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join a gym and lift weights religiously in order to be able to carry the two-ton folder to the appointment. Our hand cramps up from signing and dating so many forms. It’s unbelievable how much information they’re asking for. Why do they need a birth certificate that’s less than six months old? The data on the certificate doesn’t change! Next they’re going to ask our kindergarten teacher for a sworn affidavit that we’re decent human beings.

 

Dental Work: We sign waiver after waiver, wondering just how dangerous this procedure is if it requires signing a form first. They ask all sorts of seemingly irrelevant medical information (why do they need to know if we have heart murmurs?). Then we get to the stack of insurance forms, which seems pointless to fill out since the lame dental insurance plan will barely cover the cost of a candy bar. Of course, eating too many candy bars is possibly what got us into this predicament in the first place.

 

9. Once Isn’t Enough

 

Paris: Strolling along the Seine at sunset, hand in hand with that special someone, we feel like we could do this forever. Spending a day at the Louvre, we realize we’ve only covered 1/30th of what we’d planned to see. Working our way through the glass display case at the boulangerie we notice we’ve only tried croissants and pains au chocolat and madeleines—we still need to taste éclairs and macarons and mille-feuilles. Feet worn out after a week of walking around the City of Light, we would gladly run a marathon if it meant we could stay an extra week. Somehow we’ll find the time and money to do so.

Dental Work: Rising from the dentist’s chair with a numb jaw, dried spit in the corners of our mouth, and drool running down our chin, the kind doctor informs us that he only got through half of the work today. We’ll have to come back for the crowns and a final polishing. Somehow we’ll find the time and money to do so.

 

10. It’s All Worth It in the End

 

Paris: Where else can we picnic in front of the Eiffel Tower, being treated to a sparkly light show on the hour every hour? Or view some of the world’s finest art? Or drink some of the best wine on the planet? Or walk from the Arc de Triomphe down the Champs Elysées, passing luxury stores like Louis Vuitton? Every street, every sight is like a scene in a movie. Flipping through our photo album after we return home (assuming we don’t make Paris our permanent home) we’ll be amazed that we actually saw and did all those things in person.

 

Dental Work: I’ve literally had people stop me on the street and say what a nice smile I have. Clearly I must like Paris if I’m smiling like an idiot while walking down its cobbled roads.


 

The Fluoride Treatment

 

Nothing like minty fresh breath to make you feel like you just came from the dentist!

 

1 oz. vodka

1 oz. blue curacao

3 oz. soda water

1 mint leaf

 

1.     Pour vodka and blue curacao in a highball glass over ice.

2.     Top with soda water.

3.     Use a mint leaf for garnish, and to give you that dentist-clean feeling.

 

Makes 1 serving

 


18

  Venturing Past the Quartier

 

Seven years of living in Paris had been filled with wine, cheese, and late nights that turned into early mornings. Hopping into a cab after the night’s partying had come to an end and the sun began to rise, I often didn’t know whether to greet the driver with “Bonsoir” or “Bonjour.” I lived city life to the fullest and never slowed down.

I could jet off to places like Marrakech or Ljubljana on a moment’s notice, leaving behind freshly watered plants in my small one-bedroom apartment in favor of sheep’s head stew and medieval castles. Adventure was just a heartbeat away.

The last few years have been a bit different. With two kids under two, the only thing in my life that hasn’t changed is the fact I still live in a small one-bedroom apartment. My family dines on vegetable puree and builds castles out of Legos. Adventure has taken a different form.

My childhood vacations included trips to Yellowstone and Disney World, typical American destinations. We saw herds of antelope and hugged Mickey Mouse. My French husband’s family ventured to Santa’s Village in Finland and the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany, typical European destinations. They saw herds of reindeer and the castle from which the Disney castle took its inspiration. Mika and I want our children to experience the same diversity in their vacations.

That is, if we can ever get out the front door.

Shortly after Leo was born, we managed quick jaunts to London and Brussels. With only one kid in tow, it was doable. We even took several longer trips to the U.S. Now I’m happy to make it to the boulangerie and back, struggling to strap a squirmy Leo in his stroller while Stella snuggles in the baby carrier against my chest. Forget leaving the country—I’m lucky to leave my neighborhood.

Not that I’m complaining. My French-American children see amazing sights on their daily stroll to the park, sights I didn’t lay eyes on until my first international trip at age 19. What is magical to me—buildings older than my home country, iconic monuments, decadent cuisine—will be commonplace to them as they grow up alongside wonders like Notre-Dame and the Eiffel Tower. And eat croissants every day.

