Eyes Like Ice - Radia Al Rashid (novels in english .TXT) 📗

The blipping of the machines becomes absolutely deafening at one point. I am shifting on each side restlessly while lying on the bed for God knows how long. The flickering light is peeking through the tiny slit created by the slightly open door. I keep staring at the light with something inside of my heart. I don’t really know what is it that I am looking for, but I just cannot keep my eyes away from the door. Suddenly the vision gets immensely blurry and I can no longer move my head. A huge mountain seems to come over the eyes. I open my mouth to call after Julia, but it is too hard to even find my voice. I feel the sweat dripping over my brows. The vision keeps getting blurrier and blurrier. I give the last shot to make a sound out of my mouth but fail again. To my greatest surprise, I find my right hand reaching out to the pillow beside me. My eyes are expanded with astonishment as I clearly am not the one who is moving it. As soon as I feel the pillow under my palm, the nurse rushes into my room. She calls for the doctor with a sharp terror in her voice. My face feels the pressure of a pillow and I black out.

“Eve? You okay darl?” Julia shakes me by my shoulder.

I struggle to open my eyes. Her face comes into my vision but I fail to recognize it for a couple of minutes. It takes me some more minutes to sense the reality. I mutter something that I even do not quite comprehend. I look up and let out a deep breath.

“I-I think so.” I manage to reply in a cracked voice which sounds unreal to my own ears.

“Thank God! I cannot afford to lose anyone of the family anymore Eve, in future don’t freak me out like this. Please, stay alive and get well real soon. Promise me you’ll live.” Just when Julia pauses after saying it, I notice the tears streaming down her face. She is shaking as she intertwines her fingers with mine. I try to smile in reply but it ends up in tears and I nod at her.

“What actually happened, Jules? I cannot clearly remember anything... um, was I fainting or, someone else wanted to choke me with a pillow or something...?” I squint at my sister as the bright light is falling on my blinking eyes.

“Eve, it’s... I mean it’s you” she suddenly swallows the lump in her throat as she looks at William, her fiancé.

“Me? Me what, Jules? Spit it out.”

“Calm, Calm down, Eve! You just had a brain surgery only a few days back, it’s more like suicide to get excited at this point. Jules didn’t mean anything, trust me. It’s nothing serious. You were drained off of energy so you fainted, as simple as that. No worries at all. You really need to give your brain a bit of rest now. Try to sleep maybe, we’ll be right here.” William puts his palm on my temple and grins. I am not in the state of deciphering any of what is going on now. I attempt to remember the exact incident from earlier when my eyes freeze at my right hand. Is it really mine? Something about it does not feel right. My head spins the moment I try to dig deeper into my thoughts. The darn surgery certainly takes a good deal of a toll on me. I look at Julia again with a hope to get the undercurrent going on here.

“When will I return home, Jules?” I struggle to breathe.

“You’re yet to get stabilized hon, you need to completely heal first, then you can go home. Stop worrying about anything right now. Try to sleep, okay?” she squeezes my hand.

Nodding at her, I close my eyes. Every nerve of my head keeps throbbing with intense pain. I cannot remember having anything close to this pain ever before. Sweat begins to drip down my forehead. I am restless, not for nothing. The ghastly accident is haunting me 24/7. The apparitions of my parents are constantly pushing me towards the psychological downward spiral of mine. I can neither cry nor digest the excruciating feeling. The darkened world of closed vision turns into sort of a greyish and reddish pit. More like a devilish hue takes over the entire world. The heavy thud deafens my ears. Suddenly the broken pieces of glass float over my head and something incredibly sharp hits the back of my skull. The indistinct sounds of ambulance-siren fill the air. I try so hard to keep my eyes open although the vision keeps getting blurrier. I hear Mom’s voice, “Honey! Watch out...”  the voice sounds ethereal, and unusually distant. After that, everything becomes dead silent. Just like scene transitions in a drama, the whole scene becomes blank, then an unearthly light blinds my sight. I find myself standing in the middle of a huge yard which I never saw before in my life. Mom comes out from behind a bunch of bushy trees wearing an eerily white cloth. She smiles at me with an untold sorrow in her eyes. She points at something behind me. I turn back to find out the bridge where the accident seemed to take place. Instead of a pile of broken glass and distorted body of Dad’s car, I see only blood, ocean of blood bubbling disgustingly on the bridge. I swallow hard to halt throwing up and turn to face Mom immediately. She is nowhere to be found. I look for her like crazy. I open my mouth to yell her name but nothing comes out. I feel the warm tears flooding down my cheeks yet I cannot afford to make any sound out of my mouth. I pant sharply before feeling a touch on my throat. I spin my head instantly to face the person standing beside me. I see something moving enveloped with grey fog. I inhale deeply as my lungs are dying for air. I feel the pressure of the hand on my throat deepened gradually. I try to brush it off but fail. I start panting aggressively and scratch the hand with all my energy left in the body. A ting of pain spreads down my right side. I managed to finally let some sort of a sound out of my paralyzed mouth. I push myself out of the horrible sleep and sit straight on the bed. Julia runs towards me with her eyes filled with horror and worries. I keep panting while tears flood down my face.

