The Book of Good Manners - W. C. Green (inspirational books to read txt) 📗

bidding farewell to her visitors, see that she does not overdo it.

While it is not strictly necessary that a hostess should accompany a guest to the depot, yet many still follow this rule, especially in the case of an unmarried woman, and are careful to see to all the details of checking baggage, etc.

In the case of a bachelor, such attention is not necessary.

A hostess conveys at her own expense both the guest and baggage to and from the station.

GREETING VISITORS. When an hour of arrival is specified in an invitation, the guest should be met at the station, especially an unmarried woman, by the hostess or host.

In case of married couples or bachelors, a man servant may meet them.

In all cases the hostess should arrange for the conveyance of both the guests and their luggage.

A hostess accompanies a woman to the guest chamber, but sends a man servant with a bachelor to the latter’s room.

INVITATIONS. These should state definitely when a visit is to begin and to end. It is also a good plan to allude in the invitation to any special amusement or entertainment.

These invitations should be answered promptly.

MEN—DRESS. A man should carry with him one business suit, evening clothes, and one outing suit suitable for afternoon entertainments —as, picnics, tennis, etc. This is almost indispensable, and more depends upon the nature of the entertainments and the length of the visit.

WOMEN—DRESS. A woman should take at least three changes of dress—one to travel in and wear in the morning, one for evening wear, and a third for afternoon picnics, outings, etc. The length of her visit and the nature of the entertainments and her individual taste determines how much she may increase this.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, MEMBER OF. An official letter begins: SIR, and ends: I HAVE, SIR, THE

HONOR TO REMAIN YOUR MOST OBEDIENT SERVANT.

A social letter begins: MY DEAR MR. WILSON

and ends: I HAVE THE HONOR TO REMAIN MOST

SINCERELY YOURS.

The address on the envelope is: HON. JOHN

F. WILSON.

HUSBAND AND WIFE—CARDS, VISITING. See CARDS, VISITING-HUSBAND AND WIFE.

IN MEMORIAM CARDS. Printed or engraved notes, or special cards, can be used, and should be heavily bordered. Custom allows much diversity as to the contents of the card. Place and date of birth, residence, date of death, and any other information of interest to friends and relatives may be given.

INFANT’S CARDS. The full name of the child should be engraved, with date of birth in lower left-hand corner, enclosed in envelope with mother’s card, and sent by mail. Such cards are generally held together with white ribbon.

INFORMAL AFTERNOON TEAS. These are the usual afternoon teas. By formal afternoon teas are meant those for which specially engraved cards have been issued, and at which all the arrangements are more elaborate.

See AFTERNOON TEAS.

INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary Of The Interior.

INTRODUCTIONS. One should be careful in making introductions.

It is easier to evade than to cause disagreeable complications. It is unpardonable to introduce one party to another after having been warned not to do so.

Forgetting a person’s name when about to introduce is awkward, and when it does occur, one should apologize and ask name.

If a person fails to hear the name, it is proper to inform the one to whom you are introduced and to say: “Pardon me, but I failed to hear your name.” In making introductions one should distinctly pronounce the names.

Parents should not speak of or introduce their children as MISS ANNA, but simply MY DAUGHTER ANNA. Only before servants should they be spoken of as MISS ANNA.

Persons of celebrity should have introductions made to them. Men should always be introduced to women, the younger to an elder person, and unmarried persons to the married. Persons at an entertainment are introduced to the guest of the occasion.

Women and men on being introduced may shake hands, but it is not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition is more correct.

Those invited to an entertainment are on equal footing; it is therefore not necessary to introduce one to another. Conversation may be held without this formality, though introductions may take place if desired.

When an introduction occurs, future recognition is not warranted. For this reason great care should be exercised at entertainments that only those who are congenial to each other should be brought together.

At small gatherings it is more kindly to introduce. When many are present, it is not customary to do so.

Introductions should not take place in a church or on the steps.

It is quite proper to introduce one group to another without formality at any outdoor function—athletic games, etc. Such introductions need not imply further acquaintance if undesirable.

DANCING. The man must be introduced to the woman, and he should ask her for the privilege of a dance.

ENTERTAINMENTS. Introductions are not absolutely required at musicales, teas, “At Homes,” etc. One may converse with those nearest, but this does not warrant future recognition.

MEN. Men are introduced to women and single men to married men.

When introduced to a woman, a man should bow but not shake hands, and make some pleasant observations, and express pleasure at the introduction.

When introduced to another man, the man should shake hands.

Business introductions are immediate and personal, and are intended to bring men together without much formality. No formality is required in introducing one man to another on casual meeting.

