Aboard My Train Of Thought - Scott C. Endsley (best ereader for pdf and epub txt) 📗

popular music group, the Bugs. It just so happened I had a tape of their greatest hits in my boom-box, to the side of the bed. I laid back, adjusted the light, and began reading with polite interest, even though it looked lenghty and I was very drowsy...
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(Episode 6)
It had been a miserably, sweaty and smelly night, at the Cavern Club on the outskirts of Liverwurst, England. Johnny and the Mooners had just wrapped up the first half of their gig, when John blurted out,

"Man, this blankin' place is blankin' blank, blank it!"

"Whad he say?" George asked

Paul put aside his bass. "John's just a bit cheesed off about the sorry acoustics, tonight...Hand me a ciggy, Pete."

Pete hadn't been with the band for very long, and he didn't play drums worth a crap, which John thought was great, because it drove their critics batty. Paul suggested they find another drummer, or perhaps, even let him have a crack at it; but John was unrelenting.

"Don't blankin' mess with my blankin' decisions, blank you! If I blankin 'wanted your blankity blank opinion, I would have blankin'asked, you blankin,' blank of a blank!!"

"Whad he say?" George asked again.

"No," Paul sighed.

The intermission soon ended as the Mooners then strapped their guitars back on, and set up the drums. "Blankin' Paul has a blank of a song he's gonna blankin' do called 'And I blankin' love the blank!"

In the middle of the sappy, crooning tear-jerker, Brian Einstein, a Professional Philanthropist Pleader, walked into the club, sat down, and ordered whatever the band was drinking. The no-foolishness waitress came back with a coke and rum, along with a blankidy, attitude.

Brian couldn't believe what he was hearing, and assured himself that he wouldn't even put his mother-in-law through such torture. However, after six or seven glasses, he began to hear a lot of potential. After the concluding number, he staggered up to the stage and offered a proposition,"How would you boys like an ambitious manager?"

"Blankin' manager, how much would have to blankin' pay you?" John asked suspiciously.

"Whad he say?!" Brian, George and Pete asked in three-part harmony.

"You'll have to forgive John, he's got a bloody speech impediment. He wants to know how much you'll charge us?" Paul clarified.

Brian immediately drew up the contract, and convinced them to award him 20% of their earnings in 10 years. "First thing we need to do is, change your name for something more wholesome....Say, how 'bout the...the Beetle Bugs?"

"Blankin' Beetle Bugs," John laughed, " I blankin' dig the blankin' Bugs."

"Whad he say?"

"He says the Bug idea is hip, but the stupid Beetle thing has got to go! If you do manage us, you'd better get us a recording gig by year's end. We've paid our dues in numerous ratholes, and we deserve the best, considering we're the great musicians that we are!"

"He said all that?!" Brian, George, Pete and a couple of eavesdroppers, asked.


John, Paul, George and Pete soon became a discussion piece all over Liverwurst, as girls would scream, then run, looking for the exits--- ever since George shaved his head and super-glued a toilet plunger on top of it. John thought it was a stroke of genius, on George's behalf, and suggested they all do the same.

Nearly a year's search went by looking for a record company ready to sign them. In those days it was easier than the present to get a break; however, Elvis, for instance, played in clubs for years under his real name, Arnold Gupduddle; but wasn't getting anywhere.

Finally, in desperation, he auditioned to model for a denim jeans ad. He was quickly picked out because of his back-in-the-woods dumb hillbilly look. The company suggested, for some reason, that he act as if he was playing a guitar for the photo shoot, hoping to attract young girls' interest in the ad; but the camera man got extremely frustrated and impatient with him most of the day, because of his lack of sex appeal.

While venturing to try a certain pose, Arnold tripped and stubbed his foot, causing him to gyrate in excruciating agony with a pained look on his face, for around 5 minutes; while the photographer excitedly took pictures. Life magazine, who ran the ad, didn't catch a typo error until the week after the publication was released. The caption below the picture was supposed to read "LEVIS!", however someone carelessly switched the L with the E, making it read "ELVIS!". Women who saw the ad went into a frenzy and jammed the magazine company's phone lines. He immediately, thereafter, agreed to change his name and was offered a huge contract. The rest is history.

The Bugs, like Elvis, paid their share of dues, but were eventually discovered. George Martinique, a Record company president of a small label, left his home in the Caribbean for Liverwurst, to audition them. He had caught their act in a Hamburg, Germany nightclub, while vacationing there one summer, and was interested in producing them. He was looking for a white, British, punkish band that would intermix polka, flapper music, and a touch of Buck Owens alongside of Englebert Humperdink, with a style of music that was popularly growing in his homeland, called reggae.

The Bugs were willing to do ANYTHING to get a contract and signed on with Ganja Head Records in a barely visable, smoke filled room. "If ja don't like something, just let me know," Martinique smiled.

