The Attache; Or, Sam Slick In England(Fiscle Part-3) - Thomas Chandler Haliburton (reading well txt) 📗
- Author: Thomas Chandler Haliburton
Book online «The Attache; Or, Sam Slick In England(Fiscle Part-3) - Thomas Chandler Haliburton (reading well txt) 📗». Author Thomas Chandler Haliburton
Scotia, And A Retired Member Of The Provincial Bar. My
Name Will Seldom Appear In These Pages, As I Am Uniformly
Addressed By Both My Companions As "Squire," Nor Shall
I Have To Perform The Disagreeable Task Of "Reporting My
Own Speeches," For Naturally Taciturn, I Delight In
Listening Rather Than Talking, And Modestly Prefer The
Duties Of An Amanuensis, To The Responsibilities Of
Original Composition.
The Last Personage Is Jube Japan, A Black Servant Of The
Attache.
Such Are The Persons Who Composed The Little Party That
Embarked At New York, On Board The Packet Ship "Tyler,"
And Sailed On The -- Of May, 184-, For England.
The Motto Prefixed To This Work
(Greek Text)
Sufficiently Explains Its Character. Classes And Not
Individuals Have Been Selected For Observation. National
Traits Are Fair Subjects For Satire Or For Praise, But
Personal Peculiarities Claim The Privilege Of Exemption
In Right Of That Hospitality, Through Whose Medium They
Have Been Alone Exhibited. Public Topics Are Public
Property; Every Body Has A Right To Use Them Without
Leave And Without Apology. It Is Only When We Quit The
Limits Of This "Common" And Enter Upon "Private Grounds,"
That We Are Guilty Of "A Trespass." This Distinction Is
Alike Obvious To Good Sense And Right Feeling. I Have
Endeavoured To Keep It Constantly In View; And If At Any
Time I Shall Be Supposed To Have Erred (I Say "Supposed,"
For I Am Unconscious Of Having Done So) I Must Claim The
Indulgence Always Granted To Involuntary Offences.
Now The Patience Of My Reader May Fairly Be Considered
A "Private Right." I Shall, Therefore, Respect Its
Boundaries And Proceed At Once With My Narrative, Having
Been Already Quite Long Enough About "Uncorking A Bottle."
Volume 1 Chapter 2 (A Juicy Day In The Country) Pg 6
All Our Preparations For The Voyage Having Been Completed,
We Spent The Last Day At Our Disposal, In Visiting
Brooklyn. The Weather Was Uncommonly Fine, The Sky Being
Volume 1 Chapter 2 (A Juicy Day In The Country) Pg 7Perfectly Clear And Unclouded; And Though The Sun Shone
Out Brilliantly, The Heat Was Tempered By A Cool, Bracing,
Westwardly Wind. Its Influence Was Perceptible On The
Spirits Of Every Body On Board The Ferry-Boat That
Transported Us Across The Harbour.
"Squire," Said Mr. Slick, Aint This As Pretty A Day As
You'll See Atween This And Nova Scotia?--You Can't Beat
American Weather, When It Chooses, In No Part Of The
World I've Ever Been In Yet. This Day Is A Tip-Topper,
And It's The Last We'll See Of The Kind Till We Get Back
Agin, _I_ Know. Take A Fool's Advice, For Once, And Stick
To It, As Long As There Is Any Of It Left, For You'll
See The Difference When You Get To England. There Never
Was So Rainy A Place In The Univarse, As That, I Don't
Think, Unless It's Ireland, And The Only Difference Atween
Them Two Is That It Rains Every Day Amost In England,
And In Ireland It Rains Every Day And Every Night Too.
It's Awful, And You Must Keep Out Of A Country-House In
Such Weather, Or You'll Go For It; It Will Kill You,
That's Sartain. I Shall Never Forget A Juicy Day I Once
Spent In One Of Them Dismal Old Places. I'll Tell You
How I Came To Be There.
"The Last Time I Was To England, I Was A Dinin' With Our
Consul To Liverpool, And A Very Gentleman-Like Old Man
He Was Too; He Was Appointed By Washington, And Had Been
There Ever Since Our Glorious Revolution. Folks Gave Him
A Great Name, They Said He Was A Credit To Us. Well, I
Met At His Table One Day An Old Country Squire, That
Lived Somewhere Down In Shropshire, Close On To Wales,
And Says He To Me, Arter Cloth Was Off And Cigars On,
'Mr. Slick,' Says He, 'I'll Be Very Glad To See You To
Norman Manor,' (That Was The Place Where He Staid, When
He Was To Home). 'If You Will Return With Me I Shall Be
Glad To Shew You The Country In My Neighbourhood, Which
Is Said To Be Considerable Pretty.'
"'Well,' Says I, 'As I Have Nothin' Above Particular To
See To, I Don't Care If I Do Go.'
"So Off We Started; And This I Will Say, He Was As Kind
As He Cleverly Knew How To Be, And That Is Sayin' A Great
Deal For A Man That Didn't Know Nothin' Out Of Sight Of
His Own Clearin' Hardly.
