The Book of Good Manners - W. C. Green (inspirational books to read txt) 📗

leave a card, but should not ask to see those in trouble unless a very near and dear acquaintanceship warrants.

For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless the request has been made to send none.

CARDS. A visiting-card is used with the word CONDOLENCE written on it, and should be left in person if possible, but may be sent or mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied by a note of apology. If out of town, it should be sent by mail with letter of condolence.

A MR. and MRS. card may be used at any time for condolence, except for intimate friends.

LETTERS. Only the most intimate and dear friends should send letters of condolence, and they may send flowers with the note unless the request has been made to send none.

CONGRATULATIONS.

BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by messenger.

Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

CARDS. A MR. and MRS. card can be used at any time for congratulations. If left in person, which is preferable, the card should be accompanied by a kindly message, and, if sent by mail or messenger’ the word CONGRATULATIONS

should be written on it. Business and professional men are not required to make personal calls, and so may send their cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can be used for all but near friends.

When a card is left in person, with a message of congratulations, nothing should be written thereon.

A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants the action.

Congratulations upon the birth of a child may be expressed by a man to its father by sending a card with the word Congratulations written on it, or by leaving it in person.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged to be married.

WEDDINGS. Congratulations may be sent with letter of acceptance or declination to a wedding to those sending the invitations. And if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant, a note of congratulations may be sent to them also.

Guests in personal conversation with the latter give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. In accepting or declining invitations to wedding anniversaries, congratulations may be extended.

CONVERSATION AT DINNERS. Aim at bright and general conversation, avoiding all personalities and any subject that all cannot join in. This is largely determined by the character of the company. The guests should accommodate themselves to their surroundings.

COOKS-TIPS. It is customary for men who have been guests at a house party when they leave to remember the cook by sending her a tip.

CORN ON THE COB is eaten with the fingers of one hand.

A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat them with the aid of a fork.

CORNER OF CARD TURNED DOWN. This is no longer done by persons when calling and leaving cards.

CORRESPONDENCE. How to address official and social letters. See under title of person addressed —as, ARCHBISHOP, etc.

COSTUME BALLS.—INVITATIONS. Invitations are similar to invitations to balls, except that they have in place of DANCING in the lower left-hand corner. COSTUME OF THE XVIIIth CENTURY, BAL

MASQUE, OR BAL POUDRE.

COTILLIONS. Germans are less formal than balls.

Supper precedes the dancing. Those who do not dance or enjoy it can leave before that time.

The etiquette is the same as for balls.

DRESS. The regulation evening dress is worn.

HOSTESS. The rules governing a hostess when giving a ball are the same for a cotillion, with this addition—that there should be an even number of men and women, and, failing this, more men than women.

It is for the hostess to choose the leader of the cotillion, and to him are entrusted all its details.

At the conclusion of the cotillion the hostess stands at the door with the leader at her side, to receive the greetings and the compliments of the guests.

See also BALLS—HOSTESS.

INVITATIONS. The invitations are engraved, and the hour for beginning is placed in the lower left-hand corner, and are sent out two weeks in advance. They may be sent in one envelope.

Such invitations should be promptly accepted or declined.

COTILIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. These are given by leading society women, who subscribe to a fund sufficient to pay all expenses of the entertainment. They are usually held in some fashionable resort where suitable accommodations can be had.

Guests are shown to the cloak-room, where attendants check their wraps.

After the supper, the German, or cotillion, begins. Those not dancing in this generally retire. When leaving, guests should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.

DRESS. Full dress is worn by all.

INVITATIONS. The patronesses whose names appear on the back of the cards are the subscribers.

They send out the invitations to their friends. A presentation card, to be shown at the door, is sent with the invitation.

MEN. Men wear evening dress.

The men wait upon their partners and themselves at the table, the waiters assisting, unless small tables are used, when the patronesses sit by themselves, and others form groups as they like. The guests are served by the waiters, as at a dinner.

When retiring, guests should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.

PATRONESSES. The patronesses stand in line to receive the guests, bowing or shaking hands as they prefer.

When supper is announced, the leading patroness leads the way with her escort, the others following. If small tables are used, the patronesses sit by themselves.

WOMEN. Women wear full dress.

When guests depart, they should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.

COUNTESS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable The Countess of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Countess of Kent.

COUNTRY CALLS. The usual rule in calling is for the residents to call first upon the temporary cottage people, and between these latter the early comers call first upon those coming later.

In the city there is no necessity for neighbors to call upon each other.

CRACKERS should be broken into small pieces and eaten with the fingers.

CRESTS. If men and women wish, these may be stamped in the latest fashionable colors on their stationery. It is not customary to use a crest and a stamped address on the same paper.

The present fashion in crests is that they should be of small size.

It is not usual to stamp the crest on the flap of the envelope.

If sealing-wax is used, some dull color should be chosen.

A person should avoid all individual eccentricities and oddities in stamping, such as facsimile autographs, etc.

CRYSTAL WEDDINGS. This anniversary comes after fifteen years of married life, and the invitations may bear the words: No presents received, and on their acceptance or declination, congratulations may be extended. An entertainment should be provided for. Any article of crystal or glass is appropriate as a gift.

DANCES.

CARRIAGES. A man should secure his carriage-check when leaving his carriage. It is safer to take wraps and coats to the house in case of accidents.

When taking a woman wearing evening dress to a ball or dance, a man should provide a carriage.

DEBUTANTE. See DANCES—WOMEN—DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. Evening dress is worn by men and women.

DINNER INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations—one for those invited to both dinner and dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.

For the former, the hostess should use her usual engraved dinner cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way is to use, instead of the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following written in the lower left-hand corner: Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.

INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of regret within one week.

MEN. ASKING A WOMAN TO DANCE. A man

asks for the privilege of a dance, either with the daughter of the hostess or with any guest of the latter or any young woman receiving with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt in keeping his appointment.

It is her privilege to end the dance, and, when it is ended, he should conduct her to her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find her a seat—after which he is at perfect liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.

DEBUTANTE. At a debutante’s reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once, and the others follow.

INVITATIONS. Invitations to balls or assemblies should be answered immediately; if declined, the ticket should be returned. A man should call or leave cards a few days before the affair.

SUPPER. At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided, a man should not sit alone with his partner, but make up a party in advance, and keep together.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him.

At supper the senior patroness leads the way, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women.

When small tables are used the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

TRONESSES. Their duties are varied and responsible—among them, the subscription to the expenses of the entertainments.

The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties —as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball-room, and all other details.

While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.

Those devising new features and surprises for such an occasion will give the most successful ball.

The one most active and having the best business ability should take the lead.

Lists should be compared, in order to avoid duplicate invitations.

The tickets should be divided among the patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them among their friends.

The patronesses should be at the ball-room in ample time before the arrival of the guests, to see that all is in readiness.

They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests. They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last.

If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance.

A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged conversation should be avoided.

A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute. If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others.

They should be the last to leave as well as the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes brilliantly.

SUPPER. The senior patroness leads the way to