The OOBS - CC Raz (free reads txt) 📗

difference between skimming for important info and reading about yourself. It REALLY pissed me off. But I didn't have a chance to yell at him for that because right after that he started talking about how you can't have your faith anymore, and that pissed me off even more, and I yelled at him for that instead. But it sounds like he didn't read all of it, because he still asked me a bunch of questions. 
     He also asked me if I would tell him what it was that you didn't want Bailey to know. And I didn't answer because I was busy, so a while later he sent me another message saying, "Please I won't tell Bailey just please tell me" and that REALLY pissed me off. First of all, he's terrible at interpreting things (which is probably why you didn't want him reading the notebook, aside from the fact that there's a rule against it). You didn't say that the content wasn't for Bailey, but rather the method ofdelivery. He's an idiot. And second of all, if you didn't want Bailey to know, WHY THE FARM WOULD I TELL HIM? Who does he think he is? I don't know. Lately, he has just really really really really pissed me off. A LOT. I try to stay positive and I try to pretend like I really give a shit, for your sake (not meant as a guilt trip). But then I just text Bailey and we talk and she makes me laugh and I can deal with Jacob.

I don't know. I love you, Gwen. :) Gotta go, though.

Still praying, still staying strong. Hope to hear from you soon. I wish we could sit and I could look at your Convention notes and you could tell me all about it because I know you'll have a great time and feel so refreshed after Convention. According to the invitation, the theme is "God's Word is Truth!" based on John 17:17 "Consecrate them in the truth. Your word is truth." I wish you could tell me all about the plays that they put on, the talks and the experiences, and all that. I wish we could talk about all that. We always have been able to before. And now... we can't. You'll just have to write me an email or a letter telling me all about it. Sound like a plan? Kay. :)

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Higher places

6/22

If you can't stand the way this place is
Take yourself to higher places

So... I decided that the businesses in Wickenburg need a little talkin-to. After next week, the bank will no longer be open on Saturdays. I really hope that that's just until the snow birds come back, because during the summer, I need the bank to be open on Saturdays because that's the ONLY time that I can go to the bank when they're open. And they never gave me my ATM card, so I can't use go talk to the ugly teller (that's what my aunt calls the ATM machine).
     And you know how I was going to go to the library to print off all the stuff? Ha. Yeah, the library is now closed on Saturdays. It's open on Monday-Thursday. When has the library EVER been open on a Monday? Someone needs to be slapped. Hard.

You know.. I typed a message to you earlier, and then the computer had a spaz attack and exited out of the thing and I lost it all. :( Bummer.

I'm being attacked by ants. I don't know if all the bites (that just happened in the last 10 minutes) are from the ants in the kitchen, or if there are now ants in my room. But why would they be in my room?
     Groovey moses it's hot in this house. But I'm not supposed to turn th air on any lower than what it is now (75) because Mom has no money.

I didn't really write anything in the notebook today. I taped some stuff in there, but I didn't actually writ anything more. Maybe I'll put more in it tonight or in the morning.

Today... I've kinda just been really sad. I don't know why. All I know is that I just got... really sad this morning, and I kinda stayed that way. Maybe it's just because I miss you.

One thing good has come out of you leaving, though. Bailey and I have gotten a lot closer. Not as close as you and I, but a lot closer.

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
Just another regret
Hope that you can keep it
My dirty little secret
That's me. I'm your dirty little secret. :) Except I'm not dirty. I promise. I took a shower last night right before bed.
When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I'm glad you're my friend, Gwen. There's a lot that I wouldn't be able to get through if I didn't have you. (Wouldn't be nothin' if I didn't have you. So put that thing back where it came from or so help me! It's out of our haaaaands!). So thank you. Are you prepared for the next 2 years, where your friendship with me has to be a secret? :( It'll be fine though. It's just two years, right?
Who has to know?