When I moved to Paris, my mom wished me good luck in my new life, an entire world away. France was foreign to me, exotic. It’s the norm for my children. Will they decide one day to move to the U.S., viewing it as an adventure, like I did when I moved to France? Or will they seek out a country even more exotic? Will I wish them luck in their new life, or will I secretly wish they stay close to home? Will I be able to let them go as easily as my mom let me? Or was my mom only pretending to be OK with it because she knew it was what I wanted?

I have years to ponder/worry/agonize over this before the kids leave the nest. Until then, Mika and I plan to travel the world with our children, giving them a taste of what’s out there. Even if it means losing them to another country later on. It’s what I did, and what I would do again. I have to be prepared that will happen and I should be supportive when it does.

In the meantime, we’ll stick to the neighborhood park and the occasional trip to the world-renowned ice cream parlor down the street. There’s enough adventure in our own quartier, with its winding roads and ancient structures.

We feel right at home.


 

Mixed Midori

 

When my kids finally leave the nest, I’ll be equal parts relieved (ah, peace and quiet!) and sad (my babies are all grown up!). But the familiarity of drinking my favorite cocktail should get me through.

 

1 oz. Midori

1 oz. raspberry vodka

2 oz. sour mix

2 oz. cranberry juice

 

1.     Mix all ingredients in a martini shaker with ice.

2.     Pour into a tumbler (including ice) and drink in that comfortable feeling!

 

Makes 1 serving

 


Acknowledgements

Thanks to everyone who edited and gave feedback on these pieces. I wrote a lot of them when I was up with a baby in the middle of the night, so it helped to have a non-sleep-deprived perspective. Thanks to Mamalode, BLUNTmoms, Established 1975, and When Crazy Meets Exhaustion for publishing a few of the original pieces that developed into these stories. Writing for different audiences allowed me to explore different styles, and it was great interacting with the wonderful fans on those sites.

And thanks to Jennie Goutet for the title inspiration!

Super big thanks to my ever-patient husband, who takes care of our totally impatient kids while I write. And merci to Leo and Stella, who give me so much material to write about that I’ll be busy for life. Big sloppy kisses to all three of you.


About the Author

Vicki Lesage lives in Paris and writes about the ups and downs of her life abroad. Thankfully, there are more ups than downs, and at least the downs make for great stories!

Vicki hopes you enjoyed the book! If you did, she’d love it if you left a review at Amazon.com. For every review—even just a few sentences—Amazon sends Vicki a cocktail. OK, not really. But Amazon does help convince other people to buy Vicki’s book, which is arguably even better. Depending on the cocktail.

Want more? Get Confessions & Cocktails for free! Simply join Vicki’s mailing list: http://bit.ly/lesage-news.

Check out the other books in the Paris Confessions series:

Confessions of a Paris Party Girl, Vicki’s wild Paris debut. Wine, romance, and a new life in France—a laugh-out-loud memoir from an American in Paris.

Confessions of a Paris Potty Trainer, the #1 Amazon Best Seller about Vicki’s bumpy journey into motherhood and French parenting. Diapers, tantrums, and French bureaucracy—the crazy life of an American mom in Paris!

Christmas Confessions & Cocktails gets you in the Yuletide spirit with 25 Christmas-themed stories, each paired with a holiday-inspired cocktail recipe.

Confessions & Cocktails, five funny stories partnered with five fun cocktails for a quick taste of life in the City of Light.

For more stories, check out VickiLesage.com. And you can always drop Vicki a line at vicki@vickilesage.com.

 

 

Read on for a sneak peek of Confessions of a Paris Party Girl…


Get your groove on with…

Confessions & Cocktails

 

 

Drink up the good life in the City of Light!

 

If you’ve ever had one too many drinks and ended up spilling one too many secrets, this book is for you! This mini “memoirette” is a collection of stories about Vicki’s life in Paris, designed to give you a quick taste of her writing style. Each vignette is paired with a sassy cocktail recipe.

 

So grab that cocktail shaker and let’s get this party started!

 

Get it for free! Join Vicki’s new release mailing list and she’ll send you a free ecopy of Confessions & Cocktails.

 

Join here: http://bit.ly/lesage-news

 


Confessions of a Paris Party Girl

 

A HUMOROUS TRAVEL MEMOIR

 


1

 

Sister Mary Keyholder

 

I would like to say that when I first stepped off the plane and embarked on my new life in France, something memorable happened. Or something funny or amazing or romantic or at least worth writing about. Truth is, I don’t remember. I take that to be a good thing. Considering all the mishaps I’ve had since moving here, “uneventful” nearly equals “good” in my book.

Looking back all these years later, I see myself as a hopeful, naive girl full of energy stepping off that plane. Tired of running into my ex-boyfriend seemingly everywhere around my midwestern

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