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ear hustling and a few were staring lustfully at my oldest son. I didn’t have time to gloat or even feel good. I needed him to pick up what I was putting down.

“Protect me from who?”

“ME” I shouted. One of the C.O’s tapped his night stick against the table indicating I was breaking one of the rules. For a moment there was silence and I never felt more like hiding under a rock than in this moment. His green eyes studied my face like he was making a mental picture. This was it and I knew he would never come back. He had his answers whether he wanted to hear them or not. Now I would be left with all of the hurt to dwell on for the rest of my life. He took a deep breath and stood up. An officer came over to the table and he let him know he wanted to leave.

I felt rage building up inside of me and before I knew it I was screaming at him.

“You selfish bastard, why the fuck would you come here to torture me?” Two correctional officers rushed over grabbing me by the arms.

“Why the fuck did you come? YOU act just like your FATHER.” I felt my feet kicked from under me and my face hit the cold, hard linoleum floors as they cuffed me.

“Wait, Your HURTING ME” I shouted to the officer with his knee in my back.

“Calm down Ms. Starz” Another C.O made the other inmates’ line up against the wall with their hands on their heads in the midst of my commotion. Raheim turned to look at me, shaking his head before he was escorted out of the building and it was just like watching Carlos’ smug ass laugh at me all over again.

 

                                                           Raheim Starz

            I used to think people who said they needed closure were a bunch of sucka’s but after leaving Janet’s crazy ass back in the visiting room I realized it was important. I needed to ask her that question face to face so I could see her answer. I almost felt sorry for her until I saw her acting all crazy. I didn’t mean shit to her and I needed to come to grips with that. I didn’t tell Amir I was coming because I wanted to talk to her on my own. I didn’t need him there when I said what I had to say. When I reached my rental in the prison parking lot I sat behind the wheel for a few minutes thinking. Unexpected tears welled in my eyes and I cried for the first time since I was a kid. I didn’t give a damn who was watching me. I thought seeing Janet would be different or that she would hug me and apologize.

“Cut the weak shit Raheim” I shook myself, wiping my eyes with the back of my shirt sleeve. It’s time to walk away and never look back. I turned the radio on and blasted the volume, I didn’t want to think about Janet, Amir, Carlos and I damn sure didn’t want to think about the kid I use to be. I felt my cell vibrating in my pants pocket reminding me to turn it back on. Felicia’s name popped up on the screen making me smile. I turned the volume down before answering.

“Rah?” “Hey girl, what’s up?” I forced myself to sound happy as I headed out of the prison parking lot onto a tree lined road.

“My passport came today, I had it expedited cause I didn’t know when you wanted to leave”

“Good, cause I swear I’m tired of Philly, Let’s leave tomorrow” I could hear the excitement in her voice when she yelled

“OK”

I was going to Jamaica and I could leave all of my drama back in the city streets of Philadelphia. I went back to my apartment to get a carryon bag. I told Felicia to pack light, only enough clothes for one bag to eliminate suspicion. Two black people going out of town with no luggage didn’t look right to me. I already notified Maya and Alexis that I would be away for a while. I trusted them but knew anything could go wrong at any minute. All of my connections paid me directly and I wired funds into both girls’ accounts. There wouldn’t be any problems on my end. I made sure of that and I had enough info on each of my corporate connections to guarantee loyalty. I would have to drop off a few stacks to my aunt Sadie to keep her covered for a few weeks. After my uncle died I knew she wouldn’t be able to survive on those little ass social security checks.

            Amir wasn’t talking to me and I really didn’t care but I loved my brother so I sent him a text letting him know he could call me if he needed anything. I couldn’t wait to get on the plane to Jamaica with my girl Felicia. I swear I planned on forgetting where I came from the minute my foot hit the island. On my way to my aunt’s I decided to do a quick stop over my man Dre’s crib on Woodland Ave. The streets looked dirtier every time I drove through. Before I could knock on the door it swung open. Dre’s face softened from a death stare.

“Yo hurry up and step inside” I looked over my shoulder when I noticed his hand touching the butt of his gun.

“What’s up? Why you so paranoid?” Candy appeared in the doorway wearing more clothes than I’ve ever seen her in.

