The OOBS - CC Raz (free reads txt) 📗
- Author: CC Raz
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That's why I love small towns. EVERY time that I work, I see someone who I know. It might not be someone I talk to, or someone I've seen any time recently. And sometimes I can't even remember where I've seen them until 3 days later when I'm sitting on my couch. But I still see people that I know everywhere. And that's what I love. People smile at me, ask me how I'm doing, ask about my nana and papa (if they're from the art club), or my aunt (if they work at the clinic or basically don't live under a rock because it seems like my aunt knows EVERYONE), or Lawson and Jolie (their teachers from the Christian Academy come there sometimes). It's just... It's nice. It's nice to see familiar faces all the time. And to have people know who I am. I'm not just some face in the crowd. And neither is everyone else.
When Shelsey goes to HS... she'll be so lost. She won't be Shelsey. She won't even be "Cassie's sister" like she is at VP to all the teachers. At one of the football games, Mrs. Jacobson was talking to us down on the track, and we were talking about our hair. I said that I hate how straight my hair is because it's boring, and she said, "Well but your hair has waves in it some days." It's not like she knows that because I'm always in her office. She knows because we're a small school and you know people. Shelsey won't have that. You know how we look in the yearbook and there's maybe 20 kids total, out of all the classes put together, who we don't recognize or have never seen before? Shelsey won't have that. She'll just be another person, another face in the crowd, a number. She won't get to go into a class her sophmore year and have a brand new teacher, but that teacher still knows something about her, or already knows her name. She won't have any of that.
I dunno. I just... We got Oscar and Taz from Shelsey's school nurse. We went into the house and the lady's kids? The girl was in Lawson's class and the boy was in Jolie's. You can't go anywhere without seeing someone you know. When I go to Safeway, I either see Cubby (who I only know because when my mom lived in Wickenburg with my aunt when she was 19, she worked at Safeway and he was her boss and they always hug each other and spend like 2 minutes catching up), or that foreign lady who always flirts with Ken (it's really freaky. She's like... Russian, maybe? I dunno. But it is... Not pretty when she flirts with Ken. It just makes him laugh. But it makes me shiver), or my 8th grade softball coach (whose name is Cassie :)), or Luis (who always asks me when we're gonna fight, because last year in Biology he saidhe was gonna fight me after work, and he never showed up (it was all a joke, of course, because he's one of Alejandro's best friends), but then he ignores his job and walks me to my car to "make sure there's not a rapist waiting for me"). I go to Bashas and I see 50 gazillion people who go to our school, and their parents.
Some people hate that. Some people don't want to have everyone recognize them. But I love it. It makes me feel... gosh my mind just went blank. Home. It makes me feel like I'm home. I don't get that in the city.
I dunno. I'm done talking about that. Let's talk about something else a little more important. Following is the list of people who have your new email address:
Me (of course)
Hay Bailes
That one boy you like- I can't remember his name.
Your dad (and maybe your grandma and Brittainey- he might have given it to them)
Mi madre (I hope you don't mind that she has it- but she might send you something encouraging and loving sometime and she should know the proper place to send it)
Delainey. She needs it. So she has it.
Isn't it cool that you're not on this list? That you don't even know your email address? I thought it was cool too. But at least your mom isn't on the list.
I'll check in with Delainey every day. I know it's important to you. And I love Delainey too. I want to know how she's been doing.
Yesterday, she said lots has happened over the summer. She doesn't talk to anyone anymore. Her brother is back home. He was doing heroin where he was, but now he's just smoking pot. And today when I asked her how she's doing, she said "I'm okay" That's it. But when I told her about your email (which was also today), she said "Alright cool :)" So, even if "okay" means she's not having a good day, at least she smiled a little, right?
I think about her a lot. According to her FB, she's relearning how to play the guitar, so her fingers are all bruised and blistered. But... I don't know. I worry about her. Especially with you not here. But hopefully, when I check in with her, and with your letter, she'll keep herself together. :) Hopefully.
