The Attache; Or, Sam Slick In England(Fiscle Part-3) - Thomas Chandler Haliburton (reading well txt) 📗
- Author: Thomas Chandler Haliburton
Book online «The Attache; Or, Sam Slick In England(Fiscle Part-3) - Thomas Chandler Haliburton (reading well txt) 📗». Author Thomas Chandler Haliburton
Learning, Unaffected Simplicity, And Kind Disposition Of
My Excellent Friend, Mr. Hopewell, Were Well Known And
Fully Appreciated By The People Of New York, Who Were
Anxious To Testify Their Respect For His Virtues, And
Their Sympathy For His Unmerited Persecution, By A Personal
Escort And A Cordial Farewell.
"Are All Those People Going With Us, Sam?" Said He; "How
Pleasant It Will Be To Have So Many Old Friends On Board,
Won't It?"
"No, Sir," Said The Attache, "They Are Only A Goin' To
See You On Board--It Is A Mark Of Respect To You. They
Will Go Down To The "Tyler," To Take Their Last Farewell
Of You."
"Well, That's Kind Now, Ain't It?" He Replied. "I Suppose
They Thought I Would Feel Kinder Dull And Melancholy
Like, On Leaving My Native Land This Way; And I Must Say
I Don't Feel Jist Altogether Right Neither. Ever So Many
Things Rise Right Up In My Mind, Not One Arter Another,
But All Together Like, So That I Can't Take 'Em One By
One And Reason 'Em Down, But They Jist Overpower Me By
Numbers. You Understand Me, Sam, Don't You?"
"Poor Old Critter!" Said Mr. Slick To Me In An Under-Tone,
"It's No Wonder He Is Sad, Is It? I Must Try To Cheer
Him Up, If I Can. Understand You, Minister!" Said He,
"To Be Sure I Do. I Have Been That Way Often And Often.
That Was The Case When I Was To Lowel Factories, With
The Galls A Taking Of Them Off In The Paintin' Line. The
Dear Little Critters Kept Up Such An Everlastin' Almighty
Clatter, Clatter, Clatter; Jabber, Jabber, Jabber, All
Talkin' And Chatterin' At Once, You Couldn't Hear No
Blessed One Of Them; And They Jist Fairly Stunned A
Feller. For Nothin' In Natur', Unless It Be Perpetual
Motion, Can Equal A Woman's Tongue. It's Most A Pity We
Hadn't Some Of The Angeliferous Little Dears With Us Too,
For They Do Make The Time Pass Quick, That's A Fact. I
Want Some On 'Em To Tie A Night-Cap For Me To-Night; I
Don't Commonly Wear One, But I Somehow Kinder Guess, I
Intend To Have One This Time, And No Mistake."
"A Night-Cap, Sam!" Said He; "Why What On Airth Do You
Mean?"
"Why, I'll Tell You, Minister," Said He, "You Recollect
Sister Sall, Don't You."
"Indeed, I Do," Said He, "And An Excellent Girl She Is,
A Dutiful Daughter, And A Kind And Affectionate Sister.
Yes, She Is A Good Girl Is Sally, A Very Good Girl Indeed;
But What Of Her?"
"Well, She Was A Most A Beautiful Critter, To Brew A
Glass Of Whiskey Toddy, As I Ever See'd In All My Travels
Was Sister Sall, And I Used To Call That Tipple, When I
Took It Late, A Night-Cap; Apple Jack And White Nose
Ain't The Smallest Part Of A Circumstance To It. On Such
An Occasion As This, Minister, When A Body Is Leavin'
The Greatest Nation Atween The Poles, To Go Among Benighted,
Ignorant, Insolent Foreigners, You Wouldn't Object To A
Night-Cap, Now Would You?"
