Hold that Thought - - (i like reading books TXT) š
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Chana: You believe that your neighbor shouldnāt leave her husband.
Ralph: Yeah.
Chana: Can you absolutely know that itās true that she shouldnāt leave him?
Ralph: Not absolutely.
Chana: And how do you feel when you believe the thought?
Ralph: Frustrated, angry.
Chana: What else?
Ralph: I feel lonely. Kind of abandoned. Left out.
Chana: What sensations arise in your body when you believe she shouldnāt leave her husband?
Ralph: My body gets tight, I lose focus, and I want to shut down.
Chana: How do you treat yourself when you believe the thought?
Ralph: I ignore myself. My needs donāt matter so much.
Chana: So you leave yourself ?
Ralph: Yeah.
Chana: And how do you treat your neighbors when you believe the thought?
Ralph: I pretty much ignore the wife. So I guess I leave her too. And the husband? I pity him, the poor guy.
Chana: How do you think he feels about your pity?
Ralph: I think he gets even sadder. Itās like his life is hopeless. Huhā¦. I didnāt realize that.
Chana: So whose Business are you in when you believe that she shouldnāt leave him?
Ralph: Mine! Theyāre my neighbors! Our kids are friends and everything.
Chana: And how much power do you have to control their actions?
Ralph: None.
Chana: So are you in your Business?
Ralph: Iām confused.
Ralph needs to understand the concept Business better, so Iāll guide him through the Back in Your Business visualization exercise. I invite you to try it as well.
Chana: Close your eyes, take some breaths, and relax. Now place your hand on the part of your body you usually do when you say, āI am.ā Feel the energy under your hand. Imagine all of your energy collecting into that place, and you are centered there, rather than scattered. Think, āI am, I am, I am,ā and feel the energy under your hand. Notice how it centers you and holds you up. Do you feel your vitality there?
Ralph: (with his hand on his chest) Yes. I feel calm here. Peaceful. My mind is quiet. Itās like sitting on a warm sofa.
Ralphās focus and energy are coming back into himself, back into his own Business.
Chana: Now, imagine your neighbor standing in front of his house, and you are believing the thought that his wife shouldnāt leave him. Feel what happens to that energy under your hand. Does it change in any way? Does it stay where it is or go elsewhere?
Ralph: Itās all shaky and agitated. And itās not in me anymore. I see it over in the distance - with him.
Chana: Is it really with him, or does it just hover?
Ralph: Itās hovering.
Chana: How much power do you have over there?
Ralph: None. I canāt change his situation no matter how much I think about trying to.
Chana: And now that the energy has left you, what do you feel in your body?
Ralph: It feels empty. Sad. My body wants to collapse.
Chana: This is because youāve left yourself, your Business, your power center, and you hopped over into your neighborās Business.
Ralph: Oh. I get it. Even though heās my neighbor, I canāt change him, and for sure canāt change his wife.
Chana: Now, take a deep breath and imagine yourself back at your neighborās house without the thought that she shouldnāt leave him. How are you without it?
Ralph: Iām more relaxed and more present. Like when I put my hand on my chest.
Chana: So, letās turn it around. Whatās the opposite of she shouldnāt leave him?
Ralph: She should leave him?
Chana: Yes. Give me three reasons why thatās true.
Ralph: She doesnāt look too happy.
Chana: Did you pay attention to that when you believed she shouldnāt?
Ralph: No. It wasnāt relevant at all.
Chana: Thatās good to notice. Give me two more reasons she should leave him.
Ralph: They fight all the time. We can even hear it from my bedroom at night. They tried counseling, and it was a total flop.
Chana: And another one?
Ralph: Actually, one of their kids told my daughter that sheās so sick of all the fighting. The kids might rather their parents didnāt live together.
Chana: Now letās turn it around again. Put yourself in the picture this time.
Ralph: I shouldnāt leave him.
Chana: Howās that true?
Ralph: When Iām busy pitying him, I canāt really be his friend. Itās like Iām looking down at him. Also, Iām not helping him believe he has the strength to survive this. People get divorced all the time and move on, but it must be hard for him when his friend is pushing him to fight reality all the time.
Chana: And what else?
Ralph: He could use support right now. I could spend more time with him. We could go out for a beer once a week; I bet heād love that. And it wouldnāt be as heavy as complaining in his backyard, which is usually where we end up when we do hang out. I thought that to be a good friend I had to put down his wife and resent her, but he might need some fun in his life instead.
Chana: And you?
Ralph: Totally. I donāt want to be in such a negative place either.
Chana: Whatās another turnaround, perhaps this time about your marriage? We want to focus on your Business.
Ralph: I shouldnāt leaveā¦. my wife.
