Family Happiness - Leo Nikoleyevich Tolstoy (classic books for 10 year olds .txt) 📗
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world, the possessor of all possible virtues; and I strove to be that woman
in the opinion of the first and best of men.
He came to my room one day while I was praying. I looked round at him and
went on with my prayers. Not wishing to interrupt me, he sat down at a table
and opened a book. But I thought he was looking at me and looked round
myself. He smiled, I laughed, and had to stop my prayers.
“Have you prayed already?” I asked.
“Yes. But you go; I’ll go away.”
“You do say your prayers, I hope?”
He made no answer and was about to leave the room when I stopped him.
“Darling, for my sake, please repeat the prayers with me!” He stood up
beside me, dropped his arms awkwardly, and began, with a serious face and
some hesitation. Occasionally he turned towards me, seeking signs of
approval and aid in my face.
When he came to an end, I laughed and embraced him.
“I feel just as if I were ten! And you do it all!” he said, blushing and
kissing my hands.
Our house was one of those old-fashioned country houses in which several
generations have passed their lives together under one roof, respecting and
loving one another. It was all redolent of good sound family traditions,
which as soon as I entered it seemed to become mine too. The management of
the household was carried on by Tatyana Semyonovna, my mother-in-law, on
old-fashioned lines. Of grace and beauty there was not much; but, from the
servants down to the furniture and food, there was abundance of everything,
and a general cleanliness, solidity, and order, which inspired respect. The
drawing room furniture was arranged symmetrically; there were portraits on
the walls, and the floor was covered with home-made carpets and mats. In the
morning-room there was an old piano, with chiffoniers of two different
patterns, sofas, and little carved tables with bronze ornaments. My sitting
room, specially arranged by Tatyana Semyonovna, contained the best furniture
in the house, of many styles and periods, including an old pierglass, which
I was frightened to look into at first, but came to value as an old friend.
Though Tatyana Semyonovna’s voice was never heard, the whole household went
like a clock. The number of servants was far too large (they all wore soft
boots with no heels, because Tatyana Semyonovna had an intense dislike for
stamping heels and creaking soles); but they all seemed proud of their
calling, trembled before their old mistress, treated my husband and me with
an affectionate air of patronage, and performed their duties, to all
appearance, with extreme satisfaction. Every Saturday the floors were
scoured and the carpets beaten without fail; on the first of every month
there was a religious service in the house and holy water was sprinkled; on
Tatyana Semyonovna’s name day and on her son’s (and on mine too, beginning
from that autumn) an entertainment was regularly provided for the whole
neighborhood. and all this had gone on without a break ever since the
beginning of Tatyana Semyonovna’s life.
My husband took no part in the household management, he attended only to the
farm-work and the laborers, and gave much time to this. Even in winter he
got up so early that I often woke to find him gone. He generally came back
for early tea, which we drank alone together; and at that time, when the
worries and vexations of the farm were over, he was almost always in that
state of high spirits which we called “wild ecstasy”. I often made him tell
me what he had been doing in the morning, and he gave such absurd accounts
that we both laughed till we cried. Sometimes I insisted on a serious
account, and he gave it, restraining a smile. I watched his eyes and moving
lips and took nothing in: the sight of him and the sound of his voice was
pleasure enough.