“Holy freaking molly! You’re bleeding, Evelyn. Your arm is bruised and... it’s bleeding.” Julia screams.

The doctor thoroughly checks me and assures that it’s absolutely normal to experience some of these weird symptoms after such a major surgery in brain. He explains it to be something called Alien Hand Syndrome, which he believes to go away within 2-3 days. Julia lets out a huge sigh of relief. Though everything seemed to be out of control just a while back, I somehow begin to feel lighter and the agonizing fear starts to fade out. I lift my eyes and stare at the ceiling with the thought, I need to go on, no matter how worse it gets although I honestly don’t know how things can get any worse after losing my parents. The ticking of the clock lingers monotonously... sometimes synching with the droplets of my tears.

                                ……………………………………………….

“Welcome home Eve! The house has been the gloomiest without you.” Serena smiles at me with the side of her eyes wrinkled. She has been the housemaid ever since I learnt to talk. Her Hispanic accent has some sort of magical healing power. I actually am feeling much better after hearing the familiar, homely voice.

“How are you doing, Serena? I’ve missed you a lot in the past few months. Why didn’t you go check on me?” I hug her.

“You know mija, how overwhelmed I become in time of distress and my panic just makes things worse. This is why Jules told me not to visit you at hospital. I’ve missed you more.” She softly brushes a kiss on my forehead.

“Let’s not linger any longer here ha? You need ABSOLUTE rest for at least two more weeks missy.” Julia pretends to sound mad.

“Two more weeks? You kidding…”

“No! no more excuses, you need that, sweetheart. Do not be even a little careless that can cause any further problems, ok?” Julia cuts me off.

I nod like a 3-years-old and go upstairs. The smell of the room arises a mixed emotion inside of me. It feels immensely cozy and homely but at the same time it makes all the memories rush through my mind. The reckless laughter of dad and the sweet yet enraged voice of mom fill my ears. I struggle not to give in and my heart starts to pound heavily while my eyes beginning to flood with tears, again. My breaths are shakily leaving my lungs while I keep looking at nothing amidst the room filled with furniture. The trauma is being too much for me to handle. This is the bone crashing agony that makes my wish for death take over all the time. It’d be better to lie down in the grave rather than living a life filled with darkness.

“You haven’t changed yet?” Julia’s voice catches me off-guard. I turn to face her.

“You-you’re crying again, Eve! Don’t you remember Dr. Gerard strictly forbade you to cry. It’s not good for you right now girl, try to understand.”

“I know Julia! Do you think I’m a little kid not to get it right? I just can’t take these anymore. It’s impossible for me to stand here and not think about mom and dad. It is impossible not to cry after having that big of an accident, Julia! You don’t understand because you didn’t have to go through what I experienced.” The pitch of my voice suddenly becomes sharp.

Julia pauses for a while. Nearing me, she puts a hand on my arm, “I can understand the pain that is killing you every single moment, Eve. Yet-yet you need to at least try to calm down. Just like Doc Gerard said, try to think about a whole new world, start imagining a new life there. Try to come up with anything…anything you want, but you need to keep your mind out of the mess for some days. Please, Eve, don’t give up already cos I know how strong a girl you are. You can do it, you got this, okay?” she looks at me with glistened eyes.

“Yah! I’m sorry for reacting like a complete bitch, I will try, and I know I can do this.” I purse my lips and squeeze her hand resting on my arm.

The first four or five days are spent with a lot more relapses and terrible episodes of elongating and shrinking of objects around me, also my right hand going out of control and trying