The Home and the World - Rabindranath Tagore (books to read in your 30s .txt) 📗

inside, I found the news had travelled before me.

"What a terrible thing, brother," exclaimed the Bara Rani.

"Whatever shall we do?"

I made light of the matter to reassure her. "We still have

something left," I said with a smile. "We shall manage to get

along somehow."

"Don't joke about it, brother dear. Why are they all so angry

with you? Can't you humour them? Why put everybody out?"

"I cannot let the country go to rack and ruin, even if that would

please everybody."

"That was a shocking thing they did at the burning-grounds. It's

a horrid shame to treat you so. The Chota Rani has got rid of

all her fears by dint of the Englishwoman's teaching, but as for

me, I had to send for the priest to avert the omen before I could

get any peace of mind. For my sake, dear, do get away to

Calcutta. I tremble to think what they may do, if you stay on

here."

My sister-in-law's genuine anxiety touched me deeply.

"And, brother," she went on, "did I not warn you, it was not well

to keep so much money in your room? They might get wind of it

any day. It is not the money--but who knows..."

To calm her I promised to remove the money to the treasury at

once, and then get it away to Calcutta with the first escort

going. We went together to my bedroom. The dressing-room door

was shut. When I knocked, Bimala called out: "I am dressing."

"I wonder at the Chota Rani," exclaimed my sister-in-law,

"dressing so early in the day! One of their Bande Mataram

meetings, I suppose. Robber Queen!" she called out in jest to

Bimala. "Are you counting your spoils inside?"

"I will attend to the money a little later," I said, as I came

away to my office room outside.

I found the Police Inspector waiting for me. "Any trace of the

dacoits?" I asked.

"I have my suspicions."

"On whom?"

"Kasim, the guard."

"Kasim? But was he not wounded?"

"A mere nothing. A flesh wound on the leg. Probably self-

inflicted."

"But I cannot bring myself to believe it. He is such a trusted

servant."

"You may have trusted him, but that does not prevent his being a

thief. Have I not seen men trusted for twenty years together,

suddenly developing..."

"Even if it were so, I could not send him to gaol. But why

should he have left the rest of the money lying about?"

"To put us off the scent. Whatever you may say, Maharaja, he

must be an old hand at the game. He mounts guard during his

watch, right enough, but I feel sure he has a finger in all the

dacoities going on in the neighbourhood."

With this the Inspector proceeded to recount the various methods

by which it was possible to be concerned in a dacoity twenty or

thirty miles away, and yet be back in time for duty.

"Have you brought Kasim here?" I asked.

"No," was the reply, "he is in the lock-up. The Magistrate is

due for the investigation."

"I want to see him," I said.

When I went to his cell he fell at my feet, weeping. "In God's

name," he said, "I swear I did not do this thing."

"I do not doubt you, Kasim," I assured him. "Fear nothing. They

can do nothing to you, if you are innocent."

Kasim, however, was unable to give a coherent account of the

incident. He was obviously exaggerating. Four or five hundred

men, big guns, numberless swords, figured in his narrative. It

must have been either his disturbed state of mind or a desire to

account for his easy defeat. He would have it that this was

Harish Kundu's doing; he was even sure he had heard the voice of

Ekram, the head retainer of the Kundus.

"Look here, Kasim," I had to warn him, "don't you be dragging

other people in with your stories. You are not called upon to

make out a case against Harish Kundu, or anybody else."

XIV

On returning home I asked my master to come over. He shook his

head gravely. "I see no good in this," said he--"this setting

aside of conscience and putting the country in its place. All

the sins of the country will now break out, hideous and

unashamed."

"Who do you think could have ..."

"Don't ask me. But sin is rampant. Send them all away, right

away from here."

"I have given them one more day. They will be leaving the day

after tomorrow."

"And another thing. Take Bimala away to Calcutta. She is

getting too narrow a view of the outside world from here, she

cannot see men and things in their true proportions. Let her see

the world--men and their work--give her abroad vision."

"That is exactly what I was thinking."

"Well, don't make any delay about it. I tell you, Nikhil, man's

history has to be built by the united effort of all the races in

the world, and therefore this selling of conscience for political

reasons--this making a fetish of one's country, won't do. I know

that Europe does not at heart admit this, but there she has not

the right to pose as our teacher. Men who die for the truth

become immortal: and, if a whole people can die for the truth, it

will also achieve immortality in the history of humanity. Here,

in this land of India, amid the mocking laughter of Satan

piercing the sky, may the feeling for this truth become real!