"Now, When We Got There, The House Was Chock Full Of
Company, And Considerin' It Warn't An Overly Large One,
And That Britishers Won't Stay In A House, Unless Every
Feller Gets A Separate Bed, It's A Wonder To Me, How He
Stowed Away As Many As He Did. Says He, 'Excuse Your
Quarters, Mr. Slick, But I Find More Company Nor I Expected
Here. In A Day Or Two, Some On 'Em Will Be Off, And Then
You Shall Be Better Provided.'
Volume 1 Chapter 2 (A Juicy Day In The Country) Pg 8
"With That I Was Showed Up A Great Staircase, And Out O'
That By A Door-Way Into A Narrer Entry And From That Into
An Old T Like Looking Building, That Stuck Out Behind
The House. It Warn't The Common Company Sleepin' Room,
I Expect, But Kinder Make Shifts, Tho' They Was Good
Enough Too For The Matter O' That; At All Events I Don't
Want No Better.
"Well, I Had Hardly Got Well Housed A'most, Afore It Came
On To Rain, As If It Was In Rael Right Down Airnest. It
Warn't Just A Roarin', Racin', Sneezin' Rain Like A
Thunder Shower, But It Kept A Steady Travellin' Gait, Up
Hill And Down Dale, And No Breathin' Time Nor Batin'
Spell. It Didn't Look As If It Would Stop Till It Was
Done, That's A Fact. But Still As It Was Too Late To Go
Out Agin That Arternoon, I Didn't Think Much About It
Then. I Hadn't No Notion What Was In Store For Me Next
Day, No More Nor A Child; If I Had, I'd A Double Deal
Sooner Hanged Myself, Than Gone Brousing In Such Place
As That, In Sticky Weather.
"A Wet Day Is Considerable Tiresome, Any Where Or Any
Way You Can Fix It; But It's Wus At An English Country
House Than Any Where Else, Cause You Are Among Strangers,
Formal, Cold, Gallus Polite, And As Thick In The Head-Piece
As A Puncheon. You Hante Nothin' To Do Yourself And They
Never Have Nothin' To Do; They Don't Know Nothin' About
America, And Don't Want To. Your Talk Don't Interest
Them, And They Can't Talk To Interest Nobody But Themselves;
All You've Got To Do, Is To Pull Out Your Watch And See
How Time Goes; How Much Of The Day Is Left, And Then Go
To The Winder And See How The Sky Looks, And Whether
There Is Any Chance Of Holdin' Up Or No. Well, That Time
I Went To Bed A Little Airlier Than Common, For I Felt
Considerable Sleepy, And Considerable Strange Too; So As
Soon As I Cleverly Could, I Off And Turned In.
"Well I Am An Airly Riser Myself. I Always Was From A
Boy, So I Waked Up Jist About The Time When Day Ought To
Break, And Was A Thinkin' To Get Up; But The Shutters
Was Too, And It Was As Dark As Ink In The Room, And I
Heer'd It Rainin' Away For Dear Life. 'So,' Sais I To
Myself, 'What The Dogs Is The Use Of Gittin' Up So Airly?
I Can't Get Out And Get A Smoke, And I Can't Do Nothin'
Here; So Here Goes For A Second Nap.' Well I Was Soon
Off Agin In A Most A Beautiful Of A Snore, When All At
Once I Heard Thump-Thump Agin The Shutter--And The Most
Horrid Noise I Ever Heerd Since I Was Raised; It Was
Sunthin' Quite Onairthly.
"'Hallo!' Says I To Myself, 'What In Natur Is All This
Hubbub About? Can This Here Confounded Old House Be
Harnted? Is Them Spirits That's Jabbering Gibberish There,
Or Is I Wide Awake Or No?' So I Sets Right Up On My Hind
Volume 1 Chapter 2 (A Juicy Day In The Country) Pg 9Legs In Bed, Rubs My Eyes, Opens My Ears And Listens
Agin, When Whop Went Every Shutter Agin, With A Dead
Heavy Sound, Like Somethin' Or Another Thrown Agin 'Em,
Or Fallin' Agin 'Em, And Then Comes The Unknown Tongues
In Discord Chorus Like. Sais I, 'I Know Now, It's Them
Cussed Navigators. They've Besot The House, And Are A
Givin' Lip To Frighten Folks. It's Regular Banditti.'
"So I Jist Hops Out Of Bed, And Feels For My Trunk, And
Outs With My Talkin' Irons, That Was All Ready Loaded,
Pokes My Way To The Winder--Shoves The Sash Up And Outs
With The Shutter, Ready To Let Slip Among 'Em. And What
Do You Think It Was?--Hundreds And Hundreds Of Them Nasty,
Dirty, Filthy, Ugly, Black Devils Of Rooks, Located In
The Trees At The Back Eend Of The House. Old Nick Couldn't
Have Slept Near 'Em; Caw Caw, Caw, All
Comments (0)