The School for Scandal - Richard Brinsley Sheridan (reading strategies book txt) 📗

more, I believe, than you can tell. Charles Surface Oh, no!⁠—there can be no doubt. They tell me I’m a prodigious favourite, and that he talks of leaving me everything. Sir Oliver Indeed! this is the first I’ve heard of it. Charles Surface Yes, yes, ’tis just so. — Moses knows ’tis true; don’t you, Moses? Moses Oh, yes! I’ll swear to ’t.16 Sir Oliver Egad, they’ll persuade me presently I’m at Bengal. Aside. Charles Surface Now I propose, Mr. Premium, if it’s agreeable to you, a post-obit on Sir Oliver’s life; though at the same time the old fellow has been so liberal to me, that I give you my word, I should be very sorry to hear that anything had happened to him. Sir Oliver Not more than I should, I assure you. But the bond you mention happens to be just the worst security you could offer me⁠—for I might live to a hundred and never see the principal. Charles Surface Oh, yes, you would! the moment Sir Oliver dies, you know, you would come on me for the money. Sir Oliver Then I believe I should be the most unwelcome dun you ever had in your life. Charles Surface What! I suppose you’re afraid that Sir Oliver is too good a life? Sir Oliver No, indeed I am not; though I have heard he is as hale and healthy as any man of his years in Christendom. Charles Surface There, again, now you are misinformed. No, no, the climate has hurt him considerably, poor uncle Oliver. Yes, yes, he breaks apace, I’m told⁠—and is so much altered lately that his nearest relations don’t know him. Sir Oliver No! Ha! ha! ha! so much altered lately that his nearest relations don’t know him! Ha! ha! ha! egad⁠—ha! ha! ha! Charles Surface Ha! ha!⁠—you’re glad to hear that, little Premium? Sir Oliver No, no, I’m not. Charles Surface Yes, yes, you are⁠—ha! ha! ha!⁠—you know that mends your chance. Sir Oliver But I’m told Sir Oliver is coming over; nay, some say he is actually arrived. Charles Surface Pshaw! sure I must know better than you whether he’s come or not. No, no, rely on’t he’s at this moment at Calcutta. — Isn’t he, Moses? Moses Oh, yes, certainly. Sir Oliver Very true, as you say, you must know better than I, though I have it from pretty good authority. — Haven’t I, Moses? Moses Yes, most undoubtedly! Sir Oliver But, sir, as I understand, you want a few hundreds immediately⁠—is there nothing you could dispose of? Charles Surface How do you mean? Sir Oliver For instance, now, I have heard that your father left behind him a great quantity of massy old plate. Charles Surface O Lud! that’s gone long ago. Moses can tell you how better than I can. Sir Oliver Aside. Good lack! all the family race-cups and corporation-bowls! Aloud. Then it was also supposed that his library was one of the most valuable and compact⁠— Charles Surface Yes, yes, so it was⁠—vastly too much so for a private gentleman. For my part, I was always of a communicative disposition, so I thought it a shame to keep so much knowledge to myself. Sir Oliver Aside. Mercy upon me! learning that had run in the family like an heirloom⁠—Aloud. Pray, what are become of the books? Charles Surface You must inquire of the auctioneer, Master Premium, for I don’t believe even Moses can direct you. Moses I know nothing of books. Sir Oliver So, so, nothing of the family property left, I suppose? Charles Surface Not much, indeed; unless you have a mind to the family pictures. I have got a room full of ancestors above; and if you have a taste for old paintings, egad, you shall have ’em a bargain! Sir Oliver Hey! what the devil! sure, you wouldn’t sell your forefathers, would you? Charles Surface Every man of them, to the best bidder. Sir Oliver What, your great-uncles and aunts? Charles Surface Ay, and my great-grandfathers and grandmothers too. Sir Oliver Aside. Now I give him up!⁠—Aloud. What the plague, have you no bowels for your own kindred? Odd’s life! do you take me for Shylock in the play, that you would raise money of me on your own flesh and blood? Charles Surface Nay, my little broker, don’t be angry: what need you care, if you have your money’s worth? Sir Oliver Well, I’ll be the purchaser: I think I can dispose of the family canvas. — Aside. Oh, I’ll never forgive him this! never! Reenter Careless. Careless Come, Charles, what keeps you? Charles Surface I can’t come yet. I’faith, we are going to have a sale above-stairs; here’s little Premium will buy all my ancestors! Careless Oh, burn your ancestors! Charles Surface No, he may do that afterwards, if he pleases. Stay, Careless, we want you: egad, you shall be auctioneer⁠—so come along with us. Careless Oh, have with you, if that’s the case. I can handle a hammer as well as a dice-box! Going! going! Sir Oliver Oh, the profligates! Aside. Charles Surface Come, Moses, you shall be appraiser, if we want one. Gad’s life, little Premium, you don’t seem to like the business? Sir Oliver Oh, yes, I do, vastly! Ha! ha! ha! yes, yes, I think it a rare joke to sell one’s family by auction⁠—ha! ha!⁠—Aside. Oh, the prodigal! Charles Surface To be sure! when a man wants money, where the plague should he get assistance, if he can’t make free with his own relations? Sir Oliver I’ll never forgive him; never! never! Exeunt. Act IV Scene I

A picture room in Charles Surface’s house

Enter Charles Surface, Sir Oliver Surface, Moses, and Careless. Charles Surface Walk in, gentlemen, pray walk in;⁠—here they are, the family of the Surfaces, up to the Conquest. Sir Oliver And, in my opinion, a goodly collection. Charles Surface Ay, ay, these are done in the true spirit of portrait-painting; no volontière grace or expression. Not like the works of your modern Raphaels, who give you the strongest resemblance, yet contrive to make your portrait