An Ideal Husband - Oscar Wilde (unputdownable books .txt) 📗

pretty, has any common sense at all, sir. Common sense is the privilege of our sex. Lord Goring Quite so. And we men are so self-sacrificing that we never use it, do we, father? Lord Caversham I use it, sir. I use nothing else. Lord Goring So my mother tells me. Lord Caversham It is the secret of your mother’s happiness. You are very heartless, sir, very heartless. Lord Goring I hope not, father. Goes out for a moment. Then returns, looking rather put out, with Sir Robert Chiltern. Sir Robert Chiltern My dear Arthur, what a piece of good luck meeting you on the doorstep! Your servant had just told me you were not at home. How extraordinary! Lord Goring The fact is, I am horribly busy tonight, Robert, and I gave orders I was not at home to anyone. Even my father had a comparatively cold reception. He complained of a draught the whole time. Sir Robert Chiltern Ah! you must be at home to me, Arthur. You are my best friend. Perhaps by tomorrow you will be my only friend. My wife has discovered everything. Lord Goring Ah! I guessed as much! Sir Robert Chiltern Looking at him. Really! How? Lord Goring After some hesitation. Oh, merely by something in the expression of your face as you came in. Who told her? Sir Robert Chiltern Mrs. Cheveley herself. And the woman I love knows that I began my career with an act of low dishonesty, that I built up my life upon sands of shame⁠—that I sold, like a common huckster, the secret that had been entrusted to me as a man of honour. I thank heaven poor Lord Radley died without knowing that I betrayed him. I would to God I had died before I had been so horribly tempted, or had fallen so low. Burying his face in his hands. Lord Goring After a pause. You have heard nothing from Vienna yet, in answer to your wire? Sir Robert Chiltern Looking up. Yes; I got a telegram from the first secretary at eight o’clock tonight. Lord Goring Well? Sir Robert Chiltern Nothing is absolutely known against her. On the contrary, she occupies a rather high position in society. It is a sort of open secret that Baron Arnheim left her the greater portion of his immense fortune. Beyond that I can learn nothing. Lord Goring She doesn’t turn out to be a spy, then? Sir Robert Chiltern Oh! spies are of no use nowadays. Their profession is over. The newspapers do their work instead. Lord Goring And thunderingly well they do it. Sir Robert Chiltern Arthur, I am parched with thirst. May I ring for something? Some hock and seltzer? Lord Goring Certainly. Let me. Rings the bell. Sir Robert Chiltern Thanks! I don’t know what to do, Arthur, I don’t know what to do, and you are my only friend. But what a friend you are⁠—the one friend I can trust. I can trust you absolutely, can’t I? Enter Phipps. Lord Goring My dear Robert, of course. Oh! To Phipps. Bring some hock and seltzer. Phipps Yes, my lord. Lord Goring And Phipps! Phipps Yes, my lord. Lord Goring Will you excuse me for a moment, Robert? I want to give some directions to my servant. Sir Robert Chiltern Certainly. Lord Goring When that lady calls, tell her that I am not expected home this evening. Tell her that I have been suddenly called out of town. You understand? Phipps The lady is in that room, my lord. You told me to show her into that room, my lord. Lord Goring You did perfectly right. Exit Phipps. What a mess I am in. No; I think I shall get through it. I’ll give her a lecture through the door. Awkward thing to manage, though. Sir Robert Chiltern Arthur, tell me what I should do. My life seems to have crumbled about me. I am a ship without a rudder in a night without a star. Lord Goring Robert, you love your wife, don’t you? Sir Robert Chiltern I love her more than anything in the world. I used to think ambition the great thing. It is not. Love is the great thing in the world. There is nothing but love, and I love her. But I am defamed in her eyes. I am ignoble in her eyes. There is a wide gulf between us now. She has found me out, Arthur, she has found me out. Lord Goring Has she never in her life done some folly⁠—some indiscretion⁠—that she should not forgive your sin? Sir Robert Chiltern My wife! Never! She does not know what weakness or temptation is. I am of clay like other men. She stands apart as good women do⁠—pitiless in her perfection⁠—cold and stern and without mercy. But I love her, Arthur. We are childless, and I have no one else to love, no one else to love me. Perhaps if God had sent us children she might have been kinder to me. But God has given us a lonely house. And she has cut my heart in two. Don’t let us talk of it. I was brutal to her this evening. But I suppose when sinners talk to saints they are brutal always. I said to her things that were hideously true, on my side, from my standpoint, from the standpoint of men. But don’t let us talk of that. Lord Goring Your wife will forgive you. Perhaps at this moment she is forgiving you. She loves you, Robert. Why should she not forgive? Sir Robert Chiltern God grant it! God grant it! Buries his face in his hands. But there is something more I have to tell you, Arthur. Enter Phipps with drinks. Phipps Hands hock and seltzer to Sir Robert Chiltern. Hock and seltzer, sir. Sir Robert Chiltern Thank you. Lord Goring Is your carriage here, Robert? Sir Robert Chiltern No; I walked from the club. Lord Goring Sir Robert will take my cab, Phipps. Phipps Yes, my lord. Exit. Lord Goring Robert, you don’t mind my sending you away? Sir Robert Chiltern Arthur, you must let