance what was gonna happen … there would have been lines at the grocery store buying Milk, bread and Water! …. I reckon the Jam musta impeded the moonshine business cause on the fifth night someone went in and cut a new path bypassing the wreck …. After that everything went back to normal and nobody ever did get back to clean up that wreck … It wound up becoming a favorite playground for the kids nearby … that is until the Kudzu swallowed it all up… many parts of those vehicles wound up scavenged and found there way into some of those stills scattered throughout the hills.....
Clayburns wife was about to put a popknot on the side of his head when she asked him just where he was coming from …. Well he told her in his still woozy slurred speech that he was off with some “Shiners like he mentioned” … but she misheard him and thought he said he was off at the Shriners Convention …. Then she felt guilty for berating him cause everybody knows those Shriners do such kind things for the community …… Word got out and every year after that a large contingent of the collard valley men would head off to the “Shriners Convention” (wink) at Least once a year :-)

Text: Story Idea, Characters, Concept, Property of Martin and Boring please do not print or copy without permission
Publication Date: 02-21-2011

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