First Kiss Last by Sara Miller (read e book .TXT) 📗

tighten around her. Cade held her as her words tumbled out, rushed together. “I lost the baby and I can’t have more and they don’t know why and it doesn’t even matter ’cause Eric doesn’t even want—” She stopped, unable to get out another word. Leah wept, heartbroken for what she could never have.

She had never admitted to anyone why she married Eric. Few people knew about her miscarriage and even less knew about her infertility. Cade had wanted to know why she did not have children, well, now he knew. Something was wrong with her: her body did not work right. Thankfully, he did not offer any platitudes. He simply held her close as she cried.

When she finally calmed enough to open her eyes, she was back on the apartment roof. The sun was setting and her tears felt frozen on her face. There was no point in continuing to sit here. She could not return to Cade to finish the conversation. Leah was not sure what she would say even if she could. She got up and made her way downstairs.

Letting herself back into the now almost completely dark apartment, Leah didn’t bother with lights. She quickly switched the laundry over. The new, clean bedding was in the laundry basket but after carrying it to the bedroom, realized she had no energy to make the bed.

She dug around until she found an old t-shirt from some marathon Eric had convinced her to do. She hated running. She slipped on the shirt, grabbed an extra blanket from the linen closet and curled up on the stiff couch.

Leah clicked on the entertainment center and tuned on some old-school country music. Eric would be horrified. She let it play quietly in the background.

Spotting her phone on the coffee table, Leah checked it for the first time since getting home from shopping. Still nothing from Eric. A “love ya, sis!” from Lily with a cute pic of her nieces. It made her smile. She sent a heart with the number 2 back.

There was one more message. It was from Cade. He continued to private message her even though she never accepted his friend request. She was not replying to them but she knew the app would show him when she viewed what he sent.

With one little icon, he let her know he understood and shared the heartbreak of her situation. Heartbreak she had told him about in the dream.

And how could Cade understand her so easily when her own husband could not?

Leah stared at the broken-heart emoji.

Yes, she thought, it really is.

Chapter 9

Eric showed back up Monday night. He brought home take-out as if everything between them was normal. Leah sat across the table from him, watching him eat. The silence unnerved her, so she spoke.

“How was your trip?”

“Good.” He took a large bite and kept his head down.

Question after question raced through her brain. Where did he go? Who was he with? What did they do? Why wouldn’t he talk about it? They had not seen each other in days and that was all he had to say? She picked at her food, a meatless grain bowl, wishing Eric would elaborate. She tried a different line of conversation.

“I went shopping with Lily on Saturday.”

“That’s nice.” Eric rose to take care of his plate.

Leah scowled. Didn’t he care? Why wasn’t he curious? She was thankful Eric had his back to her because she could not hide her annoyance. Instead, she stabbed at a piece of tofu. It did little to relieve her frustration.

“I’m gonna go do my laundry.” Eric left the room and Leah finished eating by herself.

The rest of the evening was just as quiet. Leah sat in the living room reading while Eric lounged on the couch flipping through the channels. She couldn’t help but wonder if he felt as unsettled as she did. The only program he watched all the way through was the nightly news. When it was over, he turned off the TV and left the room.

Leah finished the page she was on, marked her spot in her book and followed him. They readied for bed with an awkwardness Leah had not felt since the first year in their marriage. She came out of the bathroom to find him waiting for her in the hall.

“Goodnight, babe.” He kissed her forehead. Leah watched him turn and enter the guest bedroom, closing the door behind him. She stared at the door. Tonight felt surreal. She wondered how long this would last.

The next few days passed with a similar routine. Aside from the kiss at bedtime, they lived like roommates. Eric would answer direct questions and he even made polite chitchat about his day. There did not seem to be any hostility, but the connection they should have as husband and wife was missing. They both just went through the motions.

It was not so bad during the week while they were both at work most of the day. The few hours they shared in the evening were tolerable. But the closer it got to the weekend, the more Leah’s guard went up. Her brain was trying to figure out how they would pass the time together.

Thursday night, after she was already in bed, Eric knocked on the door. She flipped on the bedside lamp and answered the door in one of her new pajama sets. It had black capri length pants with yellow polka dots and a white t-shirt with a bumblebee that read ‘bee-u-tiful’ in a trendy script. In the store, the pun had made her smile. She thought it was cute.

“Really?” Eric said after he looked her up and down.

She looked down at her pajamas and frowned.

“I thought it was cute.” She lifted her chin and he eyed her steadily. Normally if he gave her that look, she would apologize but not tonight. She was not going to say sorry for wearing comfy clothes!

Eric shook his head and mumbled something. It sounded like “How old