The OOBS - CC Raz (free reads txt) 📗

just don't wanna go home. Like... I want to go to bed because I'm exhausted. But I just don't wanna be home. Monday I stayed with Nana, yesterday I was in Phx all day, and today I had practice, came home to shower, then left. But I guess tomorrow I'll need to stay home. Because I have lots that I need to do. I have to move all my stuff. It's just... I don't really want to move it all because there's no place for me to put it until Jake moves out (which was supposed to happen this week, it didn't) and we move the kids into his room. But right now I'm half in one room and half in the other and it's kinda annoying. But I'll deal with it. It won't be like that for long
I hope you're doing okay. Finding out ways to read our emails, maybe finding a way to contact us. There must be a big fact that I don't know. Because nothing makes sense
.Gotta go. Running out of logs.

Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz OOB#Been a while

6/6

So... I know it's been a few days since I actually sent you something worth reading. At least, it feels like it's been a few days.
   Basically, I am exhausted. It's been a LONG week. This morning I started beating a cardboard box because it was too big to bring it out of my closet. Like the box can really help it. It's not like he could go on a diet or start excercising. And then I had to put all of Shelsey's stuff in bags because she didn't do it and I'm tired of looking at it. Wait. I just called a box "he". Yeah. I need some sleep. But I have no time for sleep. Which is exactly why I'm so tired. I have so much to do and no time to do it and no motivation and it's just AHHHH. It's a disaster, really. But I'll figure it out. Eventually. I'll have to.
   I'm really ready for summer to actually start. When I don't have something going on every day and I can just relax. Isn't that what summer's supposed to be for? To relax? I thought so.
   I'll be right back. I have to go do something.

I'm back. And now... for an update on the last couple days (since I really haven't been clear on what I've done).
On Tuesday, I went to Surprise with Bailey and Nana. We basically just went to the mall. And Hobby Lobby (where we saw all the card categories. :D). And at the mall, we went to Forever 21. My aunt always gets me gift cards for there. Like... ALL the time. Christmas and birthdays. But I don't wear those clothes. So I got like 7 pairs of sunglasses for Shelsey, and a bunch of jewelry. I figure... if she's nice to me, I can reward her. You know? Yeah. The whole time, Bailey just kinda looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well. She was bound to figure it out eventually.
Then yesterday we had practice from 9-5. Again. GOSH. That is SO long. I was so exhausted by the end of the day. But then I went over to Aunt Stephanie's house and watched a movie. We watched Trouble with the Curve. It's with Clint Eastwood. I like him. He's pretty cool. He's getting old though.
But then I just went to bed and she took me home this morning on her way to work.
   My mom just texted me. I guess she saw your mom at the post office. Well.. that means that my mom is still alive. And that your mother did not maul her. Because.. you know. She hates my mom. And me. I can see why she would hate my mom. Obviously, I think that my mom was justified in what she did. And any other sane person would think so too. But your mom isn't sane and she thinks she's doing things right, so obviously she would hate my mom. But whatever. Not really that big of a deal, I guess. At least, not right now.
   I just sneezed like 10 times in a row. Gross.
   So, I guess Shelsey's been getting in tons of facebook fights. It's really irritating. She can be kinda... really stupid sometimes. Like.. she's trying to intimidate someone (because apparently they are going to fight each other next time she's in town), so she informs Cheyenne of where she learned how to fight. Know where she learned? Watching Criminal Minds. OOOh, yeah. Real tough. You learn how to fight by sitting on your butt and watching actors fight fake fights. That's like saying you learned how to play soccer by watching Phineas and Ferb in their X7 field. RIDICULOUS. I should not have to deal with that kind of stuff. You know?
Let me be myself
So I can shine
With my own light
   Well.. I don't really have much else to say right now. So just stay strong, keep being the Pengwen that we all know and love. Because... IMNERHO, she's a pretty awesome person. Beautiful, smart, strong, funny, strong in her faith... Just all-around awesome. :)

Love you!
Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Not as busy today

6/7

Today isn't as busy as the rest of the week. Well, I guess it's just as busy as Monday and Wednesday are. It just doesn't start until 1, instead of 9.
   I have all morning to kill, and I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe clean the kitchen. It's not too bad. But it wasn't cleaned yesterday. Or maybe I'll get all of Lawson and Jolie's stuff organized so it's easier to move it over? No. That's not my job. Plus, I don't know if Mom is even keeping most of the stuff that we have in there. As far as I know, she could be getting rid of half of it. She does that every time we move. Each time we move, we have less and less stuff to move because she makes us all get rid of everything that we don't absolutely need. Of course, she doesn't have to. She still has stuff in her closet that she hasn't worn since we lived in Idaho.

It's only 8 in the morning. I've been up for 3 hours. In the summer time. Ew. It's all Oscar's fault. He wakes me up every morning. Usually it's not until 6:30, but today it was at 5. So awesome. But he's adorable so it's okay. And I guess if I had to have someone carry me downstairs to go pee in the morning, I'd be waking them up when I woke up, not waiting for them to wake me up. So I can't blame him.

I woke up this morning and Alejandro was laying in the middle of my living room floor. Awesome. And last night, I was sleeping and I woke up because my hand felt all weird. Because he was like poking my hand, and taking one finger and running it down my palm, and all kinds of weird stuff. It  was... weird. Then he realized I was awake, started talking, but I was asleep before he got the third word out. I hope he wasn't telling me that his mom died or something. But I highly doubt that that was is.

So... how's Colorado? It's been in the hundreds every day here. Cheyenne was talking about one of her friends who was in Colorado for the last two weeks and I guess he said that it was in the 70s all week there. So you have it pretty dang easy. One good thing about the heat, though, is that kids aren't running around the apartments all day. I can back out of the parking space at 1 in the afternoon without worrying about hitting kids. And I don't have to hear them all day long. Life is gooood.
   I hope you're not miserable. I hope that, even though the situation isn't ideal, that you're still having some fun. But I know that you're not sitting around all day moping. Because that would NOT be like you AT ALL.

I had a dream last night, where you were back. And I asked you why you hadn't ever replied to us at all. You just kinda shrugged. And then I asked you if they let you get on your email and read all the emails. And you said yes. I asked if they let you reply to them, and you said yes. And then I asked, "If they let you reply to them, why didn't you?" You just kinda smiled (not a happy smile, but one of those smiles that you use when you're kinda looking up at the sky and asking God, "Why do I have to listen to this person ask this stupid question?" because the answer seems so obvious to you. I dunno if that makes any sense) and said, "I don't know, Cassie! What was I supposed to say?"
   It REALLY bugged me. A lot. Because... What am I supposed to say? I have to think and think and think about things to say to you so that you don't feel abandoned and alone, but you just don't know what to say, so you just don't answer?!? Not that I think that's the reason that you aren't replying. Groovy Moses I hope not. Because that would just... yeah. But... that dream really bugged me. And now I'm like... all paranoid that maybe that's why you aren't saying anything to us. But seriously, I almost slapped you in my dream. But the dream ended once you said that. So you didn't get dream slapped. You totally would have deserved it, though. That was a bitchy thing to say. Even if it was in a dream.

So yesterday Bailey texted me that you updated the book on here, but you only put Jacob's emails in there. And I checked your email, and all the emails from us were deleted. You only had spam and a couple emails from us that you hadn't gotten to yet. And that... kinda bugged me. I know I'm probably just being paranoid here (all because of that stupid dream), but... It made me think that you just didn't care anymore. You made an effort to save all of Jacob's emails in your book, but then you just deleted Bailey and I's emails like it was nothing. Like