"Well, I Don't Know As I Would, Sam," Said He; "Parting
From Friends Whether Temporally Or For Ever, Is A Sad
Thing, And The Former Is Typical Of The Latter. No, I Do
Not Know As I Would. We May Use These Things, But Not
Abuse Them. Be Temperate, Be Moderate, But It Is A Sorry
Heart That Knows No Pleasure. Take Your Night-Cap, Sam,
And Then Commend Yourself To His Safe Keeping, Who Rules
The Wind And The Waves To Him Who--"
"Well Then, Minister, What A Dreadful Awful Looking Thing
A Night-Cap Is Without A Tassel, Ain't It? Oh! You Must
Put A Tassel On It, And That Is Another Glass. Well
Then, What Is The Use Of A Night-Cap, If It Has A Tassel
Volume 1 Chapter 3 (Tying A Night-Cap) Pg 21On It, But Has No String, It Will Slip Off Your Head The
Very First Turn You Take; And That Is Another Glass You
Know. But One String Won't Tie A Cap; One Hand Can't
Shake Hands Along With Itself: You Must Have Two Strings
To It, And That Brings One Glass More. Well Then, What
Is The Use Of Two Strings If They Ain't Fastened? If You
Want To Keep The Cap On, It Must Be Tied, That's Sartain,
And That Is Another Go; And Then, Minister, What An
Everlastin' Miserable Stingy, Ongenteel Critter A Feller
Must Be, That Won't Drink To The Health Of The Female
Brewer. Well, That's Another Glass To Sweethearts And
Wives, And Then Turn In For Sleep, And That's What I
Intend To Do To-Night. I Guess I'll Tie The Night-Cap
This Hitch, If I Never Do Agin, And That's A Fact."
"Oh Sam, Sam," Said Mr. Hopewell, "For A Man That Is Wide
Awake And Duly Sober, I Never Saw One Yet That Talked
Such Nonsense As You Do. You Said, You Understood Me,
But You Don't, One Mite Or Morsel; But Men Are Made
Differently, Some People's Narves Operate On The Brain
Sens_Itively_ And Give Them Exquisite Pain Or Excessive
Pleasure; Other Folks Seem As If They Had No Narves At
All. You Understand My Words, But You Don't Enter Into
My Feelings. Distressing Images Rise Up In My Mind In
Such Rapid Succession, I Can't Master Them, But They
Master Me. They Come Slower To You, And The Moment You
See Their Shadows Before You, You Turn Round To The Light,
And Throw These Dark Figures Behind You. I Can't Do That;
I Could When I Was Younger, But I Can't Now. Reason Is
Comparing Two Ideas, And Drawing An Inference. Insanity
Is, When You Have Such A Rapid Succession Of Ideas, That
You Can't Compare Them. How Great Then Must Be The Pain
When You Are Almost Pressed Into Insanity And Yet Retain
Your Reason? What Is A Broken Heart? Is It Death? I Think
It Must Be Very Like It, If It Is Not A Figure Of Speech,
For I Feel That My Heart Is Broken, And Yet I Am As
Sensitive To Pain As Ever. Nature Cannot Stand This
Suffering Long. You Say These Good People Have Come To
Take Their Last Farewell Of Me; Most Likely, Sam, It _Is_
A Last Farewell. I Am An Old Man Now, I Am Well Stricken
In Years; Shall I Ever Live To See My Native Land Again?
I Know Not, The Lord's Will Be Done! If I Had A Wish, I
Should Desire To Return To Be Laid With My Kindred, To
Repose In Death With Those That Were The Companions Of
My Earthly Pilgrimage; But If It Be Ordered Otherwise.
I Am Ready To Say With Truth And Meekness, 'Lord, Now
Lettest Thou Thy Servant Depart In Peace.'"
