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mound of pain to face.

Chana: Karla, when you believe all that, what do you want to do?

Karla: Honestly? This is going to sound ridiculous, but… I want more ice cream.

Exactly! And I’m sure as she opens the freezer she’ll be telling herself, “This’ll be the very last one…” Then she’ll feel yuckier, which will lead to more ice cream and, of course, more yuck. Karla would become a hamster in a cage, stuck running ‘round and ‘round in the Addiction Loop.

A person can easily spin in and between both the Aggression Tailspin and the Addiction Loop, jumping from anger to cocaine to violence to pizza. That’s why we see rage and addiction packaged together in so many people.

We may crazy-eight in and out of the Addiction Loop and Aggression Tailspin, so it’s important to see them as a paired system. The diagram below shows you how seemingly out-of-control behavior has a logical progression and an available remedy:

How do we stop these crazy cycles? By activating courage. Brene Brown teaches that courage is the strength to share what’s in our heart, to be vulnerable with our emotions. I believe that since we are our own worst critics, we’re also our most challenging audience and the one we have to open up to the most.

First, Karla has to allow herself to feel the sadness that’s sinking her body and motivation to the ground.

Karla: It’s so uncomfortable. I wish I could just have the ice cream.

Chana: Do you really want the ice cream?

Karla: No. I’d rather have peace and a good night’s rest.

Chana: So close your eyes and go back to the moment when you realized that your file was erased. Breathe and permit yourself to feel without judging the feelings or wishing them away.

Karla: Okay, I’m in it.

Chana: The file was deleted, and you’re upset, but are you okay?

Karla: Huh. I never thought of it that way. Yeah, I’m okay. I’m not dying or anything.

Chana: The question is, do you want to continue to feel how you’re feeling?

Karla: For sure not!

Chana: So what do you need to do?

Karla: Um… ask, “What’s the thought?” It’s the one I mentioned earlier. Nothing ever works out for me.

Karla’s pain is a guide: the physical suffering created by her thoughts is her body’s way of letting her know that she’s somehow fighting reality. If she doesn’t want to keep suffering, she’ll need to reassess her thinking.

Chana: Is it true that things don’t ever work out for you?

Karla: Feels like it.

Chana: Can you absolutely know that it’s true that things don’t ever work out for you?

Karla: No.

Chana: We have a pretty good idea of how you react when you believe the thought. I’d like you to take a moment to imagine yourself in front of the computer without believing that things don’t ever work out for you?

Karla: I’m annoyed that I lost my file, but I don’t feel devastated. My body isn’t sinking to the ground. I’m in more of a problem-solving mode.

Chana: Do you have any cravings for ice cream without the thought?

Karla: No, I simply want to get the blog done. I can see myself calling a friend to try and retrieve the file or just starting over again. I’ll finish later than I hoped, but the rewrite will be much faster because I have my thoughts organized better now than when I first started.

Chana: Great. Open your eyes again and give me a turnaround for, “Things don’t ever work out for me.”

Karla: Things do work out for me.

Chana: Give me three reasons why that’s as true or truer than your original thought.

Karla: Even though my computer crashed, it’s up and working again. I’m excited about the ideas in this post and know that even though it’ll take me extra hours of work, it’s going to be a good one.

Chana: One more.

Karla: My blog has been getting more popular every week. It’s working out for me, even though I was originally hesitant to start sharing my ideas on the Internet.

Chana: Wow. That’s inspiring. Can you give me another turnaround?

Karla: My thinking doesn’t ever work out for me.

Chana: And that’s true because…?

Karla: I had this minor setback, and my thinking turned it into a major saga. People lose files all the time. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than that it would be a good idea for me to back up my files.

Chana: Why else is it true?

Karla: My thinking was focused on judging me and my life rather than on solving the challenge I had in front of me. And it led me to binge on ice cream… which I think I’m never buying again. If it’s not there, I’ll be more likely to do Inquiry next time.

Chana: Sounds like a courageous move.

Karla. Yeah. Thanks!

Escaping pain might feel good in the short run, but deprives us of the opportunity to learn and grow beyond the limiting beliefs that pin us down into feeling small and behaving in ways that cause us further suffering. Identifying Aggression and Addiction, stopping them in their tracks, and questioning the beliefs that get us there is the boldest exit from the roller coaster.

Identify The Addiction Loop and Aggression Tailspin when you’re consistently using your “drugs” of choice or engaging in harmful behavior to avoid the pain caused by unexamined beliefs. Take the courage to face your pain and identify the false beliefs fueling it. You can then do Inquiry and move towards peace, joy, and light.

