Nearing Home by Billy Graham (best book club books for discussion txt) 📗

friend we both knew well. “His name,” he announced, “was . . . was . . . oh, it’s on the tip of my tongue. I know it as well as I know my own name. It was . . . it was . . .” He finally asked me in exasperation, “Billy—what on earth was his name?” But I had to confess I couldn’t think of it either—and we both dissolved in laughter at our aging memories. It calmed our fears when a minute later the name came to us.

WHEN HIDDEN PERILS COME TO LIGHT

We can see ourselves in many Scripture passages, such as this one:

You sweep men away in the sleep of death;

they are like the new grass of the morning—

though in the morning it springs up new,

by evening it is dry and withered. (Psalm 90:5–6)

His description is all too realistic, I’ve discovered; dry and withered are exactly how every older person I have ever met feels at times—including me.

While the physical and mental effects of old age are obvious, aging often impacts us in ways that are less obvious. These are the emotional and spiritual reactions to growing older that can easily overwhelm us if we aren’t on the alert for them. And yet, because they aren’t as obvious as a broken hip or a lost memory, they often sneak into our lives without us even being aware of them.

What are these hidden perils? Certainly one is fear. When we are facing the uncertainties of illness or growing disability or loneliness or financial stress, it is natural to be worried about what is going to happen to us. But sometimes our worries overwhelm us, and we become so absorbed by them that whatever has caused them becomes all we think about. Instead of having a passing worry, we become gripped by chronic, unrelenting fear and anxiety.

Another hidden peril is often related to fear and anxiety: depression. We look back and think about all the things we have done in life, and now we are discouraged to think we will never do them again. Doctors tell us that depression is one of the most common (and most serious) problems many older people face, although it often goes undetected. Common symptoms such as fatigue, forgetfulness, and feelings of loneliness are easily explained away as effects of aging when they could be treated.

A hidden peril of a different sort is anger. No one likes to lose control over life; we all would like to remain independent as we grow older. But often that is not possible, and this is not easy for us to accept. “I’ve never seen Mother like this before,” one person said to me. “She used to be so gentle, but now she lashes out at me every time I come in her room. I know what’s wrong: she hates not being in her own home any longer and having to depend on others to take care of her although there really wasn’t any choice.” His comment could be echoed by countless others. Sometimes the anger is directed not only at others but also at God: “If God really loved me, He wouldn’t have let this happen.” A friend commented recently, “People either seem to get better or to get bitter as they grow older.” Unfortunately, bitterness often wins.

A further peril may creep up on us as we grow older: intense loneliness, even feelings of abandonment. “No one cares what happens to me,” a woman in a nursing home said to me once. “My children live in different parts of the country and seldom come to see me. Often I cry myself to sleep, I feel so alone.” My heart went out to her, although I knew that others in her facility were facing similar situations.

Sometimes in their loneliness older people get drawn into making unwise decisions such as marrying someone they barely know or spending large sums of money on things they don’t need simply because a salesman acts friendly toward them. Many years ago an aunt of mine lived in Orlando, Florida. She had never married, but in the course of her life she had accumulated a fairly large amount of property. In her latter years, we discovered, a man with a gracious personality befriended her and wormed his way into her confidence. In time he convinced her to sell much of her property and allow him to invest her money for her. Shortly before she died, she discovered that most of the money had vanished. The man simply had taken advantage of her—and her loneliness.

One final peril is becoming so absorbed in our own problems and concerns that we can’t think about anyone else. “No one is more self-centered than a sick person,” a nurse told me once after dealing with a particularly difficult patient. I’m afraid she’s often right; sometimes I have to force my mind to turn away from whatever problem is absorbing me at the moment and make myself focus on the needs of others. Job had the same problem; in the midst of his pain and grief he apparently forgot the spiritual truths he’d once used to encourage others in their troubles. One of his friends gently rebuked him for this:

Think how you have instructed many,

how you have strengthened feeble hands.

Your words have supported those who stumbled;

you have strengthened faltering knees.

But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged. . . .

Should not your piety [your devotion to God] be your confidence? (Job 4:3–6)

WHEN CHRIST IS THE FOCUS

How do we overcome the perils that steal our zest for life? Let the promises of God’s Word, the Bible, uphold you every day. Turn constantly to Him in prayer, confident not only that He hears you but that even now Jesus is interceding for you. Focus your thoughts on Christ, and maintain your connection with other believers who can encourage and help you. The Bible’s words are true: “Neither death nor life, neither