"Well you blankin' don't need this blankin' toupee'!" John cracked, ripping it off of his balding dreadlocks.


The big day arrived, and the Bugs released their first album, "We Mean To Bug You," in America. The first single, "You're Stepping On My Hand," got instant airplay, but not on pop stations; rather, from various religious programs warning parents of the evils of such hullabaloo. The nationally known Right Reverend Ronald R. Ramrod, stated, "We're not gonna subject our kids to this sadistic combination of catcalling and cow butchering! I'm calling on all patriotic and sane Americans, to buy up as many copies of the Bugs' album as possible, and hold a national Bug album-torching a week from Sunday!"

Irate do-gooders, all over America, joined in tens of thousands of record bonfires, and by week's end, "We Mean To Bug You," became the biggest selling album in all the history of the recording business. This was quite phenomenal considering nobody had even listened to the record.

Manager Einstein soon called a news conference and announced that the Bugs wanted to play Shea Stadium, but that they'd hold out for the best offer. A little over four months later, Malcolm, Brian's cousin, whose father-in-law had a friend with a step-brother, who coincidentally owned the stadium, himself owned a sporting goods store and promised each of them a genuine pro-series pogo stick, if they would, in addition, give him a privy performance of his favorite Englebert Humperdink selections.....

After a week of negotiating with the realization it was the best offer so far, they accepted; and the following Saturday night, the coliseum was packed full of thousands of anticipating teenagers.

A sudden hush fell on the crowd as Ed Sullivan stepped up to the mike, then announced, "And now...The Bugs!"

Only half the crowd cheered with enthusiasm, but soon looked bewildered when the band appeared. They thought they came to see a new Alfred Hitchcock movie; after all, it had been a good year since the release of "The Birds." The other half were there because someone announced the wrong date for a Girl Scouts Of America convention.

Once the girly teenyboppers caught sight of the toilet plungers on the boys' heads, they went screaming, running for the exits, followed by the moms in close pursuit. The 30 or so ardent Bug fans remained, holding their flaming plungers high above their heads, and singing their favorite songs; until the stadium burned to the ground.


After a year of failure and anonymity, the Bugs released their next album, "The Bugs' Second Chance," which was greeted far better than their former effort, because of the bouncy polka song, "She Loathes You (Nanny Nanny Boo Boo)," which became very popular among the German folk around numerous Amish communities, all over the Pennsylvania region.


In the latter part of the early years, the Bugs were in their "crest of the wave" success. In 1965, they became millionaires!.... Thanks to a careless New York City bank teller, who accidentally deposited a royalty check made out to John D. Rockafeller Jr., into their joint account. Mr. Rockafeller never realized a thing.

But the Bugs became, in their own right, even more wealthy in the summer of love and hallucinogenics, with their best selling album so far. It all started when John was offered a certain substance at a party. It changed his life. Then he offered it to the other Bugs...they liked it too. Paul suggested that they all put their heads together, and record a concept album, inspired by the experimentation of this stuff. Each song would refer to it, whether in subtle clues, or out right blatantly. Ganja Head executives were reluctant, at first, to release the album...because of the controversial subject surrounding it. But when all was finally said and done, "DR Pepper Comes In 12 Ounce Cans," was an instant hit.

The album included such hit songs as the title track, and a little ditty that Paul wrote called "When I'm Dead And Gone." But the most brilliant song on the album, graced the end of the second side. It was a 5-minute track that finished the album with a spine tingling, loudly building, crescendo; as John gluttonously slurpped down a can of soda pop. As it dramatically came to an abrupt end, he managed to hold out a long, tumultuous, resoundingly diminishing belch........... for an entire 45 seconds! "One day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich," was based on the novel with the same title, by Russian Nobel Peace Prize winner, and Soviet dissident, Alexander Solzhenitsyn. This was a stroke of genius for John; considering Solzhenitsyn didn't write the book till 17 years later!

The DR Pepper album was a gamble for the group, since most of their fans in America preferred Coca Cola. However, the drink DR Pepper, was in its grassroots infancy all over Europe, ever since John F. Kennedy went to East Germany and stood in front of the newly erected iron curtain, and proclaimed to the cheering West Berliners, "I AM A PEPPER!!!"

"The Beige Album" followed suit in 1968, as being one of their best sellers. It mysteriously came wrapped in a beige barf bag. Differing fans, to this day, debate whether this was just artistic expression, or a serious warning that listening to the record would literally make one nauseous.
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(Episode 7)
(I continued reading)
In January of the following year, John attended an international yodeling contest in Zurich, Switzerland. In the audience, a lady of his liking caught his eye. A 4 foot, 5 inch Ukrainian Olympic team weight-lifter named YoYo, who was also a speech pathologist on the side. She was everything he needed. He kept trying to converse with her all night, but she mostly ignored him by