Our American Cousin - Tom Taylor (books for new readers txt) 📗

show it to me, I don’t want to look at it, the fortune should have come to Mary, she is the only relation in the direct line. Asa Trenchard Say, cousin, you’ve not told her that darned property was left to me, have you? Florence Trenchard Do you think I had the heart to tell her of her misfortune? Asa Trenchard Wal, darn me, if you didn’t show your good sense at any rate. Goes up to dairy. Florence Trenchard Well, what are you doing, showing your good sense? Asa Trenchard Oh, you go long. Florence Trenchard Say, cousin, I guess I’ve got you on a string now, as I heard you say this morning. Asa Trenchard Wal, what if you have, didn’t I see you casting sheep’s eyes at that sailor man this morning? Ah, I reckon I’ve got you on a string now. Say, has he got that ship yet? Florence Trenchard No, he hasn’t, though I’ve used all my powers of persuasion with that Lord Dundreary, and his father has so much influence with the admiralty. Asa Trenchard Wal, din’t he drop like a smoked possum? Florence Trenchard There you go, more American. No, he said he was very sorry, but he couldn’t. Asa Trenchard Taking bottle out. Oh, he did, did he? Wal, I guess he’ll do his best all the same. Florence Trenchard I shall be missed at the archery grounds. Will you take me back? Asa Trenchard Like a streak of lightning. Offers arm and takes her to dairy. Florence Trenchard That’s not the way. Asa Trenchard No, of course not. Takes her round stage back to dairy. Florence Trenchard Well, but where are you going now? Asa Trenchard I was just going round. I say, cousin, don’t you think you could find your way back alone. Florence Trenchard Why, what do you want to do? Asa Trenchard Wal, I just wanted to see how they make cheese is this darned country. Exits into dairy. Florence Trenchard Laughing. And they call that man a savage; well, I only wish we had a few more such savages in England. Lord Dundreary Without, R. 2 E. This way, lovely sufferer. Florence Trenchard Ah, here’s Dundreary. Lord Dundreary enters with Georgina, places her in rustic chair, R. Lord Dundreary There, repothe yourself. Georgina Thank you, my lord; you are so kind to me, and I am so delicate. Florence Trenchard Yes, you look delicate, dear; how is she this morning, any better? Lord Dundreary When she recovers, she’ll be better. Florence Trenchard I’m afraid you don’t take good care of her, you are so rough. Lord Dundreary No, I’m not wruff, either. Sings. I’m gentle and I’m kind, I’m⁠—I forget the rest Florence Trenchard Well, good morning, dear⁠—do take care of her⁠—good day, Dundreary. Exit through gate. Lord Dundreary Now, let me administer to your wants. How would you like a roast chestnut? Georgina No, my lord, I’m too delicate. Lord Dundreary Well, then, a peanut; there is a great deal of nourishment in peanuts. Georgina No, thank you. Lord Dundreary Then what can I do for you? Georgina If you please, ask the dairy maid to let me have a seat in the dairy. I am afraid of the draft, here. Lord Dundreary Oh! you want to get out of the draft, do you? Well, you’re not the only one that wants to escape the draft. Is that the dairy on top of that stick? Points to pigeon house. Georgina No, my lord, that’s the pigeon house. Lord Dundreary What do they keep in pigeon houses? Oh! pigeons, to be sure; they couldn’t keep donkeys up there, could they? That’s the dairy, I suppothe? Georgina Yes, my lord. Lord Dundreary What do they keep in dairies? Georgina Eggs, milk, butter and cheese. Lord Dundreary What’s the name of that animal with a head on it? No, I don’t mean that, all animals have heads. I mean those animals with something growing out of their heads. Georgina A cow? Lord Dundreary A cow growing out of his head? Georgina No, no, horns. Lord Dundreary A cow! well, that accounts for the milk and butter; but I don’t see the eggs; cows don’t give eggs; then there’s the cheese⁠—do you like cheese? Georgina No, my lord. Lord Dundreary Does your brother like cheese? Georgina I have no brother. I’m so delicate. Lord Dundreary She’s so delicate, she hasn’t got a brother. Well, if you had a brother do you think he’d like cheese? Georgina I don’t know; do please take me to the dairy. Lord Dundreary Well, I will see if I can get you a broiled sardine. Exit into dairy. Georgina Jumps up. Oh! I’m so glad he’s gone. I am so dreadful hungry. I should like a plate of corn beef and cabbage, eggs and bacon, or a slice of cold ham and pickles. Lord Dundreary Outside. Thank you, thank you. Georgina Running back to seat. Here he comes. Oh! I am so delicate. Enter Lord Dundreary. Lord Dundreary I beg you pardon, Miss Georgina, but I find upon enquiry that cows don’t give sardines. But I’ve arranged it with the dairy maid so that you can have a seat by the window that overlooks the cow house and the pig sty, and all the pretty things. Georgina I’m afraid I’m very troublesome. Lord Dundreary Yes, you’re very troublesome, you are. No, I mean you’re a lovely sufferer, that’s the idea. They go up to cottage door. Enter Asa Trenchard, running against Lord Dundreary. Lord Dundreary There’s that damned rhinoceros again. Exit into cottage, with Georgina. Asa Trenchard There goes that benighted aristocrat and that little toad of a sick gal. Looks off. There he’s a settling her in a chair and covering her all over with shawls. Ah! it’s a caution, how these women do fix our flint for us. Here he comes. Takes out bottle. How are you, hair dye. Goes behind dairy. Enter Lord Dundreary. Lord Dundreary That lovely Georgina puts me in mind of that beautiful piece of poetry. Let me see how it goes. The rose is red, the violet’s blue. Asa Trenchard tips