The Book of Good Manners - W. C. Green (inspirational books to read txt) 📗

your Royal Highness’ humble servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends: Your Royal Highness’ most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales.

PRINCESS, ‘ROYAL-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, may it please your Royal Highness, and ends: Your Royal Highness’

most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Madam, and ends: Your Royal Highness’ most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To Her Royal Highness, the Princess of Wales.

PRIVATE WEDDINGS. These are attended only by intimate friends and members of the family, and vary but little from home weddings.

If the family is in mourning the cards are issued with the name of bride and groom and new address, together with card having bride’s maiden name, and the announcement cards are sent after the ceremony.

Afternoon dress should be worn at an afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an evening wedding.

PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE. The time, manner, and details of proposals of marriage are appropriately left to the good taste and judgment of the groom. If the proposal is rejected, good taste, womanly refinement, and courteous consideration demand that it be kept an inviolate secret, and any such breach of confidence may be rightly deemed the act of a woman without taste or tact, and unworthy of respect.

Proposals by women, while permissible, are not customary.

PUBLIC BALLS, By public balls are meant county and charity balls, and balls given by social institutions where dancing is the main feature.

These public balls differ from private ones in that all the duties of the hostess fall upon some committees.

These committees would follow the same rules as laid down for a hostess—issuing engraved invitations from fourteen to seventeen days in advance, engaging a caterer, etc.

The etiquette for a public ball is the same as for a private one, save that guests arrive and depart when they please without taking leave of those who receive, and men wishing introductions apply for them to the Floor or Reception Committee.

At the cloak-rooms a small fee is paid to the attendant.

SEE ALSO all entries under Balls.

BADGES. It is customary for the men and women on the committees to wear on the left side of the breast ornamental and embroidered badges, with the official position designated on it.

COMMITTEE. The committee at a public ball takes the place of the hostess, filling all her duties and offices.

PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management formally to invite six, eight, or more married women to act as patronesses of the ball, and for their names to appear on the invitations. If badges are prepared for the patronesses, one is sent to each patroness or handed to her on the evening of the dance.

The patronesses should be welcomed at the ball by the management, and they then take their position ready to receive the guests.

The management should look after the patronesses, to see that they are taken into supper, to introduce prominent guests to them, and, finally, to escort the patronesses to their carriages.

PUBLIC PLACES. SEE ALSO ELEVATORS. RESTAURANTS, STREET-CARS. STREET ETIQUETTE.

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters-standing for Repondez, s’il vous plait (Answer, if you please)-is decreasing. All invitations to which acceptances are expected should be answered at once. If preferred, however, the above abbreviations may be used on the following: invitations to ceremonious receptions, breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, and to meet a prominent person.

RAILROAD-MEN. A man should remove his hat in a parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

RECALLING WEDDING INVITATIONS. When from some good reason a wedding has to be canceled or postponed, the parents of the bride should send, as soon as possible, printed notices, giving reasons to all the guests.

RECEPTIONS. Reception days are placed in the lower left-hand corner of visiting-cards-as, UNTIL

LENT, or, In JANUARY-and may be either engraved or written.

Daughters have no reception day of their own, but receive on their mother’s reception day.

The etiquette at receptions is the same as at afternoon teas.

SEE ALSO AFTERNOON TEAS. AT HOMES.

HOURS. Afternoon receptions are held from 4 to 7 P.M.

Evening receptions are held from 9 to 11 P.M.

INVITATIONS, ACCEPTING OR DECLINING. These should be acknowledged within a week, either by a letter accepting, or declining with regret.

INTRODUCTIONS. The man should seek an introduction to any woman he wants to meet.

The hostess makes what introductions she deems proper.

DRESS. For an afternoon reception guests should wear afternoon dress, and for an evening reception evening dress.

AFTERNOON, GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS’ TEAS.

EVENING. The etiquette is the same as for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards are left by the guests, and that the guests should wear evening dress.

See also AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS.

REFRESHMENTS.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. The refreshments are placed on tables, and the guests help themselves or are helped by the bridesmaids.

The groom and bride are waited upon by the guests.

REGISTER, SIGNING OF. This is sometimes done by the bride and the groom. This takes place in the vestry, and the best man signs as chief witness and some of the guests as witnesses.

REHEARSALS, WEDDING. Rehearsals should be held even for a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficiently early date to insure the presence of all who are to participate.

REPORTERS AT WEDDINGS. If such is the wish of the family of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters, and furnishes them with the names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description of gowns, and other suitable details.

