The Book of Good Manners - W. C. Green (inspirational books to read txt) 📗

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Title: The Book of Good Manners

Author: W. C. Green

Release Date: March, 2004 [EBook #5255]

[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]

[This file was first posted on June 14, 2002]

Edition: 10

Language: English

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS ***

Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS

A GUIDE TO POLITE USAGE

FOR ALL SOCIAL FUNCTIONS

W. C. GREEN

THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS is a complete and authentic authority on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America. The author has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least possible effort in searching through the pages.

ACCEPTING OR DECLINING INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS, ACCEPTING OR DECLINING.

ACCIDENTS. See STREET ETIQUETTE—MEN—ACCIDENTS.

ADDRESS. The address of a person may be stamped on the stationery.

If the address is stamped, it is not customary to stamp also the crest or monogram.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

MEN. A man should be addressed as Mr. James J, Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not the two together.

The title belonging to a man should be given. It is not customary to use Mr. or Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used.

WOMEN. A woman’s name should always have the Miss or Mrs.

A woman should never be given her husband’s official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.

If a woman has a title of her own, she should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson, when the letter is a professional one. If a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.

ADDRESSING PERSONS. Young girls should be spoken of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie, but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie.

Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man in addressing a young girl as Minnie.

Parents should introduce their daughter as My daughter Minnie, but should speak of them before servants as Miss Minnie.

A married woman should be spoken of as Mrs. Agnes Wilson, and personally addressed as Mrs. Wilson.

ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS. All answers to invitations should be addressed to the party issuing them.

Letters to a woman who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs.

Wilson.

Letters to a man who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr.

Wilson.

For forms of addressing persons with titles, as Mayor, see under that title—as, Mayor, Governor.

The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or Very truly yours, or I remain yours with kindest regards.

The signature of a man should be John J.

Wilson or J. Jones Wilson.

An unmarried woman should sign social letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson.

In signing a business letter, a married woman may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson, or, preferably,

Agnes Wilson

(Mrs. John Wilson)

AFTERNOON CALLS. These should be made between three and half-past five, and if possible on regular at home days.

In making an afternoon call a man should wear the regulation afternoon dress.

DRESS—MEN. Afternoon dress consists of a double-breasted frock coat of dark material, and waistcoat, either single or double-breasted, of same, or of some fancy material of late design. The trousers should be of light color, avoiding of course extremes in patterns.

White or delicate color linen shirts should be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and undressed kid gloves of dark color.

Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons, church funerals, and at all afternoon functions.

See also EVENING DRESS—MEN. MORNING

DRESS—MEN.

AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS. See AFTERNOON TEAS.

GIVEN BY BACHELORS, See BACHELORS’ TEAS.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). These are very successful as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense and few exactions, and are given with many purposes: to introduce young women into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a number of her friends, to honor some woman of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which cards have been issued, naming set date.

Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house. A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another African Teas man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion to keep back the onlookers, and should receive a small fee for his services.

At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.

CARDS. Each guest should leave a card in the tray in the hall.

A woman may leave the cards of the men of her family who have been unable to attend.

Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter. If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.

DAUGHTERS. The daughters who have passed the debutante age usually stand for an hour beside their mother to receive the guests, and afterward mingle with the guests to help to make the function a success.

DEBUTANTE. When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion.

The host and the men all wear the regulation afternoon dress.

Women wear costumes appropriate to the afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving, provided they do not come at the opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing-rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them.

On entering the room, the women precede the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced to those receiving with her, the guests move into the middle of the room.

Guests go the dining-room when they wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty minutes is long enough. It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.

If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands.

In the dining-room the men, assisted by the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST. Except when a newly married couple give a house-warming or a reception, the host does not stand beside his wife, but spends the time in making introductions, and doing his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.

HOSTESS. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door, ready to receive each guest as announced.

The hostess shakes hands with each guest, and introduces them to those receiving with her.

Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS. The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. The hostess should introduce her guests to those receiving with her.

See also INTRODUCTION.

INVITATIONS. Engraved invitations are sent a week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.

They are usually issued in the name of the hostess only, though they may be issued in the name of both husband and wife.

In place of the visiting-card, an “At Home” card may be used, or cards specially engraved for the purpose.

When cards are sent to a married couple, the cards are addressed to both husband and wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING. It is not necessary to accept or decline these invitations, as the guest accepts by his presence. If unable to do so, he should send by mail or messenger a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during the ceremony.

When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards. If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one present at the function, she can leave cards for the rest of the family.

MEN. Both the host and men wear the regulation afternoon dress, consisting of the long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth, and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie, a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather shoes complete the costume.

The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases—remembering that he must offer his ungloved right hand to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS. Guests on being presented to the hostess should shake hands. If guest takes leave of hostess, they should shake hands. If the hostess is surrounded by guests, a pleasant