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that I really loved him. The officer gently pushed me into the small concrete room with no furnisher except for a toilet.

“Slide your hands through the bars.” She instructed and I followed so she could unlock my cuffs.

“You can’t go around acting like that, it gets you in trouble”

“Don’t tell me what the fuck I can do; I’m grown, GROWN muthafucka. I need to get OUT OF HERE” I screamed at the tiny officer holding my cuffs and her keys in one hand.

“And how you plan on doing that if you can’t even talk to people?” Her words sliced me sharper than any knife. She was right I couldn’t leave if I was acting like a damn fool. I hated being alone in the dark with my thoughts and tonight would be especially hard. I would only have pictures of Raheim flowing in and out of my mind. He brought back memories of being in love and how happy I was to see the baby with his daddy’s green eyes. I had the prettiest baby in the world and I was sure Carlos would be happy to have a son that looked like him. He came around for a while and filled my head with dreams of being a family. He proudly showed off Raheim to all of his friends and family members. He was a proud dad all the way up until I started telling him I needed him to watch the baby while I went back to school. Then he played the disappearing act, stepping out to see my arch enemy Gianni. He knew I hated her ass and he still went after her. I hated not being on top but I was determined to keep my man. I gave him another son but by then it didn’t matter I was sure pussy. The baby mama he knew he could fuck when he wanted to. He came and went when he pleased, finding new project broads to freak. Everybody wanted a piece and soon I was a fading part of history.

            I remembered the night I kicked Raheim out like it was yesterday. The night before Carlos called to make sure I would be home so he could stop by. I left my back door unlocked for him like I always did and he slid on through close to midnight. Raheim thought he was old enough to wait up to see his dad but I wanted him all to myself. Rah’s stubborn ass refused to sleep until Carlos came over and gave his dad a hug when he walked in. Carlos looked at me with a relieved expression that I would never forget, like Raheim saved him from something.

“Hey little man; why you still up?”

“Cause I wanted to say goodnight”

“Well, goodnight. Remember to wake up early cause I’m coming to take you and your brotha to church tomorrow” He squeezed him on the shoulder and nudged him in the direction of the stairs. I remembered feeling jealous that he gave him that much attention but I played it cool cause I just knew he was coming to break me off.

“Baby you know I missed you” I whined in his ear like a bitch and tried to kiss him before I noticed how far he backed up.

“Janet, I came here to tell you that I won’t be coming here no more. Unless it’s about my kids please don’t call me. I got a new girl and I don’t wanna fuck shit up you know?”

“Oh you got a new girl huh? Who the fuck is it Gianni? Who? WHO Carlos? Or is it that bum bitch from 52nd street?”

“Don’t worry about who she is” those were the last words I heard him speak until the following night. When Raheim woke up the next morning acting all happy to see his dad I tried to contain myself. I felt my legs walk into the kitchen ready to pull a knife from the drawer. I felt like hurting him for looking like the bastard who just broke my heart. Raheim didn’t know that I had a knife in my hands when I told him to get out. I sent him away to save his life because I knew I was on the brink of crazy and it was no turning back. I hated the idea of him leaving me for someone else. I hated feeling like I was the loser to the finest prize in Philly and I knew then that if he made one slip I would end his sorry life and make him regret the day he fucked me over.

                                                            *********************

Jamaican Me Crazy

Six weeks in Jamaica and I feel spoiled. Rah bought me a whole new wardrobe with no limits on brand names. I was told to get what I wanted and don’t worry about the price. I tried to tell myself not to get to use to this because it would only be for a minute. Needless to say I bought a lot of maxi dresses to hide the growing lump. For now we were both cool and for some crazy reason Raheim has been acting like he wants to be my man. Last night he took me horseback riding and tonight he wants to go to a pajama party near one of the large resorts. We’ve eaten in almost every restaurant on the island and gone to numerous clubs. It must be something in the water having a nigga act in love but whateva it was I was ok with it. I heard a knock on the bathroom door while I was taking my bath and a second later the door opened.