When This Excellent Old Man Said That, Mr. Slick Did Not
Enter Into His Feelings--He Did Not Do Him Justice. His
Attachment To And Veneration For His Aged Pastor And
Friend Were Quite Filial, And Such As To Do Honour To
His Head And Heart. Those Persons Who Have Made Character
A Study, Will All Agree, That The Cold Exterior Of The
Volume 1 Chapter 3 (Tying A Night-Cap) Pg 22New England Man Arises From Other Causes Than A Coldness
Of Feeling; Much Of The Rhodomontade Of The Attache,
Addressed To Mr. Hopewell, Was Uttered For The Kind
Purpose Of Withdrawing His Attention From Those Griefs
Which Preyed So Heavily Upon His Spirits.
"Minister," Said Mr. Slick, "Come, Cheer Up, It Makes Me
Kinder Dismal To Hear You Talk So. When Captain Mckenzie
Hanged Up Them Three Free And Enlightened Citizens Of
Ours On Board Of The--Somers--He Gave 'Em Three Cheers.
We Are Worth Half A Dozen Dead Men Yet, So Cheer Up. Talk
To These Friends Of Ourn, They Might Think You Considerable
Starch If You Don't Talk, And Talk Is Cheap, It Don't
Cost Nothin' But Breath, A Scrape Of Your Hind Leg, And
A Jupe Of The Head, That's A Fact."
Having Thus Engaged Him In Conversation With His Friends,
We Proceeded On Board The Steamer, Which, In A Short
Time, Was Alongside Of The Great "Liner." The Day Was
Now Spent, And Mr. Hopewell Having Taken Leave Of His
Escort, Retired To His Cabin, Very Much Overpowered By
His Feelings.
Mr. Slick Insisted On His Companions Taking A Parting
Glass With Him, And I Was Much Amused With The Advice
Given Him By Some Of His Young Friends And Admirers. He
Was Cautioned To Sustain The High Character Of The Nation
Abroad; To Take Care That He Returned As He Went--A True
American; To Insist Upon The Possession Of The Oregon
Territory; To Demand And Enforce His Right Position In
Society; To Negotiate The National Loan; And Above All
Never To Accede To The Right Of Search Of Slave-Vessels;
All Which Having Been Duly Promised, They Took An
Affectionate Leave Of Each Other, And We Remained On
Board, Intending To Depart In The Course Of The Following
Morning.
As Soon As They Had Gone, Mr. Slick Ordered Materials
For Brewing, Namely: Whisky, Hot Water, Sugar And Lemon;
And Having Duly Prepared In Regular Succession The Cap,
The Tassel, And The Two Strings, Filled His Tumbler Again,
And Said,
"Come Now, Squire, Before We Turn In, Let Us _Tie The
Night-Cap_."
Volume 1 Chapter 4 (Home And The Sea) Pg 23
At Eleven O'clock The Next Day The Tyler Having Shaken
Out Her Pinions, And Spread Them To The Breeze, Commenced
At A Rapid Rate Her Long And Solitary Voyage Across The
Atlantic. Object After Object Rose In Rapid Succession
Into Distinct View, Was Approached And Passed, Until
Leaving The Calm And Sheltered Waters Of The Bay, We
Emerged Into The Ocean, And Involuntarily Turned To Look
Back Upon The Land We Had Left. Long After The Lesser
Hills And Low Country Had Disappeared, A Few Ambitious
Peaks Of The Highlands Still Met The Eye, Appearing As
If They Had Advanced To The Very Edge Of The Water, To
Prolong The View Of Us Till The Last Moment.
This Coast Is A Portion Of My Native Continent, For Though
Not A Subject Of The Republic, I Am Still An American In
Its Larger Sense, Having Been Born In A British Province
In This Hemisphere. I Therefore Sympathised With The
Feelings Of My Two Companions, Whose Straining Eyes Were
Still Fixed On Those Dim And Distant Specks In The Horizon.
"There," Said Mr. Slick, Rising From His Seat, "I Believe
We Have Seen The Last Of Home Till Next Time; And This
I Will Say, It Is The Most Glorious Country Onder The
Sun; Travel Where You Will, You Won't Ditto It No Where.
It Is The Toploftiest Place In
Comments (0)