It started with a crush
Elevated up to love
Can't believe we still an "is"
Thought that soon we'd be a "was"
Look at us, how we be
Who know what it mighta been
Love so healthy you can see like the vitamin     (Vitamin C- pretty clever, huh? Just wait. It gets better)
You make me wanna get on down to my bended knees
Without all the bull, we still got the energy     (Bull as in Red Bull. Awesome)
And when I'm feeling sick I know you got the remedy
'Cause our play's still power like a hockey penalty
Royally loyal, that's why I know she hold the crown
Cliche, they may say, but she came from over clouds
And that's why I know my baby always hold me down
'Cause she's a knockout like boxing in the only round
And true, we have fights and even arguments too,
But always get through, talk, and add the "sorry" as glue
So you're the only lady I see through my lashes
A lot in common
Let's add my last name to that list
        No, I did not write that. It's just part of a song that I like. Well... it's part of a remix, and it's the only part of the song that I like. I like the concept of the original song, but her voice is SUPER high pitched and the music just kinda seems too depressing for a song like that. So I just play his part over and over again, and ignore her part.

I wanna be with you (WHOO!)
Ride with you (yeah)
Tell me baby do you feel me too
Whatcha wanna do
Girl you know I'm there for you
     Those songs make me smile. Lots of fun. Haha There were entire weekends where Rosa and I would just sit and listen to music and sing with these ridiculous faces.

Hey let me tell you bout a girl I know
Sat in her room one day starin' out the window
She made a melody grabbed an old pencil
And she tapped it on her lap and made her own temp
Time went by, all night she wrote
She heard her older sister yelling at her through the door
"Girl momma said you better come before your food gets cold"
But she kept on writing til the pencil broke
:) Gosh. I just... I keep laughing. Because we were so ridiculous.

I want you to know that real superheros can fly
And you so dumb you keep on wonderin' who'd be willin' to try
Livin' in yo mama's basement still collectin' the comics
No money in the bank
You must've skipped economics
And every time you see me
You always be on me
But as soon as I reject youYou go runnin' to Mommy
If we was arch-rivalsI'd win the fight
Think you so bad, but boy
I'm your kryptonite
Gosh. We used to have SO much fun with this song. And "So Over You"   I'm so over you, it's crazy. Took your number off of my phone, boy I'm dion' just fine alone. Can't believe I called you baby. :)  And Superman (the one that I have the lyrics to above) starts with "Yeah. Okay, homies" and my face and what I do with my head (that I used to do but now it's just like a reflex) is SO ridiculous and funny. GOSH it cracks me up.

Okay. I'm done with that now. :)  I have to go. I have to clean the kitcnen.

Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Deceased Male's Hypothesis

6/23

Hm... Doesn't sound right. I know there's a band kind of like that. But... no, that's not it. Oh yeah. I remember now. Theory of a Deadman. They're a pretty good band. I really like thier music. In case you were wondering.

You are not alone tonight
     Imagine me there by your side
     It's so hard to be here so far away from you
     I'm counting the days till I'm finally done
     I'm counting them down, yeah, one by one
     It feels like forever till I return to you
     But it helps me on those lonely nights
     It's that one thing that keeps me alive
Pretty much my exact feelings. It's kinda really really difficult not being able to talk to you, not knowing when I'll be able to talk to you, not knowing how things have changed and how they'll change in the future. But when I'm up at 3 am, and can't sleep, thinking about the foundation of our friendship helps.
     Knowing that you wait for me
     Ever so patiently
What is our friendship built on? It's not just our common interests (writing, little kids, laughter, sarcasm, etc), or our ability to always get good grades, or our writing abilities. It's our cores. How we were both raised to love God above all else, how our life circumstances have forced us to grow up faster and way sooner than we should have had to. Our love for our younger siblings. Honesty, respect, love. That's not a foundation that is going to crumble just because we go a few weeks without contact. And really, it hasn't been without contact. We've gotten some letters, and you've gotten some of my emails. It's not much, but it's something. You know?
     And the rest of the song is also good and makes me think of you, but only in a kind