It is well to avoid exaggerated expressions, as: “Delighted to meet you,” or

“Glad to know you.” A simple “How do you do” is better.

A man introducing another to a woman should first ask her permission to do so.

This gained, he introduces him with the remark: “Mr. Smith desires to be introduced to Miss Wilson.”

A woman’s permission should first be obtained by the party introducing. Very often off-hand introductions take place; but it is better to be more formal and careful, as indicated.

If she evades or declines, a man should accept it without any show of feeling, and make it as easy for her as possible.

After an introduction at an entertainment, when a man meets the woman on the street, she should bow first if she desires to continue the acquaintance.

CHAPERONE. A man should never be introduced direct by card or letter to a young unmarried woman. If he desires to be introduced, the letter or card of introduction should be addressed to her chaperone or mother, who may then introduce him to the young woman if she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask a young man if he wishes to be introduced to the one under her care.

FORMULA. A good formula for men is: “Mr.

Brown, may I present Mr. Clark?”

A man presenting a man friend to a woman should say: “Mr. Williams desires to be presented to Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson, allow me to introduce Mr. Williams. This is Mr. Williams, Miss Wilson.”

The formality is sometimes waved, and the forms, “This is Mr. So and So, Miss Jones,”

“Mrs. Smith, Miss Jones,” or “Allow me to present –-,” are used when casual meetings occur.

PARTY INTRODUCED. After receiving call of party to whom you have been introduced, the visit should be returned. If AT HOME

card was left, the call should be made only on the days specified; if an ordinary card, call at any time within three to ten days.

If the party introduced leaves town, he should send his card to his late host before leaving; upon his return, he should leave his card again.

PARTY INTRODUCING BY CARD—WOMEN. A

note of explanation may be sent by party who brings about the introduction to the party to whom the introduction is made, giving such explanations as may be deemed advisable.

Two cards should be used—a person’s own card and the card of the party being introduced, enclosed in envelope, and sent by mail or messenger. On the left corner over name of party introduced should be written: INTRODUCING MR. WILSON

PARTY INTRODUCING BY LETTER—WOMEN.

Care should be exercised that the introduction is agreeable to all concerned.

RECEPTIONS. The man should express desire for an introduction.

WOMEN. Women calling and meeting others may be introduced to each other by the hostess.

Upon such an occasion, when a meeting happens between women, conversation may take place between them without an introduction.

It does not imply further acquaintance if not desired.

Extreme etiquette demands that no two women of the same locality be introduced to each other without the consent of both parties.

The object of this is that, although the parties may be agreeable to the hostess, they may be objectionable to each other.

Women upon being introduced to each other may shake hands, but a slight inclination of the body, a smile, and an appropriate remark are more correct.

When entering a room where others are assembled, introducing a guest to more than one person at a time is unadvisable.

Men are introduced to women, single women to married women, and a young woman to an older one.

No woman should allow a man to be introduced to her unless her permission has been first obtained. The exception would be in the case of a very elderly man, or a celebrity, when the honor would be conferred upon her.

A married woman to whom a man is presented receives him with some pleasant remark.

An unmarried one receives him with a pleasant smile and repeats his name.

Personal introduction is done by a third party introducing two persons to each other, provided it is agreeable to all concerned. Introductions should be made with extreme

care and caution, and not at all unless one is well acquainted with both parties.

Outdoor Introductions—as, when meeting others, or at outdoor sports—need not be formal, but can be done haphazard. This does not imply further acquaintance if not desired.

FORMULA. A woman should introduce her husband to acquaintances as “My husband,”

and not “Mr.”; to intimate friends as “Henry.”

HOSTESS. Introductions to the hostess at an “At Home,” or reception by women assisting hostess, of those who have been invited to the entertainment by them, are not recognized thereafter unless by mutual consent.

The hostess receiving in her own home should offer her hand to all to whom she is introduced.

The hostess introduces her immediate family to all her guests. No formal permission is necessary.

In the case of one woman desiring an introduction to another, the hostess should be asked to bring this about.

INTRODUCTION, LETTERS OF. The introduction of one person to another by letter is as follows: The party introducing writes the name of the party he introduces upon his own card, and above his name the words: Introducing Mr. Wilson (his friend’s name). It is then placed in an envelope and addressed to the person to whom the introduction is to be made. On the lower left-hand corner of the envelope, Introducing Mr. Wilson, is written, and given to the bearer unsealed.

The party to whom a letter of introduction is given should send it by mail to the party they desire to be introduced to, enclosing their own card with address, and then await invitation to call.

This is preferable to calling in person, as it may not be agreeable or desirable for the party to open and begin such an acquaintance.

In business introduction, such formality may be set aside.

If a letter of introduction is personally delivered, the party presenting it should also