“Scuse me Miss, Mr. Starz says he needs ya ta hurry it up” it was the same pretty girl who walked in the first night me and Rah made love.

“Oh ok, tell him to give me another minute” I wanted to tell her it’s a thing called knock and then wait for an answer but I bit my tongue. The party was supposed to start around ten and it was only nine forty five so him rushing me meant he really wanted to be there. He bought me a sexy red teddy trimmed in black lace and a pair of red heels. When I stepped into the bedroom he was already there waiting shirtless and patient.

“When you start rushing me?” I turned my back to him so I could slide the thin red lingerie over my head.

“When you start being shy?” He sounded curious and I had to think fast.

“I can be shy when I wanna be. Only my man can see me naked” I teased but when I turned to see his face he wasn’t smiling and I suddenly felt the air shift in the room.

“Oh so you need to hear me say it? Why the fuck you think I brought you here? So we can play house. I been walking round here acting like a nut and your ass act like you didn’t get the damn memo.” He looked furious and I didn’t know what the hell just happened.

“Wait, what just happened?”

“Felicia if you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about then I don’t have the energy to explain it” He walked out of the room leaving me seriously confused. I wanted to follow after him but I wasn’t that chic and never would be. I figured he would either go to the party without me or sulk like a big baby until I came after him. I took my time doing my makeup making sure my hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail. I slipped on the red heels and headed out the bedroom down into the large living area. All eyes followed the sway of my hips as I went in search of Raheim. I found him on the wrap around porch.

“What’s up with you sexy?” I stood in front of him, staring eye to eye. His green eyes were enticing and the golden brown tint to his skin looked especially perfect under the glow of the Jamaican moon. His hands found their way to my waist and he pulled me into him.

“Your ass is mine, you need to start acting like you know better” For a moment my heart dropped in my chest. He was claiming me, I felt sick all of a sudden.

“Are you saying you’re my man?” I tried to play it cool but I could feel my knees starting to buckle. Thoughts of the baby I was carrying flashed before me and then I felt guilty. Should I tell him or should I leave it alone.

“I’m saying that I think it’s time I started chillin. You already know I’m feeling you and at this point I know I don’t want anybody else. Is that what you want?” My words caught in my throat, for as long as I knew Rah I’ve wanted to hear those words. Shit! His timing couldn’t be worse.

“I do want to be yours but Rah, I think we should talk. I need to tell you something” I took a deep breath hoping that when I told him I was pregnant he wouldn’t release his grip cause I was sure I’d fall.

Before I could form the words Lucius pulled the van around front and I couldn’t be more grateful. “We’ll talk later but for now let’s go have fun” He said before taking me by the hand leading me into the van. Fast beating reggae filled the night air the closer we got to the party. Soon I was able to see curvy women walking around in sheer and lace nighties and men wearing boxers, pajama bottoms and some even wore sweatpants. I watched Raheim’s chest swell with pride as we walked through the lounge area. I tried to act calm but I really was seconds away from a panic attack.  I tried to focus on the soft blue glow coming from the large outdoor pool.

‘Just make it through tonight’ I told myself.

                                                            ************************

                                                                      Raheim Starz

            I pulled Felicia into the center of the room allowing the rhythm of Elephant Man’s Give me the whine to take over. She went in full gear and started moving her hips in a slow whine speeding up and slowing down again. The party was filled with some of the finest girls on the planet, a few were eyein me hardcore but I gave Felicia my full attention. Besides, the fastest way to get the pussy is to act like you don’t want it. Three songs in and Felicia said her feet were hurtin.

“You can still dance if you want, that chick in black been tryna get your attention all night” I looked over my shoulder at the tall brown girl in the corner. She had hips for days and tits the size of cantaloupes.

“Should I give it to her?” I started dancing in front of Felicia

“Yeah go give it to her but not too much I don’t want to have to play anybody up in here tonight” I kissed Felicia before walking over to lady in black.

“Let’s dance” I took her by her hand and watched her smile. She was determined to show me her inner freak on

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