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As it rang, I held my breath, my heart speeding and my hands becoming cold. “Hello?” I heard the familiar and yet forgotten voice of my Dad answer.

“Dad,” I whispered. There was a moment of dead silence. “Nessie?” Dad gasped. I bit my lip against the whimper trying to escape. Hearing Dad sound so…incredulous made me hurt. Finally when I was in control I answered. “Yeah, it’s me Dad.” Dad rushed to ask questions about school, Blake, Luna and Kaine and that the family missed me. I could hear mummers in the background, great everyone was there. Dad chuckled and said “Like I said, everyone misses you.” I bit my lip once again, trying to find a way to word this. “Dad…I want to come home.” Silence again. Would he tell me no? I bit my lip a little harder as the silence lasted. “Renesmee, that would make me so happy,” Dad finally managed to whisper. It was evident that he was trying not to break down and that made me want to break down, so once again, I bit my lip and kept the sobs in. After a few moments of silence and the control had returned, we discussed the visit. Dad eagerly rushed to please me, asking where I’d like to go, what I’d like to do, anything to promise my return. “Dad, I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything except be with you all,” I said and laughed. Dad chuckled and then suddenly said “Your mother.” I paused and tried to contain the loathing words that crawled up my throat. Although I had already practiced this millions of times, although I knew this was coming, I couldn’t help but be silent. With some concentration and plenty of will power, I managed to answer Dad.

“Don’t worry about it Dad, it’ll work out fine,” I said threw gritted teeth. My tongue seemed to be on fire. Dad listened to my thoughts for a second and then said “You’re coming for Christmas then?” “Yeah, Blake and I kinda already brought the tickets, we just had to find a time to… call you guys,” I said, a little red faced. Dad chuckled and said “Oh Renemsee, how I’ve missed hearing your voice. You haven’t called since March.” I sighed, feeling guilty and said “Yeah I know and I’m sorry about that, I was just going through a rough time…” I trailed off, refusing to remember. “Renesmee,” Dad started hesitantly. I knew what was coming and forced myself to continue, I wouldn’t let it have power over me any longer. “Yes,” I said very calmly, preparing for what was to come. Dad hesitated for a moment, reading my thoughts once again and then said “Your Mother would like to speak to you.” I closed my eyes for a moment and thought of good things and when I knew I wouldn’t say something rude, opened my eyes and said “Sure, but Dad,” I hesitated. “Yes, Renesmee?” Dad said eagerly. “Were not going to talk about any of that, alright?” I said firmly, suppressing the memories.”Of course not love,” Dad said and then away from the phone “Bella love, Renesmee would like to speak to you.” A moment of silence and then the phone sifted. “Renesmee?” Mom timidly called. I shut my eyes and thought past the anger and pain, thought to the good days we had, thought to the fact that she was my Mom and that I loved her. “Hey,” I said, not yet ready to say ‘Mom’. “How are you baby? I miss you so much. Seems like so long since we’ve spoken, how’s Blake? Luna and Kaine? How are your grades? Oops, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ambush you with so many questions,” Mom blabbed on nervously. I smiled a little as I remembered how Mom would always talk too much when she was trying to hide something or be sneaky; she was a terrible liar. “Lots of questions,” I said, surprised I didn’t have a bitch undertone. “I’m sorry, I’m just so excited that you and I are talking,” Mom admitted, hoping it wouldn’t hit a nerve. It did, but I thought happy thoughts and reminded myself that the past was the past, and that I had to move on. “Well I miss you too, Blake’s been well, so have Luna and Kaine and my grades are great,” I answered. “That’s great hon,” Mom said approvingly. “Mom,” I said, playing with some rice. “Yes?” Mom asked excitedly. “How about when we come and visit, we take a day for just you and me. How’s that sound?” I asked, hoping I sounded happy. “I’d love to Renesmee, I’d just absolutely love too,” Mom gushed happily, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was crying.

My control was slipping, I was weakening. “Uh, could you put Dad back on the phone Mom, please?” I asked, hardly able to control the shaking in my voice. “Sure,” and then away from the phone “Edward.” I waited as the phone shifted. “Yes Renesmee?” Dad asked worriedly. “I have some um, errands to run, can we talk later or whenever?” I asked hurriedly now, not sure how much longer my control would last. Dad sensed the urgency and said “Of course Renesmee, call us when you’re able, but your Mother would like to say something before you go, is that all right?” “Uh-huh,” I said, trying to calm down by thinking “Just a few more seconds, just a few more seconds.” “Renesmee, I’m so glad you’re coming home, Charlie hasn’t been visited by you in a long time, he’ll be so happy,” Mom said, and I could tell she was crying. This time, the tears I couldn’t hold back, but they were not tears of anger or pain, they were tears of happiness. “I know,” I whispered, smiling and biting my lip. “Call us soon alright? We love you guys,” Mom said. “Yeah we love you guys too and I’ll call tomorrow, bye,” and hung up. I stood staring out of the window for some time when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “What are you trying to do babe? Burn down the apartment?” Blake joked, nodding toward the pot in the sink with a cloud of smoke around it. I caught the scent of burning chicken then. I laughed and said “I’m sorry, I was…distracted.” Blake heard my hesitance and walked over to me, his arm’s already opened. I ran into his arms and laid my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. I bit my lip, as the tears he couldn’t see, fell gently on to the hardwood floor. 

 

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Text: Google images.
Publication Date: 03-21-2011

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Dedication:
I’d like to thank my readers from SodaHead. Without you guys, I would’ve never had the guts to write, thanks sooo much for the support and patience. You guys are awesome! I’d also like to thank my sisters, Barbie and Jasmine, for all the editing and ideas when I had writers block and for the support when I wasn’t confident.

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