Chana: Tell me about that.
Ralph: When Iām busy thinking about them, Iām not present for her. There are so many ways I could be a better husband.
Chana: Thatās where your power is. In your choices, your behaviors. So how can you be more present for your wife?
Ralph: She loves massages. I can offer them more than I do. And when we got married, I said I would do the dishes, but mostly she does them. I could do more stuff like that around the house.
Chana: And one more?
Ralph: I havenāt surprised her with anything romantic in ā¦. Wowā¦. In a long time. I should take her swing dancing. We both enjoy that.
Chana: How does it feel to be in your Business?
Ralph: Empowering. These are things I can do. I got so caught up in my neighborsā lives, I didnāt even realize I wasnāt showing up in my own.
Chana: Now Iām going to push you to come up with one more turnaround. You shouldnāt leaveā¦
Ralph: Myself ?
Chana: Yes. When you are busy in your neighborās Business, whoās with you?
Ralph: Oh. I leave myself. I feel incredibly lonely then.
Chana: So give me three reasons why you shouldnāt leave yourself is true.
Ralph: I shouldnāt leave myself because I need my energy for all the things I want to do in my life. And ā¦ because I hate the way it feels.
Chana: What else?
Ralph: Because then Iām in my Business.
Chana: Yes.
Ralph: Thatās where I want to be.
Itās easy to wallow in our Circle of Concern and judge othersā behavior. Itās also completely disheartening. Although focusing on our own actions requires a lot more work, itās far more effective and empowering. The more we take the judgments we have of others and point them back to ourselves, the more we can learn about how to create meaningful change for the better. With every empowered action we take, we increase our Circle of Influence.
Use the Back in Your Business visualization to when you want to come back to your center and find ease. By understanding what being in your Business feels like, youāre more empowered to live from that place and learn that thereās No Business Like Your Business!
Download a No Business Like Your Business worksheet from the Free Bonus Section of my website:
Hold.ChanaMason.com/bonus.
The place our minds go to in an attempt to āobjectivelyā judge ourselves and our experiences.
What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.
āTony Robbins
Heather came to me looking for some direction in life, but every time we tried engaging in a visualization process to imagine what a compelling future would look like, sheād derail the conversation. I finally confronted her about it:
Chana: What is so challenging for you about imagining an exciting future for yourself ?
Heather: Itās hard to believe any of that stuff can actually happen.
Chana: Why?
Heather: Because I couldnāt do all the work required to make it happen.
Chana: Why do you believe that?
Heather: Iām lazy. Iāve always been lazy. I donāt ever follow through on stuff.
Chana: So letās take a look at that belief. Perhaps itās worth questioning.
Heather: Okay.
Chana: Can you think of a time you firmly believed youāre lazy?
Heather: Yes. Last week when I was sitting in front of the computer.
I was supposed to be working on a resume to apply for jobs. But I was checking Instagram instead.
Chana: Youāre lazy. Is it true?
Heather: Yeah. Iām wasting time.
Chana: Can you absolutely know that youāre lazy?
Heather: Of course.
Chana: How do you react when you believe that youāre lazy?
Heather: My body sags. I feel drained.
Chana: What else?
Heather: I want to curl up into a ball and hide under the covers. I feel depressed.
Chana: What are you afraid would happen if you didnāt believe youāre lazy?
Heather: Then I would never get anything done. My apartment would be disgusting!
Chana: And tell me, what are you not able to do when you believe the thought?
Heather: I donāt want to do anything except curl up in bed with a bag of chips.
Chana: So is the thought helping you get stuff done?
Heather: No. Not at all. Gosh. Just the opposite.
Chana: Thatās usually how it goes. And whose Business are you in when you believe the thought?
Heather: Mine. Iām talking about myself, right?
The most insidious way we leave our Business is when we judge ourselves with statements such as:
I should lose weight
Iām not smart enough
I deserve better
Iām selfish
We think weāre in our Business because we believe our thoughts are us. What we miss is that, in believing these judgments, we leave our center of power entirely. To help Heather understand this, I guided her through the Back in Your Business visualization.
Chana: Close your eyes. Breathe deeply and place your hand where you usually do when you say, āI am.ā Feel the energy under your hand. This is your power center; itās where you hold the energy that vitalizes you, holds up your body, and drives your actions. Now, think of another person in your life who you often define as lazy. Got it?
Heather: Yes. This guy Greg from work.
Chana: Now I want you to feel what happens to that energy under your hand when you believe the thought, āHeās lazy.ā
Heather: It just floods out of me. Just seeps out of my toes and goes oozing over to Greg.
Chana: And what happens to your body?
Heather: It collapses. Like a puppet.
Chana: Nothing is holding you up
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