Wow. I expected this email to be short, since I'm saving a bunch of stuff to write in the notebook. But I did a pretty good job at making it pretty lengthy, I guess. :)
I've been looking for a lifeline
For what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain
Breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline
I've been listening to this song on repeat for like the last hour. Nice.:)
I made a whole $4 in tips today. That's not even a dollar an hour in tips. :( Oh, Chaparal. :( And I didn't make a single sundae. And literally the first hour and a half I was there, we had no customers. And only one group ordered food at all today. It was a VERY long day. I had to stop rollin silverware because I ran out of knives. I RAN OUT OF KNIVES. And I cleaned every inch of counter in that place. Not just wiped it down, but scrubbed. It was the most boring day of my life. And Ed was there. The. Whole. Time. Groovey Moses it was TERRIBLE. He is a terrible singer. In 5 1/2 hours, he sang "Brown-Eyed Girl" 4 times. I love that song. But Ed ruined it for me. He is.... Groovey moses it was bad. I wanted to throw something at him. AND HE SINGS WHEN NO ONE IS THERE!!! Watchtower farms? Can I please just turn on the radio so that the songs are good? He sounds like Burt, from Sesame Street. Worst. Day. Ever. Not really. But it was REALLY annoying.
I have to go now. But... the only reason that I'm leaving is because I have like 4 billion things to write in the notebook. Now that I have the notebook, it's hard to decide where to put what. But this will eventually be in the notebook, so... you know. Whatever. I just have to respond to a few things (like how your mom wants a restraining order? And the note that was in your bag, and then just a couple other things that I feel like should be in my handwriting, not typed. That make sense? I hope it does.
As Hay Bailes would say, TTFN. (Ta ta for now, in case you didn't know).
Still praying, still staying strong, and I feel so much better the last couple days because I get to read your stuff. :)
Love,
CC Raz
PS- You know how a long time ago, I said that I have Mahala's notebook? Well... I don't. Or, if I do, it's lost somewhere where it will never be found again. Unless... hold on. Nope. I didn't put it on the shelf with our other notebooks.
Post Script Scrit (:P)- Our lovely notebooks are no longer in my closet in a box, but are on my bookshelf right by the computer. Eventually, maybe it'll cover the whole bottom shelf of my bookshelf. Wouldn't that be awesome? Yes. It would.
6/21 or kinda 6/22- Technically it's 6/22 but I haven't gone to sleep yet so... sorry
I. Love. Music. Some people might look at me and roll their eyes, or whatever. People who spend all day in their rooms playing their instruments, or are in bands, would just ignore the comment, or say that no, I really don't know what loving music is until I've created it (all this comes from past experience). But... I don't know. For me, it's different. I don't need to CREATE the music. I just need to HEAR it. And it make it all better, easier to cope, more... I don't know. I just like my music. :)
I don't know if I'll include this in the pages that I print off. I don't know if I'll be able to, because I have a feeling that there might be a limit on how many pages I can print. And since I'm already up to 40, I should probably stop for now. And it's 10pt font. That's a lot. It's over 30,000 words. And all worth it. :) So I'll just keep printing it off as much as I can, as often as I can, until I have it all. :) And then I'll keep printing until I see you and can give you the notebook. Sound good? Good. :)
I need to go now. I have some stuff that I still have to do before I go to sleep. And it's 2 am. Awesome. Oh well. I just have to get some things ready.
On Tuesday, the three of us are meeting at the park to just talk about you, I guess? It was Jacob's idea. I don't know what he planned on talking about. He kept saying, "and we can figure out what we're going to do." Um... honestly, what can we do? Stay strong, keep praying, and hope for the best. At this point, that's all that we can do.
But I'll take that opportunity to summarize everything that was in the notebook for them.
Just so you know... Jacob read the notebook. Partially, it's my fault. I was at Ken's house and it was just... I was desperate to know what was going on. He asked if he could skim for important things. And I said yes. Because I needed to know. And then a couple minutes later he said, "I love reading the parts about me. It makes me blush." Oh. Well good thing you shouldn't be reading it! Because in her letter to you, she specifically told you NOT to read the notebook. And there is a big
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