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full-scale attack as planned. We will take the True Ring and throne of Zalaxia by force! The time for treachery has ended! Now we fight like men! Now we kill whoever stands in our way! Now we kill the pretender and take what’s ours! We take his ring and his throne and take every last whore on Zalaxia we can get before the Baron arrives!”

By we, Hade of course meant himself.

But he knew enough not to say it out loud to his crew. The Baron be damned. Hade didn’t say that part out loud either. Hade was no coward, but kept his bravery to himself. If he didn’t, if he were to tell the crew his true plan — betray the Baron — the crew would mutiny. They were more scared of Baron Crewd von Bludlust than they were of Hade, and rightly so. If they helped Hade betray Crewd, the Baron would hunt down and kill every member of their extended families, no matter where they tried to hide in the wide, wide universe. Unlike Hade, Baron Crewd had the economic and political power to follow through on such damnably grandiose plans. The Baron would destroy entire solar systems to get his revenge on a single backstabbing traitor. Hade didn’t have that kind of power. Yet.

Nevertheless, Hade’s speech brought cheering hoots and grunts from the mutant crew.

“Take the whores!” they said aggressively.

“Kill the pretender,” they said menacingly.

“He’ll never know what hit him,” chuckled Kezz, the Stygian demon-dragon engineer. His ruby-faceted skin glinted sharply in the stark lights of the warship’s bridge.

Where’s the skrucking orgy?!

Two women at once does not an orgy make!

Everybody knows that!

An orgy requires at least three women slipping and sliding all over you!

Preferably four… teen!

Or fifty Shock Knights.

Right, Baron?

I mean, it’s common knowledge an orgy isn’t two supermodels at the same time. Anybody can hook up with two supermodels at once. Why, I’ve done it… uh… let’s see… hold on, still counting fingers… at least zero times in my life!

Zero!

Errr, never mind that.

But tell me something, Baron. Seriously. Why are the Bombshells off stage for most of this book?

What gives, buddy?

Because this isn’t the Harem Planet I signed up for, man! You know, the one with the word “harem” in the title? The one with Oia on the cover?! Tim and her hooked up waaaay back in Book 1! And now you’ve got Captain Theia on this cover?! And they did not hook up?!

Come on!

Bombshells, orgies. In that order!

Make it happen, man!

Make! It! Happen!

Frustrated sigh.

I hear you, brother. You have no idea. Totally get it.

Harem Assassins is not the story I expected I’d be writing as the sequel to Harem Planet book 1.

Not even close.

Blame Captain Theia.

Theia, Theia, Theia.

What a woman, right?

How could you not want to know more about her?

I certainly did.

She’s the reason this book was so late, really.

Let me explain.

Turns out, I wrote myself into a corner at the end of Book 1 without realizing it. You’ll recall in the last chapter of Book 1, when the Bombshells are recovering in medical and Tim goes to check on them, it’s two weeks after they arrived on Zalaxia, which was also the same night when Tim fought the good fight against the bad King Sekton. To make things more difficult for Tim and me, in Book 1’s last chapter, Oia demands Tim make her his first on Zalaxia, which is 100% consistent with her character, same as she asked him to make her his first back on the Artemis, somewhere between Mars and Jupiter.

Because she has reasons.

No problem, right?

Because… reasons.

Reasons.

Ha!

Seemed fine at the time I wrote it.

HA, HA, HA, HA!

If I had only known…

Hahahahahahaha!

Insane laughter.

Here’s the problem, which I never saw coming. Book 2 was supposed to pick up at the exact moment where Book 1 left off, when a random guardswoman runs into the Bombshells’ recovery room and shouts that pirates are besieging the jungle outpost.

Simple enough.

Tim goes out, fights the pirates and wins.

Afterward, he and Oia have sex, followed by Tim having an all-out, no-holds-barred orgy. Or should I say, no positions and no partners barred orgy. Any woman Tim wants, any way he wants. He is the king and it is the law of the lay. I mean land. Law of the land.

Simple, right?

Wrong-o!

The second I wrote the scene where Tim goes running out of the Bombshells’ recovery room to handle the siege, Captain Theia and the Shock Knights were there waiting to follow Tim’s every command, same as they had for the past two weeks of Tim’s life. Two weeks I never wrote or even imagined when I wrote the final chapter of Book 1 like an unwitting idiot.

Little did I know.

Thing is, when I started writing Book 2, as soon as I imagined Tim talking to smoking hot Captain Theia, I wondered what sort of rapport they would have developed after two weeks together. I also realized Tim had spent every single moment of those two weeks with her literally by his side.

And… she’s constantly naked.

Constantly.

25/7, naked.

25 hours in a Zalaxian day.

Except for the brief bits of battle when Theia is wearing her sexy golden power armor. Otherwise, naked. Unless you count those golden boots and gloves she wears.

Smirk.

Like that’s dressed?

Ha!

Anyway, to make things more difficult for Tim, he likes Theia’s personality as much as her jaw-droppingly beautiful face and bodacious bod.

Think about it.

Try to imagine spending two weeks with a woman like Theia, with her hanging off your every word, action, and command like you were the most important thing in the universe. And 1,500 other hot women doing the same damn thing, 25/7, everywhere you went.

That’s a story right there. A whole book’s worth.

This book.

But it wasn’t those other women who threw a wrench into my writing process.

It wasn’t those 1,500 other hotties.

It was Captain Theia.

Just her.

She’s the writing wrench thrower.

One toss of her wrench into my mental works, works spinning like a thousand intricately connected dynamos, and Ka-CLANG!

BLAM!

My idea factory explodes and there’s busted gears everywhere

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