“Dre got some bad news yesterday and now he thinks everybody out to get him.” She smirked and walked back into the kitchen.

His two front men stood watch by the door and the windows.

“My boy Tony told me that he heard about your Escalade from a chick who knows his girl”

My heart started racing, finally I would have a clue.

“And?”

“His girl said you may want to watch your ass. Somebody got a hit out on you and this time they coming hard”

“Yo, what the fuck is happening? I swear this is some real twilight zone shit. I don’t know who got beef or what the hell this shit is about but it don’t matter I’m out tomorrow morning” For a moment I saw Dre’s face change. I knew he thought I was a coward but I didn’t give a damn, I’m not built for all this thug shit.

“Yo man I need you to be safe and call me when you get to where you’re going.” We did our usual handshake before I rolled out. This time I watched the streets more carefully, everyone was a potential suspect including the innocent looking old lady crossing the street. I bobbed in and out of traffic taking the long route to my aunt’s house. The door was unlocked like usual but this time my aunt was upstairs in her bedroom. I knocked twice before she answered.

“Amir?”

“No it’s Raheim, listen I’m going out of town for a few weeks so I wanted to stop by with a few dollars” She opened her bedroom door with her hair in rollers.

“Where you going?” the only time she put rollers in her hair was when she planned on going out with Ms. Val.

“My man died two years ago” she remarked before walking back over to her vanity. I slid a thick envelope between her jewelry box and her makeup bag.

“Me and Val are going out since you need to be in my business. Where are you going is the question” She stopped for a moment to look at my reflection in her mirror.

“I’m taking Felicia to Jamaica; I need to get away for a bit, clear my head you know?”

“Who is Felicia? She must be something else anytime your ass is paying for a trip” she smirked and for a moment I saw her freeze.

“What happened?”

“Nothing you looked like your father for a minute, I’m sorry, well you enjoy yourself and be careful.” For the first time I realized that Janet took something from my aunt Sadie and that was her brother. That made me angrier, but life goes on right?

I kissed my aunt on her forehead

“I love you and soon as I get to Jamaica you’ll be the first person I dial”

“Listen, Raheim before you go I want you to know that I couldn’t have asked God for a better son than you, I love you too even though you ain’t taking me to Jamaica” she tried to lighten the mood with a joke.

“Don’t worry when I come back we can go anywhere you want” She giggled and swatted me out of her room. I loved making Sadie smile cause she damn sure deserved it. 

Jamaica

Raheim insisted we sleep in a hotel close to the airport and I was too excited to argue. I slept through the four hour flight because I knew that taking pills was out of the question. I hated airplanes and the sick feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach during takeoff almost had me ready to confess. The plane landed at the Sangster International airport in Montego Bay and I swallowed hard as nausea tried to consume me. Rah looked sexy as hell in a pair of blue jeans, an off white Georgio Armani button down and camel colored Ferrini Alligator shoes. I pretended we were an actual couple as he put his hand on the small of my back walking off the plane.

            “Welcome to Jamaica mon, gud to see ya gin” A tall, thin older Jamaican wearing plain brown khaki’s and a gray polo shirt reached out his hand to Raheim. He grabbed for my bag and started escorting us to a classic white van.

“That’s Lucius, he’s the chauffeur so if you want to go somewhere let him know” Raheim whispered in my ear. I took a moment to take in everything around me. I’ve never been out of the country and Jamaica was always on the top of my must do list. Green was everywhere, the tall trees seemed happier here than in the ghettos of Philadelphia. The sky seemed bluer and the birds sang louder. I just knew I was in heaven with a green eyed angel. I took out my cellphone and started snapping pictures at everything. Chanel and Beverly would be jealous when I called later tonight. When the loud roar of the van’s engine started I stopped myself from jerking forward. In one easy movement Raheim lifted his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him.

“I’m glad I came” I whispered into his chest and he whispered

“I’m glad I asked” into my hair. If people could die from being too happy I was sure my time was soon to be up. Now if I can only manage to hide my pregnancy for the next few weeks we’d be all good. I thought we would be headed to a hotel or resort but the van kept going down a long, dirt path with tall trees on each side.

“Where we goin?” I looked up at Rah with an undeniable question mark on my face.

“You’ll see, sit back and stop

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