“Well, what have I been saying? repeat it,” he would sometimes say. But I
could repeat nothing. It seemed so absurd that he should talk to me of any
other subject than ourselves. As if it mattered in the least what went on in
the world outside! It was at a much later time that I began to some extent
to understand and take an interest in his occupations. Tatyana Semyonovna
never appeared before dinner: she breakfasted alone and said good morning to
us by deputy. In our exclusive little world of frantic happiness a voice
form the staid orderly region in which she dwelt was quite startling: I
often lost self-control and could only laugh without speaking, when the maid
stood before me with folded hands and made her formal report: “The mistress
bade me inquire how you slept after your walk yesterday evening; and about
her I was to report that she had pain in her side all night, and a stupid
dog barked in the village and kept her awake; and also I was to ask how you
liked the bread this morning, and to tell you that it was not Taras who
baked today, but Nikolashka who was trying his hand for the first time; and
she says his baking is not at all bad, especially the cracknesl: but the
tea-rusks were over-baked.” Before dinner we saw little of each other: he
wrote or went out again while I played the piano or read; but at four
o’clock we all met in the drawing room before dinner. Tatyana Semyonovna
sailed out of her own room, and certain poor and pious maiden ladies, of
whom there were always two or three living in the house, made their
appearance also. Every day without fail my husband by old habit offered his
arm to his mother, to take her in to dinner; but she insisted that I should
take the other, so that every day, without fail, we stuck in the doors and
got in each other’s way. She also presided at dinner, where the
conversation, if rather solemn, was polite and sensible. The commonplace
talk between my husband and me was a pleasant interruption to the formality
of those entertainments. Sometimes there were squabbles between mother and
son and they bantered one another; and I especially enjoyed the scenes,
because they were the best proof of the strong and tender love which united
the two. after dinner Tatyana Semyonovna went to the parlor, where she sat
in an armchair and ground her snuff or cut the leaves of new books, while we
read aloud or went off to the piano in the morning room. We read much
together at this time, but music was our favorite and best enjoyment, always
evoking fresh chords in our hearts and as it were revealing each afresh to
the other. While I played his favorite pieces, he sat on a distant sofa
where I could hardly see him. He was ashamed to betray the impression
produced on him by the music; but often, when he was not expecting it, I
rose from the piano, went up to him, and tried to detect on his face signs
of emotion — the unnatural brightness and moistness of the eyes, which he
tried in vain to conceal. Tatyana Semyonovna, though she often wanted to
take a look at us there, was also anxious to put no constraint upon us. So
she always passed through the room with an air of indifference and a
pretence of being busy; but I knew that she had no real reason for going to
her room and returning so soon. In the evening I poured out tea in the large
drawing room, and all the household met again. This solemn ceremony of
distributing cups and glasses before the solemnly shining samovar made me
nervous for a long time. I felt myself still unworthy of such a distinction,
too young and frivolous to turn the tap of such a big samovar, to put
glasses on Nikita’s salver, saying “For Peter Ivanovich”, “For Marya
Minichna”, to ask “Is it sweet enough?” and to leave out limps of sugar for
Nurse and other deserving persons. “Capital! capital! Just like a grown-up
person!” was a frequent comment from my husband, which only increased my
confusion.
After tea Tatyana Semyonovna played patience or listened to Marya Minichna
telling fortunes by the cards. Then she kissed us both and signed us with
the cross, and we went off to our own rooms. But we generally sat up
together till midnight, and that was our best and pleasantest time. He told
me stories of his past life; we made plans and sometimes even talked
philosophy; but we tried always to speak low, for fear we should be heard
upstairs and reported to Tatyana Semyonovna, who insisted on our going to
bed early. Sometimes we grew hungry; and then we stole off to the pantry,
secured a cold supper by the good offices of Nikita, and ate it in my
sitting room by the light of one candle. He and I lived like strangers in
that big old house, where the uncompromising spirit of the past and of
Tatyana Semyonovna ruled supreme. Not she only, but the servants, the old
ladies, the furniture, even the pictures, inspired me with respect and a
little alarm, and made me feel that he and I were a little out of place in
that house and must always be very careful and cautious in our doings.
Thinking it over now, I see that many things — the pressure of that
unvarying routine, and that crowd of idle and inquisitive servants — were
uncomfortable and oppressive; but at the time that very constraint made our
love for one another still keener. Not I only, but he also, never grumbled
openly at anything; on the contrary he shut his eyes to what was amiss.
Dmitriy Sidorov, one of the footmen, was a great smoker; and regularly every
day, when we two were in the morning room after dinner, he went to my
husband’s study to take tobacco from the jar; and it was a sight to see
Sergey Mikhaylych creeping on tiptoe to me with a face between delight and
terror, and a wink and a warning forefinger, while he pointed at Dmitriy
Sidorov, who was quite unconscious of being watched. Then, when Dmitriy
Sidorov had gone away without having seen us, in his joy that all had passed
off successfully, he declared (as he did on every other occasion) that I was
a darling, and kissed me. At times his calm connivance and apparent
indifference to everything annoyed me, and I took it for weakness, never
noticing that I acted in the same way myself. “It’s like a child who dares
not show his will,” I thought.
“My dear! my dear!” he said once when I told him that his weakness surprised
me; “how can a man, as happy as I am, be dissatisfied with anything? Better
to give way myself than to put compulsion on others; of that I have long
been convinced. There is no condition in which one cannot be happy; but our
life is such bliss! I simply cannot be angry; to me now nothing seems bad,
but only pitiful and amusing. Above all — le mieux est l’ennemi du bien.
Will you believe it, when I hear a ring at the bell, or receive a letter, or
even wake up in the morning, I’m frightened. Life must go on, something may
change; and nothing can be better than the present.”
I believed him but did not understand him. I was happy; but I took that as a
matter of course, the invariable experience of people in our position,
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