RESIDENCE, CHANGE OF—WOMEN. After a change of residence, the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.

RESTAURANTS. If at a table, and a woman bows, the man should rise and bow in return. If a man is one of a party sitting at a table, and a woman with her escort stops to pass greetings, he should rise and stand until they depart.

One man introduced to another who is surrounded by male friends should rise to acknowledge the honor of the introduction.

When a man is with a woman he should exercise great care in recognizing male acquaintances who may be in doubtful company.

He should avoid being in such company himself when in such places.

Smoking in restaurants is a general custom.

The rules of the house govern this.

All fees to the waiters should be paid by the one who pays the bills. If a woman is paying her own bill when with a man, it is in order for her to fee the waiter.

RIBBONS AT CHURCH WEDDINGS. One way of

distinguishing the pews reserved for the family, relatives, and dearest friends of both families is the placing of white ribbons at the dividing pews. Before the arrival of the bride, the ushers, in pairs, at the same time, untie these ribbons, and stretch them along the outside of these pews, and thus enclose the guests and bar further intrusion.

If these ribbons are used, it is a good plan to enclose in the wedding invitation a card giving number of pew.

The advantage of not using ribbons is the avoidance of any possible discrimination.

RICE AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of rice is to be discouraged; but if it is to be done, the maid of honor should prepare packages of rice and hand them to the guests, who throw it after the bridal couple as they leave the house for their wedding trip.

RIDING.

MEN. When riding with a woman, a man should always assist her both to mount and to alight, even if a groom is present.

It is customary for the woman to set the pace, and for the man, who always rides on her right, to accommodate himself to her—

trotting, galloping, or walking his horse as she may do.

He should always be ready to open all gates for her, and to do all things that will make the riding pleasant for her. If at a fox-hunt, this would mean that he must be ready to sacrifice much of his personal pleasure that she may enjoy herself.

DRESS. There is a perfectly well-accepted dress for men who ride in the park, though it is open to elderly men to wear clothes less pronounced.

The correct dress is full riding-breeches, close-fitting at the knee, leggings, a high-buttoned waistcoat, and a coat with the conventional short cutaway tails. The hat is an alpine or a derby, and the tie the regulation stock. These, with riding-gloves and a riding-crop, constitute the regular riding-dress for a young man.

A man should always consult his tailor, that the dress in all its details may be strictly up to date.

WOMEN—DRESS. There is a well-prescribed riding-dress for women as for men. The habit of dark material, with skirt falling just over the feet when in the saddle, and the close-fitting waist, with long or short tails, together with the white collar and black or white tie, constitute the regulation dress.

The derby hat is smaller than formerly.

Gloves of a dark color and a crop with a bone handle are always in place. Any jewelry, save that which is absolutely necessary, should be shunned.

In summer it is permissible to modify this costume.

As in the case of a man, a woman should consult a tailor of good practical experience, that her costume may be in the correct style.

RING, ENGAGEMENT. See ENGAGEMENT RING.

RING, WEDDING. See WEDDING RING.

RISING FROM THE TABLE. The signal to leave the table is always given by the women, and the men rise to let the women pass. At a formal dinner the signal is given by the hostess.

SALT is best taken up with the tip of the knife.

SALTED NUTS are eaten with the fingers.

SEAT OF HONOR is at the right of the host.

SECOND HELPING. At formal dinner parties, luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings are never offered by the host or hostess, and should not be asked for by the guests. This is only permissible at a small dinner party or at the daily family meal.

Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water, for which the guest asks, or for wine. It is the duty of the waiter to see that the guest is constantly supplied.

SECOND MARRIAGES. See WIDOWS—WEDDINGS.

SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE. See AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF COMMERCE. See COMMRCE, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF INTERIOR. SEE INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF NAVY. SEE NAVY, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF STATE. See STATE, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF TREASURY. See TREASURY, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF WAR. SEE WAR, SECRETARY OF.

SEEDS should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork, or dropped into the half-closed hand.

SENATOR—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Senator Wilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Senator John J. Wilson, or, To the Hon. John J.

Wilson.

SERVANTS-TIPPING. It is customary for guests leaving a house after a visit to tip the servants, unless positively requested by the hostess not to do so. The average tip would be one dollar, with more for extra attention.

SHAKING HANDS.

DANCES. It is not customary to shake hands at formal dances.

HOST AND HOSTESS. The host and the hostess should shake hands with each guest as they arrive.

If guest takes leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands. If they are surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

MEN. At a wedding, the opera, or a dance, and all very formal occasions, gloves should not be removed when shaking hands.

If the hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with