A Fresh Pair of Lenses: UPENDING YOUR SUFFERING

It’s often been said that “seeing is believing”, but in many cases, the reverse is also true. Believing results in seeing.

—Donald L. Hicks

When you shift your consciousness, you see reality with a whole different light. If you are aligned with truth, that light shines a whole lot brighter, but it can also be glaringly bright. How? You’ll have to face all the places that your false beliefs have led you to behave in ways that are dishonest, inconsiderate, sneaky, or downright mean. That can hurt. At the same time, facing your demons and taking responsibility for them, can be the most liberating, honorable, and esteem-building act you’ll ever take. In this section, we’ll dig into how you can shift your perspective, act on new understandings, and build a life in alignment with your highest self.

The Little Green Troll

A mischievous creature who voices your negative thoughts and has a weakness for Snickers.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

—Ron White

Samantha felt as though she was going insane because her sleep was often interrupted by her toddler, Alex. Multiple times a night, he’d hobble into her room and cry for attention. He wanted water, needed to go to the bathroom, was scared, wanted milk, or who knows what else! She woke up exhausted and cranky every morning — so did Alex.

Chana: What, for you, is the most upsetting part of the situation?

Sam: That he keeps coming into my room. He should be sleeping through the night already.

Chana: Does it bother you more that he’s coming into your room or that he’s not sleeping through the night?

Sam: What’s bothering me most is that he’s waking me up. I want to be able to sleep!

Chana: So you believe he shouldn’t wake you up.

Sam: Yes! He’s almost two already. It’s enough!

Chana: Can you absolutely know that it’s true that he shouldn’t

wake you up?

Sam: Yes.

Chana: How do you react when you believe that?

Sam: Angry. This sounds horrible, but I want to yell at him and hurt him. I have to hold myself back from that. And then I feel guilty for being such a bad mom.

Chana: What sensations arise in your body when you believe he shouldn’t wake you up?

Sam: My chest gets hot and tight. Everything gets tense. I’m so mad; so annoyed.

Chana: What are you unable to do when you believe the thought?

Sam: I can’t think straight. I can’t be calm.

Chana: Can you think of a peaceful reason to keep the thought?

Sam: It helps me to focus on getting him back to bed.

Chana: Is that peaceful?

Sam: No. I’m grouchy the whole time.

Chana: So, can you think of a peaceful reason to keep the thought

that he shouldn’t wake you up?

Sam: Oh. No.

Chana: Now. Close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. Imagine you’re lying in bed and your son has just come into your room. How would you be without the thought that he shouldn’t wake you up?

Sam: I don’t even know how to answer that question. He’s there. I’m just so pissed.

Chana: Can you move the thought to the side for a minute? How does your son look without the thought?

Sam: How could the thought not be there? It’s so there.

Sam found it challenging to imagine her life without the thought, and she’s not alone; it can often be the most challenging part of Inquiry. In that situation, I find using an imagery tool helps, especially one of Sam’s creation.

Chana: Okay. I want you to imagine that this thought is being said by some sort of creature who’s in the room with you. What do you see?

Sam: A Little Troll. He’s pea green and hairy with big ears.

Chana: Great. Picture him as clearly as you can. What does he smell like?

Sam: He smells like rotten sewage. Gross.

Chana: What does his voice sound like? Is it really vivid?

Sam: Yes. High pitched and nasal. No way I can sleep with him around.

Chana: Ask him what his favorite food is.

Sam: He loves Snickers.

Chana: Perfect. Can you give him $100 and send him off to the convenience store? Tell him he can buy as many Snickers bars as he wants. He can buy out the store if he wants to!

Sam: He’s so excited, he’s squealing!

Sam’s so identified with the belief that it’s difficult for her to imagine it not being there. Some people are challenged to imagine themselves without a thought because they fear it requires them to create a vacuum in their minds, which feels uncomfortable. By forming the Little Green Troll, Sam literally “sees” the thought leaving her without the anxiety of detachment or the need to fill the space with something else. Remember, this personified being can be anything from a rabbit to a hobbit, but the Troll imagery worked for Sam. Who likes having a Troll around?

Chana: Send the Troll off now and watch him leave with his $100. Now it’s just you and your son in the room. How are you without the Troll there?

Sam: I can see my son. He’s so cute and is struggling to stay asleep. I’m more relaxed and can be more sympathetic to him.

Chana: Now let’s see what this thought is here to teach you. Turn it around. What’s the 180 degree opposite of, “He shouldn’t wake you up?”

Sam: He should wake me up.

Chana: Give me three reasons it’s true.

Sam: He depends on me for everything, and he’s used to asking me for help when he needs it. Nighttime can be lonely and scary, and he doesn’t feel capable of getting to bed

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