What a terrible epidemic of sin has been brought into our country

from foreign lands..."

The whole day passed in the turmoil of investigation. I was

tired out when I retired for the night. I left over sending my

sister-in-law's money to the treasury till next morning.

I woke up from my sleep at dead of night. The room was dark. I

thought I heard a moaning somewhere. Somebody must have been

crying. Sounds of sobbing came heavy with tears like fitful

gusts of wind in the rainy night. It seemed to me that the cry

rose from the heart of my room itself. I was alone. For some

days Bimala had her bed in another room adjoining mine. I rose

up and when I went out I found her in the balcony lying prone

upon her face on the bare floor.

This is something that cannot be written in words. He only knows

it who sits in the bosom of the world and receives all its pangs

in His own heart. The sky is dumb, the stars are mute, the night

is still, and in the midst of it all that one sleepless cry!

We give these sufferings names, bad or good, according to the

classifications of the books, but this agony which is welling up

from a torn heart, pouring into the fathomless dark, has it any

name? When in that midnight, standing under the silent stars, I

looked upon that figure, my mind was struck with awe, and I said

to myself: "Who am Ito judge her?" O life, O death, O God of the

infinite existence, I bow my head in silence to the mystery which

is in you.

Once I thought I should turn back. But I could not. I sat down

on the ground near Bimala and placed my hand on her head. At the

first touch her whole body seemed to stiffen, but the next moment

the hardness gave way, and the tears burst out. I gently passed

my fingers over her forehead. Suddenly her hands groping for my

feet grasped them and drew them to herself, pressing them against

her breast with such force that I thought her heart would break.

Bimala's Story

XVIII

Amulya is due to return from Calcutta this morning. I told the

servants to let me know as soon as he arrived, but could not keep

still. At last I went outside to await him in the sitting-room.

When I sent him off to sell the jewels I must have been thinking

only of myself. It never even crossed my mind that so young a

boy, trying to sell such valuable jewellery, would at once be

suspected. So helpless are we women, we needs must place on

others the burden of our danger. When we go to our death we drag

down those who are about us.

I had said with pride that I would save Amulya--as if she who was

drowning could save others. But instead of saving him, I have

sent him to his doom. My little brother, such a sister have I

been to you that Death must have smiled on that Brothers' Day

when I gave you my blessing--I, who wander distracted with the

burden of my own evil-doing.

I feel today that man is at times attacked with evil as with the

plague. Some germ finds its way in from somewhere, and then in

the space of one night Death stalks in. Why cannot the stricken

one be kept far away from the rest of the world? I, at least,

have realized how terrible is the contagion--like a fiery torch

which burns that it may set the world on fire.

It struck nine. I could not get rid of the idea that Amulya was

in trouble, that he had fallen into the clutches of the police.

There must be great excitement in the Police Office--whose are

the jewels?--where did he get them? And in the end I shall have

to furnish the answer, in public, before all the world.

What is that answer to be? Your day has come at last, Bara Rani,

you whom I have so long despised. You, in the shape of the

public, the world, will have your revenge. O God, save me this

time, and I will cast all my pride at my sister-in-law's feet.

I could bear it no longer. I went straight to the Bara Rani.

She was in the verandah, spicing her betel leaves, Thako at her

side. The sight of Thako made me shrink back for a moment, but I

overcame all hesitation, and making a low obeisance I took the

dust of my elder sister-in-law's feet.

"Bless my soul, Chota Rani," she exclaimed, "what has come upon

you? Why this sudden reverence?"

"It is my birthday, sister," said I. "I have caused you pain.

Give me your blessing today that I may never do so again. My

mind is so small." I repeated my obeisance and left her

hurriedly, but she called me back.

"You never before told me that this was your birthday, Chotie

darling! Be sure to come and have lunch with me this afternoon.

You positively must."

O God, let it really be my birthday today. Can I not be born

over again? Cleanse me, my God, and purify me and give me one

more trial!

I went again to the sitting-room to find Sandip there. A feeling

of disgust seemed to poison my very blood. The face of his,

which I saw in the morning light, had nothing of the magic

radiance of genius.

"Will you leave the room," I blurted out.

Sandip smiled. "Since Amulya is not here," he remarked, "I

should think my turn had come for a special talk."

My fate was